Something Worth Blackmailing
by Neo Diji
Summary: The social implications of a Britannian dating an Eleven. Being together felt right - like moving into checkmate. A prequel to Blackmail Gone Wrong, BUT could technically be taken as a stand-alone story detailing how a SuzaLulu relationship could have developed from early season one. This fic is PURE relationship-building woven into modified canon-verse. Rating is for later chapte
1. Seeds and Sparks

**An unrated version of this story is on my AO3 account (NeoDiji) and linked on my Tumblr (NeoDiji).**

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.

Welcome to _Something Worth Blackmailing_ , a SuzaLulu relationship development epic endeavor.

I wrote this as an intended prequel to my other fic, _Blackmail Gone Wrong_ , but it could stand alone as well. THIS fic has all the **good** things. There might be a few minor warnings for some chapters, but nothing majorly triggering like the sequel to this.

Originally, the first four chapters of this (about 35,000 words) were posted in one humongous flashback chapter on FFnet a few years back. That chapter was entitled _Two Boys and Their Love_ and, yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I broke that long chapter up here for easier reading installments, and then I, you know, finished the story.

I do change several canon elements for my own purposes. For instance, I streeeeetch out the timeline to let their relationship develop more naturally over time. I change some details (they have history first period, not math as Nina reveals in R1Ep17; I changed the history teacher from that guy Lelouch Geassed about test questions when he determined he could only use his Geass once per person; I changed some dialogue and kept other dialogue from canon scenes - both real episodes and sound episodes - and just other things here and there). I'm just putting this disclaimer that not _everything_ will be the same as canon, and if it's changed, I probably have a reason for it. But always feel free to comment or ask about something not lining up!

I think wayyyy too much about this series. _Blackmail_ is very near and dear to my heart and I'm **so** excited to share this with you! (I can totally play favorites with my own work.)

Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. Go read her Undertale comic, _Refuse_. :D

*/*

 _Something Worth Blackmailing_

Alternatively: _Two Boys and Their Love_

*/*

Chapter One: Seeds and Sparks

*/*

Suzaku had to work hard to keep from hyperventilating. He was alone with Lelouch.

"Is there something wrong?" Lelouch asked, his voice perfectly normal—and perfectly alluring. Violet eyes surveyed the brunet soldier carefully, dissecting his discomfort. Suzaku had his eyes squeezed shut, and he was trembling to boot; Lelouch, in contrast, displayed no outward signs that the gnawing tension in the air was getting to him in the least. He was seated upright, poised with an elegant grace befitting his birthright, and he was delicately chewing on a forkful of perfectly seasoned chicken. His breathing was even, unlike Suzaku's own, and his movements were slow and calculated, as if chancing upon a long-lost-friend-assumed-dead was a perfectly normal occurrence. Taking another look at the Japanese boy, the Britannian prince prompted, "You stopped eating."

Suzaku lowered his gaze to his half-empty dinner plate, his heart pounding wildly in his ribcage. The intensity in Lelouch's eyes… A heavy knot formed in his stomach. He had to swallow once before he managed to utter, "I'm just full."

Lelouch scrutinized him a moment longer before saying simply, "I see."

Suzaku really hoped the other boy was too far away to see the beads of sweat rolling down his forehead. "It was really delicious!" he exclaimed enthusiastically, trying to cover his tracks. He didn't want to offend the other, after all. "Much better than the cooking I'm used to," he added, thinking of Miss Cecile's disastrous attempts of the recent past. (It hadn't taken him but one, maybe two meals to figure out that her kitchen efforts amounted to near-food-poisoning.) He fidgeted in his seat.

"Thank you," the prince said graciously. "That means a lot coming from _you_ , Suzaku." Purple eyes twinkled mischievously across the dinner table. But for Suzaku's spastic nervousness, it was almost like the seven-year separation had never existed.

At Lelouch's heartfelt words, the Japanese boy's jaw dropped and surprise crossed his face. The way the fancy chandelier light fell on Lelouch's frame highlighted his stark features, and the knot in Suzaku's stomach twisted further. He realized his mouth was still open and, not knowing what to say, hurriedly shoved an oversized bite of chicken in there so he wouldn't have to say anything at all. His teeth worked furiously to chew, and the task was made much harder by the sudden dryness of his mouth.

Violet eyes regarded him thoughtfully. "You know, Suzaku, you don't have to force yourself to finish. If you're full, it's fine. It just means we have leftovers." Lelouch stood from his chair and reached across the tabletop for the soldier's plate. "Let me wrap this up for you. It will save nicely until tomorrow." His fingertips lightly brushed the back of Suzaku's hand as they sought the ceramic.

The fork slipped neatly out of Suzaku's fingers. "Wh-what?" he asked, his voice a bit shaky. _He wants me to come back?!_ A bit of half-chewed chicken mush fell from his mouth and stained the tablecloth. Green eyes widened and a tan hand quickly shot out to grab a napkin. Along the way, he knocked over his cup of tea; the brown liquid seeped through the fabric to the wood table below. His nerves on high-alert, his tremors increasing, Suzaku mumbled under his breath, "Oh god…"

Lelouch pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes for a moment. A wary sigh escaped his lips. Then, seeming to get over the mess, he smiled brilliantly—genuinely—and reassured his guest, "Don't worry about it. I'll clean that up. Why don't you go relax in the other room and I'll join you in a minute?"

"No, I couldn't," Suzaku protested, abruptly standing up. He swayed on his feet and grasped the edge of the table for balance.

"You've had a long, exciting day," the raven-haired boy murmured gently. Turning his head to the side, avoiding looking the brown-haired boy in the eye, he said, "Go relax, Suzaku."

The Japanese quickly shook his head. "No! Not while you—"

Lelouch snorted and turned his head, this time initiating eye-contact. "I don't believe that was a request."

Slowly, Suzaku nodded, cowed in the princely boy's presence. He backed up a pace and, since his fingertips were still firmly grasping the tablecloth, he unconsciously ended up tugging the cloth—as well as all the food and dishes atop it—halfway off the table. Suzaku froze; a squeaked "um" escaped his lips. At the corner edge of the table, a teetering vegetable dish clattered to the floor, and its contents spilled everywhere.

Lelouch eyed the rolling corn with distaste, but then he brightened. "At least the rest of your chicken will save," he said again. "But since the rest of it is unsalvageable now, what kind of side dish would you like for tomorrow's dinner?" He chuckled and moved to tug the tablecloth back into place; at the slight pressure, Suzaku let go of his hold on the fabric and let Lelouch fix the situation as he was best at doing.

Bowing his head, the Japanese asked in a trembling voice, "Why?"

The prince amusedly shook his head and chuckled, "Because I'm taking requests." Purple eyes narrowed playfully. "Better take advantage of it this time, Suzaku. I don't ask for other people's opinions very often."

"No," Suzaku insisted, raising his head. "I mean—why me?" He shivered. "Why are you doing all this? Talking to me, having dinner with me…"

A hard look entered Lelouch's eyes. "Why wouldn't I?" he countered, not moving to pick up any more plates. "We're friends, aren't we?" His eyes narrowed further. "Or are you saying that the past seven years changed that?"

Hurriedly shaking his head, Suzaku all but yelped, "No!" Taking deep breaths, he explained, "It's just that…being around you after so long…and I'm an Honorary Britannian, an _Eleven_ …"

Lelouch scowled darkly and stepped around the table; he reached out to grip Suzaku harshly by the shoulder. "Idiot," he hissed. "Do you really think so little of me—you think I give a _shit_ about that?" He sighed. Tone softening, he went on, "You've always been very special to me. Nothing's changed in that regard, Suzaku." Letting go of the brunet's shoulder, he leaned down to retrieve Suzaku's fallen fork. Twiddling it in his fingers nonchalantly, he offered a small smile and explained, "I may be Britannian, but don't worry. I'm not like the others."

Green eyes misted over with tears and Suzaku's throat tightened. In a choked voice, he murmured, "Lelouch…" Even after being reassured that their differing ethnicities didn't drive a wedge between them, the Japanese teen still felt his stomach twist with anxiety. Only now, there was the beginning of an expanding lightheartedness in his chest, and he felt out of sorts in his own body. "I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything," Lelouch suggested. "Wait for me in the other room. I'll be right with you after I put your chicken in the fridge." Then, casting his eyes quickly over the brunet's face, he murmured, "Hold on. Before you go..." With a small smile, he grabbed a clean napkin and carefully wiped at the corner of Suzaku's lip. Leaning closer to inspect the spot, he explained, "There was a crumb." Pulling back, he smirked triumphantly and swept into the kitchen, looking back over his shoulder once or twice to see that Suzaku was still there.

Still tense, but feeling happier despite that, the brunet soldier headed for the sitting room. He couldn't protest anymore—not when Lelouch was so adamant, and especially not when he looked so damn pleased with himself.

*/*

The prince stood in the doorway, watching.

Suzaku stood in the middle of the room. The furniture in the sitting room was comfortably arranged, but curiously enough he made no move to sit on any of the couches, loveseats, or easy chairs. He walked over to the longest couch, his shoes thumping on the hardwood floor, and cautiously reached out to run his index finger along the armrest. Almost immediately, he snatched it back. "And here I thought he'd have silk," he laughed quietly to himself.

Lelouch continued to monitor the brunet's movements, seeing his sitting room through the other's eyes for the first time. The posh furnishings looked rarely used, almost as if they existed only as décor. There were no golden linings, but the expensive ivory upholstery spoke of nobility and status—fitting for a pair of wayward royals. An amused smile curled the ex-prince's lip.

The brunet slowly turned in a half-circle, eyeing with interest the bare pink-and-gold-colored walls that highlighted the elegant beauty of the room.

Extravagant simplicity was Lelouch's style, and the prince was proud that his handiwork showed in every corner. He supposed, though, to outsiders, that it looked like a picture out of a magazine, not a lived-in room used to entertain guests. After a minute or two more of simply observing the other boy, Lelouch offered, "Go ahead and sit down, Suzaku."

The soldier jumped at the sudden sound, whirling around to pinpoint its source. "Oh!" he breathed, exhaling in relief. "Lelouch. Sorry, I just…"

Shaking his head, Lelouch held up a hand. "It's fine. Just relax and sit."

Suzaku lowered himself to the floor, sitting ramrod straight with his legs folded neatly beneath him. Tan hands rested on his thighs.

"…What are you doing?"

The brunet cocked his head. "Everything looks so fancy. I don't—I don't want to mess it up."

Lelouch raised an eyebrow. "It's furniture, Suzaku. You're supposed to sit on it."

"Yeah, but…" the Japanese boy protested, looking to the floor. He opened his mouth to say something, then apparently thought better of it and pursed his lips. A couple seconds later, he tried again and came up with, "It doesn't look like anyone's ever used it before."

Chuckling, the ebony-haired prince explained, "You're mostly right. I rarely use this room." His purple eyes shone good-naturedly. "I normally don't let people inside here. Be honored." Gesturing elaborately to the wide expanse of available seats, he joked with dry humor, "How many invitations do you need? Take a seat already!"

Scrambling to obey, Suzaku slid onto the nearest couch. "Thank you, Lelouch," he said gratefully. Green eyes flickered to the older boy, then stared out at the room again. A single vase of flowers sat on the coffee table between two easy chairs. A fresh, wet floral scent emanated from the apple blossoms and baby's breath, filling the room with a delightful fragrance.

Following the soldier's gaze, Lelouch explained softly, "Nunnally likes to care for the Student Council garden. Every five days, we choose the best-growing flowers from the nursery to decorate this room. She has flowers by her bed, too; the sweet smells help calm her down when she's upset." Smiling, he took a seat beside his friend. He turned his head to face him directly, unwilling—or maybe unable—to take his eyes off Suzaku. He couldn't handle another seven-year separation, and this time he was taking no chances; his eyes soaked in the Japanese boy's presence greedily. _I've missed him. I can't believe he's here with me now._

"Ah, I see," the soldier replied. Nunnally was a safe topic of conversation, but he didn't comment further. Instead, he sank back into the couch and blushed lightly under the older boy's intense stare.

They sat at either end of the couch. The room was quiet save for the sound of their breathing. Since Nunnally had been put to bed after she'd finished her dinner and Sayoko wasbusy elsewhere, they were alone. That was fine; there were things Lelouch wanted to discuss with the younger boy out of his innocent little sister's presence.

There were issues neither wanted to bring up, and even the predictable lighthearted pleasantries turned sour when touched. Once he finally decided to break the awkward silence, Lelouch steered clear of the topic of Zero and the military, choosing instead to focus on some neutral common ground. "So you've survived your first day at Ashford Academy!" he exclaimed, trying to sound as excited as possible. Some of the emotion was fake, but most of it was genuine awe at seeing the other boy after so long.

"Yeah," Suzaku laughed uneasily. "It's a good school. I like it," he said noncommittally, looking anywhere but at Lelouch.

The undercover royal frowned disapprovingly. "Don't say things like that." _Doesn't he know that I can see straight through him?_

Suzaku's attention jerked to the other. "What?" he asked, dumbfounded. Mulling over his last words, he scrunched his face as if trying to remember anything he could have said that might be taken offensively.

Lelouch's frown deepened, and he pressed his feet hard against the floor in irritation. _Is he_ _ **still**_ _that much of an idiot?_ He sighed and explained, "You were jeered at, swung at, and singled out as the scum of the earth. No one talked to you except to make fun of you, and you were pushed repeatedly in the hallways." His eyes were hard as he recounted the day's events. "Two of our teachers gave you extra work because you were late to class—because _other_ teachers knowingly sent you in the wrong direction." He leveled his gaze on Suzaku, catching glossy, shiny green eyes with his, and dared him, "Don't tell me you had a good first day after all that."

The brunet squirmed in his seat. "I got extra work because I'm so far behind," he said halfheartedly in the teachers' defense.

Purple eyes narrowed. "You really believe that?" _Not even Suzaku can be_ _ **that**_ _stupid and naïve._

"I have to," Suzaku said stubbornly, lifting his chin. "And besides. Today wasn't all bad. I ran into you—and Nunnally—and that sort of makes up for things." He ducked his head shyly.

Lelouch only blinked, searching Suzaku's eyes for any underlying truths. Firmly disputing the other boy's words, he said, "Nothing could ever make up for the way they treat you, though I won't deny running into you here is amazing. I'm glad I can help, but I still don't think it's right that you're suffering. Nor do I think it's right that you're bottling it all up." Eyes narrowing, he scooted closer along the couch towards his long-lost friend.

"I'm not," Suzaku protested, leaping to his feet.

"Suzaku," Lelouch warned, settling down before he slid into the other's vacated seat. "Don't lie to me." He stayed put in his new position, eyes half-lidded with feigned boredom. Confidence radiated from his every pore and his voice was solid, leaving no room for weak arguments.

With a hesitant smile, Suzaku sank back into his seat, yielding to the prince's aura of power. Their sides lightly brushed, and their knees knocked. "All right, Lelouch." He looked to the floor, avoiding eye-contact, and folded his hands in his lap, like a small child being scolded.

The prince raised an eyebrow at the submissive behavior. The Suzaku from seven years ago would have stepped forward, heated complaints thick on his tongue. Had the military beaten that spark out of him, or was it simply the build-up of years of prejudice weighing on his spirit?

Anger seethed within him; this was what Britannia had reduced his friend to since the war! Purple eyes sparked and Lelouch growled, "Listen, and listen good. The others at this school might treat you horribly, but I will always be your friend. No matter what." He nodded. "So you don't have to be nervous around me, all right? I'm not a Britannian—or a prince. I'm just your friend. Just Lelouch—that's all." _There's no room for titles or labels between us._

Suzaku nodded slowly, almost as if he didn't believe what he was agreeing with. His lip quivered as the older boy lectured him, but he didn't cry.

Lelouch sighed in exasperation. "Suzaku, it doesn't matter to me that you're Japanese."

At the mention of his culture's true name, the brunet glanced sharply up, green eyes shining with awe and gratitude. "Lelouch!"

"I mean it," the raven-haired boy said determinedly. "You're Kururugi Suzaku. That's all that matters to me, and that's why I'll stick by you." A warm smile flitted across his lips. Gently, he reached up and pressed the pads of his fingers against Suzaku's cheek, physically turning the younger boy to face him dead-on. "I wish you'd understand." _And soon!_

A matching smile lit up Suzaku's face, though his eyes still showed a hint of doubt. A tinge of pink spread outwards from where Lelouch's fingers rested on his skin. "I do understand."

Lelouch scoffed, "Why do I get the feeling you're lying to me right now?" His hand drifted back to his lap.

The Japanese boy's smile faltered. "I'm not lying, Lelouch. It's okay. I really do understand. I know you're not like other Britannians."

"I'll hold you to that," the prince said, holding out his pinky. "I don't tolerate being lied to, Suzaku, so you have to mean it when you say you won't do it." His eyes glinted as he coaxed, "Come on, you have to seal it officially. Nunnally taught me the rhyme and everything."

Jaw dropping in surprise that Lelouch knew how to make a kiddy-style "Japanese promise," Suzaku automatically lifted his hand. He closed his mouth and tilted his head, seeming to consider his promise as he slowly reached out to link pinkies with Lelouch. "This will go two-way," he added, his eyes unusually serious.

"Of course," Lelouch promised hastily, ignoring the sharp jolt that came with skin-to-skin contact. "We won't lie to each other." _Within reason, of course._ Violet irises searched the younger boy's tan face, and he said wryly, "Suzaku, you need to look at me for this to work. You're not afraid of me, are you?" _Is he…hiding something?_

Suzaku hurriedly shook his head, nervously meeting his friend's eye. "No," he said softly. Then, gaining confidence, he teased, "I never would have thought you the type to know children's stories."

" _Nunnally_ taught it to me," Lelouch repeated, then roughly moved their pinkies up and down in a sad mimicry of how his sister performed the motions. Clearing his throat no more than three times, he started to chant—off-rhythm— "Cross my heart, hope to die, eat a thousand needles—oh, I can't do this."

"What?"

Lelouch pulled back, turning away. His words came out in a rush. "Forget it. I'm not—it's stupid." An embarrassed blush heated his cheeks.

The brunet slowly lowered his hand, pinky still outstretched. "Is that it, or are you just leaving room to lie to me in the future?"

Scowling, the prince lowered his head, bangs falling over his eyes. "No," he said shortly. "I just think it's a childish game. Humoring my little sister is one thing, but we're both old enough not to buy into crap like that anymore. We both know promises aren't worth anything."

Suzaku gaped at him. "Lelouch…"

The prince lifted his head back up, purple eyes radiating intensity. "It's action that counts, Suzaku. I'll hold you to your word, but I won't put my trust in a child's game to prove it."

"I understand," Suzaku said, nodding his head vigorously. Looking uncomfortably around the room, his eyes landed on a clock and he rose to his feet. He groaned at the late hour and then took two steps nearer the door, throwing out, "I've been here too long. I have to get back to the military base now."

Lelouch's jaw tensed, but he made no move to speak as he followed his guest to the door. _I scared him off with my anger. I'll have to be careful not to send him running for good._ Forcing himself to relax, he tried to sound casual when he offered, "We have extra room here if you want to move in." The proposal was out his mouth before he could stop it, and sirens blared in his head. _What am I doing?! I'd love to have him here, but it wouldn't be practical. I'm Zero! Suzaku cannot live here!_ Still, something in his chest ached with want; he steeled his nerves and could do nothing but wait for his friend's response.

*/*

Suzaku stopped in his tracks. His heart swelled with yearning to take his friend up on his offer, but he reminded himself of his duty to the military. The thought of living with Lelouch made his heart jump to his throat, and that was the main reason he had to decline. Until he figured out why being around the Britannian boy made his body act all weird, then it simply wasn't safe to be in such close contact all the time. Expanding on that thought, he turned to the prince at the doorway and earnestly said, "I don't think we should be seen together at school."

Lelouch looked stunned. "What?"

The soldier leaned forward with his excuses. "How would you explain it—being friends with an Honorary Britannian? We have to guard your secret. No one can know you're royalty!" Though it wasn't his main reason for deciding on his plan of action, it was legitimate nonetheless; Lelouch's and Nunnally's secret royal birthrights _were_ valid concerns. As he turned on his heel, though, Suzaku knew the true reason for his idea wasn't to protect the 'Lamperouge' siblings; it was to protect his own heart.

Glaring, the prince growled at his retreating back, "Doing it again, huh?! Everyone's needs but your own!"

Suzaku blinked and stopped, but didn't turn back around. _He's calling me selfless!_ He had to laugh callously inside his head as he started walking again, not bothering to respond. _It's the exact opposite! Lelouch, I can't drag you down for my sake.._.

… _Even I won't be that selfish_.

*/*

The following day dawned bright and clear. High school students milled about the Ashford Academy lawn, catching up on local gossip and complaining about tests and homework assignments. Good-natured jostling led to cheery laughs among the various pockets of teenagers. The excited buzz of conversation then died abruptly, as if someone had flipped a switch for silence. Every Britannian student's attention was trained on the new Eleven transfer coming up the walk, and they automatically parted to let him into the building; no one wanted to risk brushing against him.

Suzaku bravely kept his head up as he strode past his new classmates, keeping his focus dead-ahead. As soon as he'd passed by, he heard the people behind him begin to speak in hushed whispers. Out of his peripheral vision, he saw them glaring in his direction. His ears burned from the attention, but he kept on. It wouldn't do to show weakness—and besides, he was used to such treatment.

That didn't mean it didn't still hurt. As soon as he made it inside, he paused to close his smarting eyes for a second and take a deep breath. Despite trying to filter out the jeers directed at him, he couldn't help but be affected; tears pricked the corners of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. Clutching his bag tighter in his hand, he determinedly opened his eyes and continued walking. His steps slowed as he traversed farther into the building, braving the unknown. A shiver swept down his spine as he realized none of the doorways seemed familiar.

He looked at the school map he'd been given yesterday in confusion; there were some Britannian English terms printed on it that he didn't understand. "Am I even in the right building?" he mumbled to himself. Shoulders sagging, he glanced around and noticed a group of girls who looked to be about his year. Sweeping his hand through his brown curls, he nervously approached them and held up the map. "Um, excuse me!" he called, gaining their attention.

Expressions of pure terror flashed across the girls' faces. The smallest one hid behind her friends. Nervously catching each other's eyes, they shivered.

Suzaku smiled reassuringly at them. "I didn't mean to startle you, but I'm lost and—"

At once, without a word, the girls turned their backs on him and hurried away. They turned a corner and disappeared from sight, leaving Suzaku by his lonesome in the entry hallway.

"That didn't work," the Japanese boy grumbled. A sigh escaped his lips. "Guess I'll keep trying." He continued on and turned at the same corner the girls did, not having a better plan. Sometimes he looked hopefully in other students' directions, but more often than not people dropped their eyes and ignored him. No one smiled. It was hopeless. After taking a few random twists and turns, he found himself in a deserted hallway. _The bell didn't ring yet, so where is everyone?_

"Hey," boomed a voice, accompanied by a loud footfall. "You Eleven piece of shit! I saw what you did to those girls back there."

Suzaku whirled around, dismayed to see a Britannian boy looming over him. The pale boy had broader shoulders than Suzaku did, and a vein throbbed in his forehead. Locks of sandy-brown hair fell in an arc across his forehead above the menacing scowl on his face. The Japanese brunet took a hasty step back, holding up his hands in surrender. "I didn't do anything to them!" he explained, voice bordering on shrill. "I was going to ask them directions to my first class."

The Britannian boy shook his head. "Yeah right." An anticipatory glint shone in his eyes, and he advanced on the soldier. "Who do you think people will believe? A Britannian, or an _Eleven?_ " He spit the last word and reached out to shove the Japanese roughly into the wall; Suzaku's bag and map went flying. "Boys!" called the aggressive student. "I think our little friend here dropped his books. Why don't you help him out?" Showing his teeth in a scary grin, he wrapped his hand around Suzaku's throat and kept him pinned to the wall.

Mind racing, Suzaku instinctively struggled for freedom. His air passageway was cut off, and he was having trouble breathing. Then, despite the black spots crossing his vision, he reminded himself of his resolve. _I won't fight. These boys are innocent civilians. Bullies, yes, but…_

Thudding footsteps pounded on the floor, announcing the arrival of more students. Suzaku's vision cleared in time to see one of his textbooks flying at his face. Instinctively, he closed his eyes, biting his lip so he wouldn't scream at the impact. He winced in the Britannian ringleader's hold, then fell gasping to the floor as he was let go. A small bit of blood oozed from an open cut.

"Bring the books," ordered the first Britannian to the others as he ripped up the map. To Suzaku, he said, "You can keep your bag, you little shit."

Suzaku blinked gratefully up at the other student and said sincerely, "Thank you."

All the Britannian bullies gaped at him, then looked to each other questioningly. Still incredulous, they hurried off with his books, leaving him alone on the floor.

A bystander gave the bullies a wave as they ran by, and the leader threw a, "Thanks for covering for us, Fox!" over his shoulder. The Britannian onlooker only nodded at them and glared at the Eleven by his polished shoes.

Groaning, Suzaku stumbled to his feet. Mechanically grabbing his—now much lighter—schoolbag, he wandered around until he found a restroom; the Britannian boy let him go with a disdainful sniff. The Japanese boy went in and looked at himself in the mirror, making sure his neck wasn't bruised; it wasn't. The only sign of his encounter with the bullies was the slight scrape across his temple from where the corner of the textbook had caught him. Sighing with relief, he said, "Good, I'm all right."

Another boy came out of a stall, glanced at him by the sinks, and hurried away without even washing his hands. Suzaku stepped back, shaking his head sadly. _No one wants me here. Maybe I should just give this whole 'school' thing up and go back to Lloyd and the Lancelot._

Leaving the bathroom, he turned down the next corridor and immediately felt lighter. Not only were there students walking around, but he spotted Lelouch! At the sight of his friend, he smiled slightly and continued his trek, resolve strengthened. _I take it back. I'll stay._

 _All the abuse in the world is worth seeing Lelouch._

The prince was talking to a blue-haired boy, and Suzaku caught the words "history test" as he passed by. He grimaced to himself. At a Britannian school, no doubt 'history' revolved around praising the emperor for all the lands he'd conquered and enslaved. His fingers curled into a fist, but he knew he had to conform to Britannian standards. It was an oath he'd taken to earn honorary status, and it was part of the reason being called a traitor weighed so heavily on his heart.

Lelouch smiled and tried to catch his eye, but Suzaku only faintly shook his head and walked on, reminding the other boy of their plan to ignore one another in public. Well, it was his own plan; Lelouch hadn't exactly agreed. As he finally entered the classroom, he felt his friend's stare boring into the back of his head. His heart started to pound. _Odd. My heart wasn't beating so fast when I was held up against the wall, but now that Lelouch is paying attention to me…_

Eyes softening, he slid into an empty seat and made a show of rummaging through his empty bag. At least he'd found his classroom. And, he reminded himself as he glanced towards the doorway, something much better.

*/*

"You're in my seat."

Suzaku looked up, startled. "Excuse me," he apologized, standing up and bowing to the girl. "I didn't mean to."

"Just go away!" the girl snapped, sniffing haughtily. "Now I need to clean my desk. Ugh, it has Eleven stench all over it!" Her nose wrinkling, she took a can of disinfectant from behind her back and showered the area with spray. Students in the room started coughing from the thick, sterilized smell. A complaint of "Damn, Chloe, that stinks!" came from the back of the classroom.

Eyes wide, Suzaku took a few steps backwards. He accidentally bumped into a boy, and the boy growled and pushed him into another student. "I'm sorry!" the brunet cried, hands sweating, as he careened into the second body.

"It's all right," murmured a deep, familiar voice. Pale, slender hands caught and righted Suzaku, brushing off specks of dust from his shoulders. "I know you're not at fault." Purple eyes glared at the hostile Britannians in the room before shining softly in the Japanese boy's direction. Letting his hands settle more firmly on the new student's shoulders, the second boy squeezed lightly in comfort. "Why don't you come sit by me?" he offered, voice raised higher than normal to make a point.

A corner of Suzaku's lips turned up in a smile, but he shook his head. Something in his stomach flipped. "Thank you for the offer, but I don't want to cause any more trouble. The teacher will tell me where to sit."

Lelouch looked disappointed, but he nodded anyway. "If that's what you want," he said dismissively. A hurt tone underlay his words, buried under feigned disinterest.

Suzaku sighed. _We can't be close, Lelouch. I know you want to be, but that's just not possible. Not with us being who we are._

"What's all the commotion?" snapped the teacher as she walked into the room. "Mr. Fox, are you telling another baseball story? Save it for the end of class." She dropped her books and papers on her desk and surveyed her students, giving a long look to a redhead Britannian boy—the one who'd kept watch as the gang of bullies assaulted the Eleven transfer. Behind the teacher's glasses, her stern brown eyes narrowed as they fell on Suzaku. "Who are you?" she demanded. As if that weren't enough, she cracked her ruler on the side of the desk.

Suzaku flinched. "My name is Kururugi Suzaku," he began. "I'm the new—"

"Eleven!" shouted the boy Suzaku had accidentally knocked into. Taking a deep breath, the boy repeated calmly, "He's the new _Eleven_." Azure eyes glinted darkly in the transfer student's direction.

Still wincing, Suzaku looked around to notice that the boy's burning look was reflected in nearly all the others' eyes. Lelouch's burning look was directed at the boy who'd shouted, but his facial expression matched those of his racist classmates all the same. Suzaku swallowed and tried to do damage control. "That's right," he said. "I'm an Honorary Britannian."

At his vocalized loyalty, about ten students relaxed their posture. Some hesitant smiles replaced scathing frowns. A girl with red-orange hair actually beamed at him from across the room, olive green eyes sparkling with warmth.

The teacher's eyes never left Suzaku's. "All right then, Kururugi," she said evenly. "That explains who you are, but not what you are doing in my classroom." Her fingers tightened around the ruler.

Sweat slid down Suzaku's neck. _Did I get the wrong room after all?_ "I just transferred into this class," he explained, licking his lips. "I was filling out the paperwork yesterday morning, so I missed this period." He bowed deeply in apology.

"You will stand up straight when you address me," barked the teacher, again cracking her ruler. As per Britannian standards, she was not culturally sensitive. "I am Mrs. Kerr, and an _Eleven_ of all people will respect me!"

Suzaku nodded frantically on instinct, his heart twisting in his chest. The last of his confidence was fading rapidly. _This teacher is so obvious. At least some of the others have the decency to be subtle._

Shaking her head, the openly-racist teacher continued, "I haven't heard anything about a new transfer, so you can stand in the back until I figure out what to do with you." She pointed to one of the rear corners and turned her attention to a pile of papers on her desk. "As for the rest of you, sit down so we can start. If Kuru-whatever-his-name-is is telling the truth—and that's a big if, considering his background—then he needs to take yesterday's test before I can return everyone else's. Blame _him_ for the delay." She started to smirk before catching sight of a waving hand and sighing deeply, "Yes, Mr. Lamperouge?"

Lelouch lowered his arm. "Ma'am," he said respectfully, "Suzaku wasn't here to learn the material that was on yesterday's test, so shouldn't he be excused?" He smiled politely and waited.

The brunet soldier's head jerked in surprise. _Oh, Lelouch._ A small smile turned his lips. _You're always looking out for me. You don't have to, really!_ Despite his brain's misgivings, warmth blossomed in his chest. Right then and there, it didn't matter how the teacher responded; the mere fact that Lelouch supported him was enough. _Then again, he shouldn't publicly stick up for me. We went over this last night. What is he thinking?!_

Sighing again, Mrs. Kerr cut into Suzaku's thoughts. "Kuru-I-don't-care was enrolled as of yesterday morning, if his story checks out. That means he is responsible for completing the assignments—including tests—that occurred during the time he missed while officially enrolled." Her gaze sharpened and she snapped at the black-haired boy, "Don't tell me you're dying to know how poorly _you_ performed on yesterday's test, Mr. Lamperouge!"

Suzaku tilted his head and blinked, all previous thoughts forgotten. _Lelouch? Fail a test? Impossible!_ The Britannian prince was a genius; Suzaku knew that _that_ couldn't have changed over the past seven years. Green eyes widened minutely in shock when Lelouch, instead of arguing or looking upset, smugly turned to the blue-haired boy from the hallway and winked.

Another hand rose into the air. "So you're saying we have to wait for the Eleven to finish the test before _we_ get to see _our_ grades?" asked a girl without waiting to be called on. She didn't say the word 'Eleven' like it was a disease, just like it was matter-of-fact.

"That's the policy," Mrs. Kerr confirmed, shooting an irritated look Suzaku's way. "And you, Miss Moore, would do well to remember to speak only when given permission." The girl shrank back in her seat, and the teacher grumbled, "Enough talk about it." Surveying the worried looks of her students, she gave in and allowed them a small sense of hope. "In the meantime, I can say that _most_ of you," she said with a significant look at Lelouch, "did fine." Retrieving her textbook, she instructed the class, "Open your books to page 487." Glancing around the classroom, she spotted the boy in the back and directed, "Kuru-boy, you can start us off."

Suzaku went numb. "I…I don't have my books yet," he explained weakly. It was easier than admitting that his books were stolen by bullies in the hallway, and he looked down in shame. _This is getting off to a really bad start._

Snorting, Mrs. Kerr mumbled, "Just what I'd expect of an Eleven. All right then, Mr. Dixon, _you_ may begin. Page 487, please."

The boy from before, the one who'd pushed Suzaku into Lelouch, started to read, "'As with the first Britannian colonies, Area 11 was easily crushed by the Imperial Army…'"

Lelouch's fingers curled into a fist beneath his desk.

Suzaku felt a cold wave of dread wash over him.

First period history was going to drag.

*/*

The bell finally rang after an hour of grueling historical facts. Suzaku had stayed on his feet through sheer force of will, jaw clenched as his ears were assaulted with phrases akin to, "as the Japanese died out," "the Number System…the spirit of Britannia's generosity," and "replaced by 'Eleven.'" He'd stayed quiet throughout class discussion, keeping his eyes trained on the blackboard above Mrs. Kerr's head. His hands were shaking by the end.

Suzaku waited for the majority of the class to file out before moving. He looked away from the Britannian boys, whom he recognized only as Fox and Dixon, as they flashed him cold looks on their way out the door. Fishing out his schedule, he smiled at the thought of his next class: gym. He rolled his shoulders, working out the kinks, and looked forward to working out the rest of the jitteriness in his system. His blood was racing, and he was in the perfect state of mind to sweat out some of his frustration. As he took his first step from the back corner, he noticed the red-orange-haired girl from earlier dart over towards the windows.

"Lelou!" she called, coming to a stop in front of Lelouch's desk. "You're _not_ skipping out on gym today!" She followed up her order with a quick stomp of her foot.

The ex-prince raised an eyebrow but didn't protest as the girl tugged at his arm.

"Come on," the girl encouraged. "Let's walk to gym together." She blushed hotly as soon as the words left her lips, and she nervously wrung her hands together. "Um…if, if you want to, that is…"

Lelouch directed a dazzlingly friendly smile at her, and her blush deepened. "Of course I don't mind, Shirley."

Suzaku immediately noticed that Lelouch's voice took on that alluring feel again—the same one he'd adopted last night during dinner. The Japanese almost swooned along with the girl—Shirley—at the sound of it. He hurriedly checked his bag to look like he was doing something besides eavesdropping, deeming it safe to walk across campus now and avoid a lot of the harassment.

He nearly ripped apart the strap of his bag when he felt the stirrings of jealousy in his stomach. _I want Lelouch to smile at_ _ **me**_ _like that._ Last night was conveniently forgotten. _But doesn't this prove it's all for the best? Lelouch has moved on. He's made new friends…and replaced me._ The brunet soldier shook his head, clenching his eyes shut. On the backs of his eyelids, he saw Lelouch as a child-prince running through the tall, green stems of sunflowers. _That's right. That's all we ever got together: one lousy summer. The greatest summer— the greatest_ _ **time**_ — _of my life. But still, it's not comparable! Lelouch has had_ _ **years**_ _to build friendships with these Britannian students._ Surely feeling cheated was allowed?

But then, he was an Eleven. Shouldn't he be used to being cheated?

"Do you want to walk with us?"

Startled, Suzaku dropped his bag. His eyes shot open and he stared at Lelouch, horrified. _What is he doing?_ _Doesn't he understand the need to ignore me?!_ Suzaku took a fearful step back. "Um."

The red-orange-haired girl looked disappointed for a second before a wide smile stole onto her face. Voice gentle, she said, "Yeah, you're new, right? Come on! Lelou and I will show you where the gym is."

Suzaku dazedly picked up his bag. "Lelou?" he repeated skeptically.

"It's Lelouch," the prince corrected calmly, holding out his hand. Purple eyes narrowed meaningfully at the brunet.

The Honorary Britannian understood the implied warning. "Suzaku," he 'introduced' himself, then reached out to grasp Lelouch's warm hand. A weird jolt zipped through his body, making him drop the other boy's hand fairly quickly. Lowering his gaze, he held his hand out to his friend's company.

The girl reciprocated the gesture and giggled, "Oh, I'm Shirley! It's nice to meetcha. I'm sure it's gotta be rough, being new here and…and, well, everything." She looked embarrassedly to the floor, then grabbed both boys by their elbows and dragged them out the classroom door. "Now hurry or we're gonna be late!"

"I wouldn't mind," Lelouch felt the need to say, and Suzaku laughed despite himself. Straggling students glared at the trio in the hallway, but oddly enough Suzaku thought it wasn't that bad when he was directly surrounded by well-meaning people.

Shirley growled at the ebony-haired boy, " _You_ wouldn't mind skipping gym altogether to go gamble!"

"Gamble?" Suzaku repeated, feeling awkward.

Shirley nodded once, disapproval evident in her eyes. "Lelou likes to gamble chess in the underground."

The soldier blinked at this new information. _Of course Lelouch loves chess! He only lived and breathed it when we were boys. But gambling? I'm pretty sure that's illegal._ Green eyes widened as he hurried along with the others. _Then again, it's been seven years. Lelouch has changed a bit._ Yet again, he mulled over the proof of how Lelouch had moved on with his life, grown up, and developed his talents in a way that—while not productive or legal—was certainly better than hurting or killing (which _was_ productive _and_ legal if one was part of the Britannian Army). Suzaku's heart sank.

"It helps pay for necessary expenditures," Lelouch pointed out rationally, mouthing 'Nunnally' to Suzaku when Shirley wasn't looking.

Suzaku jerked back to reality and nodded in understanding. While he shared Shirley's sentiments, he knew why Lelouch couldn't risk a normal job. "Ah," he managed, not knowing what else to say—at least in front of Shirley.

"There are better, _legal_ ways to earn money," Shirley refuted, rounding on Lelouch to glare at him, proving that Lelouch kept his heritage secret from his school friends. "You and Rivalz need to start acting more responsible!"

The Japanese boy blinked. _'Rivalz'? Britannian names are so_ _ **weird**_ _._

Lelouch calmly stared back at the girl. "We're going to be late," he pointed out, completely ignoring her last statement.

With a panicked shriek, Shirley dragged them the rest of the way to the gym. She left them by the boys' changing room door, glancing back at least five times before she disappeared into the girls' locker room.

"She seems annoyed at you," Suzaku said, fidgeting. "Is it because you asked me to come along?"

Lelouch shot him a glare. "No, idiot," he said, falling back into old habits. "Didn't you hear her? She's mad that I gamble."

"Which you shouldn't do," the brunet agreed.

"Not you too," the prince groaned. "Look, it doesn't hurt anyone." He scowled. "She should never have said anything. For all she knew, you could have been a fiercely loyal soldier who would have arrested me for conducting illegal activities."

Suzaku cracked a grin, leaning easily against the wall. "Maybe that's what she was hoping for. You're lucky that I'm a fiercely loyal soldier who would never arrest his _best friend_ for doing illegal stuff."

Lelouch stared at him intensely. "Promise?" he asked, though the teasing tone was absent from his voice.

The soldier shifted uncomfortably. The air felt heavy on his skin, pressing down on him with the weight of his pledge. " _Pinky_ promise," he answered determinedly, green eyes glinting with seriousness.

The prince's face broke into a grin, and he stepped towards the younger boy. Suzaku blushed at the close proximity, and Lelouch halted, tilting his head in confusion. Before he could inquire what was wrong, the door to the boy's locker room opened and a horde of Britannian male students rushed out. Then, his smile capsizing, Lelouch narrowed his eyes and very slowly lifted his hand, brushing his fingerpads softly against the dried cut on Suzaku's temple. "What happened?" he murmured suspiciously. "You didn't have this injury last night."

Suzaku felt a wave of lightheadedness at Lelouch's intimate touch and he closed his eyes, simply relishing the feel of the other boy's fingers on his skin. _He pays such careful attention to me_ , the brunet noticed, his heart jumping at the discovery.

Lelouch trailed his fingers lightly back and forth the thin line of scab, seemingly trying to offer some comfort. "Well?" he pressed, his concern for the soldier evident in both voice and touch.

Shrugging, Suzaku sighed and answered, "I was just…clumsy. I caught my head on the desk corner when I fell." He opened his eyes just in time to see the prince raise a skeptical eyebrow. Before he could argue, the brunet rushed to deter him with, "We should probably get changed."

"We'll be discussing this later," the ebony-haired teen grumbled, casting Suzaku a worried glance. He still wasn't one to back down.

Gulping and nodding, Suzaku stepped away from his best friend's hand and into the locker room, making a beeline for the wooden bench closest to the front. He rummaged through his bag for his gym uniform, laying his clothes out on the bench. Feeling Lelouch join him, he looked up—and promptly bit his tongue when the prince unashamedly peeled off his black uniform jacket and white button-up shirt. Suzaku's chest tightened, and he felt his groin throb as inch by inch of pale skin was revealed. He took a step back, his forming erection making it hard to walk.

"You okay?" Lelouch asked concernedly, eyes fixed on the other's clammy face. "It's just gym. I thought you were an exercise nut."

Suzaku tore his gaze from the older boy's naked chest, trying to focus on something other than Lelouch's perked pink nipples and creamy skin. "I'm fine," he managed in a husky voice, then swallowed. "I just need to use the restroom. Don't wait up," he added as an afterthought.

Inside the middle stall, Suzaku fumbled with the fastenings of his pants. "Damn," he hissed as the rough, shifting fabric made his situation worse. "Why is this happening?" he growled to himself in a whisper. _It's just Lelouch. What is wrong with me?!_ He couldn't remember ever being this hard.

Realization struck him, and he paused with his zipper halfway down. As his erection strained against the looser fabric of his boxer shorts, the soldier wondered aloud to himself, "What am I doing?" Burying his face in his hands, he left his sex neglected in its confines. "No way should I be doing this!" he ordered himself in another whisper, hoping the sound of his own voice would ground him to reality. Because certainly thinking of Lelouch in _that_ way was impossible. Just because the Britannian ex-prince was attractively alluring did not make him fair game for masturbation fantasies. That was crossing the best-friend border into a realm of intimacy Suzaku wasn't sure he wanted to venture.

…But those deep violet eyes and black hair. That thin, lithe frame. The sharp cut of his jaw, and the way his lips turned down when he was brooding. His pale skin and long neck. The deep sound of his voice when he was annoyed. Lelouch was like sex personified. Imagining the older boy made Suzaku's stomach twist, and another stab of heat flashed straight down to his crotch.

Suzaku groaned. Desire. That was what it all boiled down to. His body had been letting him know these past twenty-four hours that it liked Lelouch—very, very much. Like an idiot, he'd ignored the signs and now it had culminated in _this_. His burning erection twitched. His breathing accelerated and he leaned against the closed door of the stall, letting it support his weight. He couldn't touch himself with a free conscience, so there was nothing to do but wait it out. How long would it take his arousal to soften? Suzaku hoped it wouldn't take all period; he couldn't afford to make any more bad first impressions at school. Cock throbbing again, he glanced down and scowled at it. What would Lelouch think, to know he was in the foremost of his best friend's sex daydreams?

It was too embarrassing to think about.

What did Lelouch mean to him? A lot, of course, but how much? _Too_ much? _Could_ he love Lelouch _too_ much? Suzaku sighed, resting the back of his skull on the door. This was too complicated to figure out by himself, and he certainly couldn't ask Lelouch for help. _There must be something wrong with_ _me!_

Squeezing his eyes shut, blocking out the world, Suzaku waited. As a trained soldier, he forced his mind to focus on other things. The Lancelot needed another tune-up. Someone high up on the military chain of command wanted to do a follow-up investigation on him concerning the whole Zero incident. Nunnally wanted him to visit for dinner. Lelouch—

Lelouch.

Suzaku swallowed thickly, his pants tightening again. _This is taking forever!_ Would it really hurt to just reach down and…? His hand drifted lower, but he curled his fingers into a fist and snatched it back at the last instant. No. He would not dishonor his friendship with Lelouch. He would not sully the memory of his friend with carnal hunger. He would outlast his body! His frame shook from the force of his self-control, and sweat beaded on his forehead. Shame still flushed his cheeks, but there was nothing he could do so long as he was aroused.

Again, he forced his thoughts in other directions. He was getting better as a Knightmare frame pilot. He should be in gym. If Shirley was any indication, he was beginning to be accepted at Ashford Academy. Finally, at long last, his erection went away and the soldier hurriedly did up his pants. While washing his hands, he splashed cool water on his heated face.

His feet felt heavy as he lugged himself back to the wooden bench. And stared. His gym uniform was right where he'd left it, but his shirt was now decorated with red graffiti. Feeling numb, he reached for it and held it up, green eyes scanning the words: "Go back to your ghetto!" On the back, it read, "Filthy Eleven!"

Suzaku lowered his head and sank onto the bench, gathering the stained fabric in his arms. He sat there for a minute, letting the fear, embarrassment, anxiety, and anger wash over him. He'd expected this, but his chest was still tight with hurt. Everyone except Lelouch hated him; hell, he hated _himself_. Suzaku shut his eyes against reality and imagined, just for a few seconds, what it would be like to not have to face the demeaning insults and prejudice every day of his life. His breath caught, and his eyes snapped open. Gym wasn't over yet, and he wasn't going to let racist Britannians scare him into hiding.

He threw on his defiled clothes and jogged out to the soccer field.

*/*

"Kururugi!" bellowed the gym instructor, Coach Ryder, striding over to the Japanese boy with an angry scowl on his face. He'd at least _tried_ to pronounce the new name on his roster. "I know you're new here, but that's no excuse to disregard school rules. A _baby_ knows that you don't write on your gym uniform. Let's see…I think three weeks worth of detention is appropriate for someone like you," he sneered.

 _Someone like you_. Suzaku clenched a fist in righteous anger, but only nodded politely in his gym teacher's direction. "I understand, sensei—er, I mean, sir." He flinched at the 'look' the coach sent him in response.

"Stand up straight when you show up for my class, Kururugi," ordered Coach Ryder haughtily. "And make sure your uniform isn't wrinkled. Come on, stop hunching over. You can be the first to run the hard-level obstacle course today; consider it your welcome to the school." A twisted smile graced his lips.

Suzaku took a deep breath before standing at attention, the words 'Go back to your ghetto!' in plain sight across his chest. He took small comfort in the fact that he excelled in physical activity. _This guy thinks it's a punishment, but he has no idea who he's dealing with! I can do this obstacle course in my sleep—twice. But still, if he keeps treating me like this, maybe I should just start skipping this class with Lelouch._ His heart pounded at the thought of spending every second period alone with his best friend, away from the racism and classism that guided the rest of Britannian society. _But no, how would I explain skipping if I got caught?_

Looking around, he noticed his friend shaking with rage. Lelouch looked ready to step in and defend him, but Suzaku only shook his head. _Nothing good will come of this if Lelouch gets involved._

"Did you hear me, Kururugi?" snarled the gym teacher.

Suzaku locked eyes with him. "Yes, sir."

"Good. Then get to it." The coach blew the whistle directly into Suzaku's face.

The soldier took a deep breath and shot off in the pointed direction. Even the hard-level obstacle course here was ten times easier than his military training sessions, and his feet pounded on the firm turf as he raced around the lawn. He threw himself into his 'punishment' with abandon, narrowing his train of thought to focus on each part. His muscles ached, but it was a good ache—freeing, somehow. He scaled erected walls and jumped across sand pits, finishing the obstacle course in record time.

Lelouch was struggling with the easy-level obstacle course.

"Nicely done, Kururugi," Coach Ryder grudgingly praised him, jerking his attention away from the flailing Britannian prince. "I'll decrease your detention time to only one week if you keep up that level of performance." He dismissed Suzaku abruptly. " _Lamperouge_!" he shrieked, blowing on his whistle. "Run, you wuss! You're not even halfway done yet!"

Suzaku's face scrunched as he watched, and he pitied his friend. Seven years had done nothing to help Lelouch's stamina, it seemed. It was comically pathetic to see the black-haired Britannian actually _crawl_ to the finish line twenty-three minutes later, gasping for breath. The time gave Suzaku a chance to get over his embarrassing thoughts about his friend and cool down, though watching a sweaty and panting Lelouch did much to keep his blood heated. The soldier bounced easily over to the sickly-looking boy and offered a hand. He didn't think the proud prince would accept, but he had to offer, "Need some help?"

"Yes, please," Lelouch moaned, surprisingly, obviously trying to see past the sweat dripping into his eyes. "Carry me."

Green eyes widened. "What?"

"You heard me," the prince rasped.

Shirley and the blue-haired boy from earlier—the one Lelouch had been talking to that morning—ran up to the duo. "Lelou!" the orange-haired girl fretted. "Are you okay?!"

"Aw," the blue-haired Britannian joked, "Lelouch is worn out again from gym class. Hey, buddy, tomorrow we'll go gambling instead."

"You will _not_!" Shirley argued, poking the boy in the chest. "Rivalz, stop encouraging Lelou's bad habits!"

Suzaku smiled at their antics, feeling some of his anxiety ebb away. He knelt next to Lelouch and grasped him by the shoulders, hauling him to his knees. "Come on, get up," he wheedled.

The other boy, Rivalz, noticed him for the first time. "Hey, you're that Eleven transfer student!"

Before Suzaku could answer, Shirley jumped in. "Yeah, and he's really nice! Lelou and I walked him to class." She smiled at the brunet, clearly pleased with their earlier interaction—or perhaps she was just admiring how Lelouch had made the first move to befriend a lowly Eleven.

"Cool," Rivalz said, his voice upbeat. "That's just like Lelouch. Always looking out for the little guy."

Suzaku bristled, then forced himself to calm down. The boy probably hadn't meant to insult him—which was funny, because most people here did. He rotated a bit to face the two of them directly. "I'm Suzaku," he said, hesitantly smiling at his new acquaintances.

"I'm Rivalz!" the boy said, though Suzaku had already determined his identity.

Suzaku opened his mouth to say something, then froze as he felt sweaty hands scrabbling at his back.

Lelouch used his last reserves of strength to lift himself up and drape himself over Suzaku's back. He wrapped his arms around the younger boy's broad shoulders, and dug his knees into the tops in the brunet's hips. "I'm ready to go," he said weakly. "Don't worry, I have enough strength to hang on for the ride."

In jerky movements, Suzaku rose to his feet and reached back to support his friend's weight. He blushed as his fingers swept across Lelouch's hanging bottom, but it was the easiest place to put his hands. "Why are we doing this again?" he asked dryly.

"Because I'm tired," Lelouch quipped, sighing in apparent contentment as he settled into the younger boy's hold. "And you're both my friend and an exercise nut, so I know I can trust you to carry me back."

"Whoa," Rivalz breathed, awestruck. "Man, he already trusts you?!"

Warmth flew through Suzaku's chest. "It wasn't easy to earn, mind you," he said to the other Britannian male—the one not clinging to his back.

Rivalz shook his head. "Still, it was pretty quick. You've been here, what, a day?"

Snapping his mouth shut, the Honorary Britannian looked to the ground. He'd forgotten that the others didn't know about his and Lelouch's shared past. He _knew_ it wasn't a good idea to be close.

"He's my friend," the exhausted student repeated warningly.

"I get it, I get it," Rivalz said quickly, holding up his hands in surrender. "Let's just go get changed. Hey Suzaku, man, tough break about your uniform. Some of the people here are real pigheaded bastards."

The Japanese boy shrugged, which wasn't easy to do with Lelouch wrapped around his shoulders. "I expected it coming in," he said flippantly and started to walk back to the locker room. Shirley and Rivalz trailed behind, and Suzaku was glad they couldn't see the front of his shorts. He was tired and spent, but feeling Lelouch's body pressed so closely to his own was doing wonders for his libido. At least he could pass off the sweat and red face as side-effects from exercise.

"Tomorrow," Lelouch piped up, "you can wear my uniform."

Suzaku walked in silence for a few seconds, processing Lelouch's offer. "How come?" he asked finally.

Lelouch dug his chin into the other boy's shoulder. "Because I won't need it. I'm going gambling instead."

Shirley immediately protested, but the black-haired boy only closed his eyes and ignored her.

"You can come if you want," he murmured invitingly into the shell of Suzaku's ear, his lips lightly brushing the back of the brunet's lobe.

Suzaku stiffened in response. He couldn't suppress a shiver, and the prince's words made him think of the hour before, when he was barricaded in the bathroom stall, his clothed cock straining and Lelouch's name ringing in his head. It was almost like Lelouch was granting permission. "I'll think about it," he choked out, and he felt Lelouch's lips curve into a wicked smirk against the side of his neck.

*/*

-End Chapter-


	2. Growing Fire

**An unrated version of this story is on my AO3 account (NeoDiji) and linked on my Tumblr (NeoDiji).**

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.

Thank you to everyone who commented, favorited, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D

Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. Go read her Undertale comic, _Refuse_. :D

*/*

 _Something Worth Blackmailing_

Alternatively: _Two Boys and Their Love_

*/*

Chapter Two: Growing Fire

*/*

"Cat hunt, everyone!"

Suzaku looked up from his textbook. He was alone in an otherwise empty classroom, and he was trying to get caught up on some of the extra work he was assigned. His detention with Coach Ryder was set to start in an hour, so he had time to kill. He'd already tried to scrub his gym shirt clean, but all he'd managed to do was rub the graffiti further into the fabric. Lelouch had disappeared right after the last class ended, and Suzaku hadn't wanted to bother him by showing up uninvited at the Lamperouge suite.

Not that he thought Lelouch would mind so terribly much.

"This is your Student Council president, Milly Ashford! There's a cat loose on campus, and it needs to be rounded up…"

Interest piqued, Suzaku slid to his feet. Cats were fast, but he thought he could catch one easily enough. What kind of soldier would he be if he couldn't capture one measly feline? And besides, maybe participating in a fun school-wide event would improve his social status. Maybe showing those racist Britannian boys what he was made of would change their minds. Listening to the directions spewing from the intercom, he resolved to catch the cat.

"And when you do catch that cat, there's an extra-special prize! A big ol' kiss from one of the members of the Council!" the Student Council president cackled.

Suzaku slipped into the hallway, falling into place behind a gaggle of schoolgirls.

"A Student Council member! Does that include Lelouch?" they giggled amongst themselves.

Suzaku stopped in his tracks. Even in Britannian culture, 'Lelouch' was not a common name. _If I caught the cat, could I win myself a kiss from my best friend?_ As soon as he thought it, he stomped that idea into the metaphorical ground, shocked with himself for even considering it. _If I ever do kiss Lelouch, I want it to be because of mutual affection, not because it's forced as part of the conditions of some game_. _That, knowing Lelouch, he probably never agreed to in the first place_. On that note, he didn't want any of those flighty schoolgirls to get near his friend's lips. _Yes, I have to protect Lelouch's virtue!_ Even Suzaku knew how far he was stretching it, but he felt he needed the ridiculous excuse. Still determined to catch the cat, he ran off to look for it.

He'd been searching for roughly ten minutes when he ran into a flustered-looking Lelouch—a much better find than the cat altogether.

"Suzaku!"

"Lelouch!"

The Britannian boy doubled over, gasping for breath again.

The sight oddly enough reminded Suzaku of the end of gym class. Then he remembered the _beginning_ of gym class, and before his pants could tighten, he rushed to distract himself with a probing question. "Are you looking for the cat, too?" The brunet shot the older boy a shaky grin.

Lelouch's head shot up, purple eyes wide and panicked. "Y-you're looking for the cat?" he asked warily. "Suzaku, don't—"

Nodding, the impatient brunet explained, "The Student Council president said to catch it, so I thought…"

"Please don't get involved with this," Lelouch said, violet eyes pleading with him to stay put. "I'll get the cat!"

Suzaku lifted his chin. " _You'll_ get it? Lelouch, you can't even stand!" His eyes narrowed critically as he looked his friend up and down—he was not checking him out, dammit, but god was that boy attractive—taking in the prince's pale face and wide eyes. Lelouch was more disheveled than Suzaku had seen him yet; even his black hair was mussed from running. _Why in the world is Lelouch so scared of me finding the cat? Is it just me, or is he scared_ _ **anyone**_ _might happen across the cat?_ He couldn't remember Lelouch being so frantic—except over Nunnally. But Nunnally, as far as Suzaku could tell, was no cat. Maybe he was missing something.

The prince stumbled closer to his friend, clearly winded from running all over campus. He collapsed against Suzaku's stronger frame, and the brunet tried to stabilize him while steadying his own nerves at the close contact. "You'll just have to stay with me then," the older boy whispered—just as a cat's meow echoed down from the top of the school bell tower.

Torn, the soldier itched to lay his weak friend against a pillar and dash up the stairs. But he wouldn't do that, not to Lelouch. "No, you'll just have to come with me," he decided and pulled the gasping teen to the top. He felt like he'd jerked the poor prince's arms out of his sockets a couple times, but Lelouch was lagging behind and Suzaku wanted to reach that cat. He couldn't resist the urge to tease his friend about his stamina, and he found himself comfortable thinking of old times.

Lelouch always _had_ meant the world to him. Barring their disastrous first meeting, and the weeks of awkward disdain following, and the subsequent arguments they'd gotten into before giving friendship a try—okay, well, Lelouch had always been a driving force in his life. The resourceful prince had _become_ Suzaku's world during the war, when reality was collapsing around them like the gunned down innocents, and the bitter Britannian boy was the one who'd shared his strength with Suzaku so he could continue forward. Lelouch had left enough of an impact that Suzaku could find his own footing after the royal's contacts had whisked him and Nunnally away, and the brunet had hoped every day since their parting that their paths might cross again. Lelouch had been dragged from him by force and necessity as children, but there was no way Suzaku was letting go of him _now_.

The soldier then let go of the prince's hand to pull himself out the tiny window cut into the roof, and he spotted the cat a little farther up. He thought he noticed something black on its head, but he blinked and it was gone. Maybe he was seeing things; he was more focused on Lelouch than the cat anyway. He had to get his mind in gear. The plan was to climb up, gather the cat in his arms (it had nowhere to run), and return back to the safe interior of the tower—and to Lelouch. Of course, things were never that simple. As soon as Suzaku had scaled half the roof, Lelouch, tired though he was, tried to follow.

The prince misjudged a handhold, started to slide, and yelped—alerting Suzaku to the imminent danger.

"Lelouch!" the brunet screeched, feeling an icy fear well up in his chest. His frail friend was most likely drained from exhaustion and panic, determined the soldier. _If he falls, he won't survive!_ Suzaku panicked. _What would I do without him?_ Unwilling to go back to a life without Lelouch in it—been there, done that, it was godawful—Suzaku pushed himself down, ignoring any danger to himself so he could save his friend. He frantically grabbed the Britannian's hand, while the other grabbed hold of the windowsill; it wouldn't do if they _both_ fell to their deaths. No, he wasn't ready to face his—

His heart pounding furiously, Suzaku hauled Lelouch to the window, not breathing until the other boy was safe in his grasp. Raking his eyes over Lelouch's shaken but unhurt body, he breathed a sigh of relief, a weak chuckle escaping his lips.

Lelouch beamed at him and shuffled a bit closer, looking for stability on the roof tiles. "Suzaku," he breathed. "Thank you." Violet eyes were wide but calm, and some of Lelouch's inner strength transferred over to Suzaku through their linked hands. It really was reminiscent of all the close calls they'd saved each other from throughout the wartime.

"Pretty calm for someone on the verge of death," the brunet pointed out breathlessly. His heart was soaring and he felt closer to Lelouch than he had since starting Ashford Academy.

Lelouch laughed, "Yeah, right! I was just limp with fear."

Suzaku smiled, still giddy with relief. The look on the prince's face was overly warm and grateful and gave the brunet butterflies in his stomach, which didn't help with his dazed state. The top of a bell tower was no place to be dizzy, as Lelouch had just proven, and Suzaku's limbs started to shake in the aftermath of their near-death experience. "Go inside," he pleaded, nudging the black-haired boy towards the window opening. Maybe he didn't need to physically prod the black-haired boy to safety—the Britannian boy was certainly capable of understanding verbal directions by themselves—but Suzaku just couldn't help himself for some reason. "I'll get the cat and join you in a moment."

Purple eyes scanned the top of the bell tower, then drifted to the left as Lelouch came to a decision. "All right," he relented at last. Then, to Suzaku's great relief, he slid inside the bell tower.

The soldier counted to ten, regained his bearings, and turned to climb. Before he could start upwards, the cat scuttled down of its own accord, hopped into and out of his lap, and jumped right into Lelouch's waiting arms inside. Mentally shrugging, he followed, glad to have solid floor under his feet once more. Glad to stand by Lelouch's side once more.

"Here," Lelouch said softly, stepping closer. "After all that, you deserve him." He finished speaking and pressed the purring cat into Suzaku's arms. A deep chuckle emitted from his lips, and he squeezed Suzaku's shoulder appreciatively. "You should go on ahead. I have to do something real quick, but I'll be down in a moment."

Suzaku felt it was safer to look at the cat than at Lelouch. His grip on the feline tightened, and the cat hissed its displeasure. "I can wait for you," he offered, almost shyly. The brunet normally handled himself quite well with people, despite any prejudices on the other party's side. He could put on his front and blend in with society as much as he was allowed. Suzaku was by no means timid, but oddly enough, now that he was anxious to stay with his long-lost friend...

"No need," Lelouch said hastily. "I'll be right down." He smiled encouragingly at the younger boy and gently gave him a shove towards the stairs.

The brunet sighed but did as requested. He had such trouble denying his best friend. When he reached the bottom, he was surprised to find a good portion of the student body waiting for him. "Huh?" was all he could articulate at the sight.

"Good job, Suzaku!" Shirley exclaimed, running over. Rivalz followed quickly, also smiling. Suzaku relaxed at their friendly, familiar faces.

"So," boomed a blonde, emerging from the crowd. "This is the Eleven starring in all the rumors." She circled him, and Suzaku felt uneasy as he was being inspected from all angles. "You don't look dangerous," she concluded in a sweet voice. "You caught the cat and you saved our darling Lelou! Therefore, I say you must not be bad!"

Suzaku swallowed thickly. "Uh…"

The blonde moved to stand in front of him, unbearably close. "That cat was carrying something, wasn't it?" she asked slyly, leaning forward to invade his personal space even more.

Sheepishly, the brown-haired boy shrugged and smiled. "It was," he confirmed. "There was something on its head, but it must have slipped off when I wasn't looking." He automatically leaned back, trying to maintain distance from the invasive blonde girl. _Only Lelouch can be this close to me._ _Where is he when I need him?_

"And where's Lelou now?" Shirley asked desperately, echoing Suzaku's inner thought.

The Japanese boy smiled. "He'll be here soon," he promised. "He told me he had to do something, and that I should go on ahead."

"That's it!" the blonde screamed excitedly, pointing a finger at him. "The embarrassing secret that he's hiding!"

Suzaku blinked. _Lelouch is hiding something? I hope they're not onto his past! And his old friendship with me!_

"So that's it, Madame President?" Lelouch asked, walking out from the darkness to stand beside Suzaku. His presence calmed Suzaku's flurry of fears. "You staged this whole cat hunt just to embarrass me?"

"Yup," the blonde answered freely. "But you just had to ruin it. Man, after all these years, I thought I got some dirt on you!"

Lelouch suppressed a shudder.

"Yeah," Shirley teased. "He almost lost his cool for once."

Suzaku's smile grew as he turned to discreetly look at the prince. Lelouch had done well for himself, making kind-hearted—if not completely weird—friends for himself. He almost gave in to jealousy, but Lelouch stepped in again and took him by surprise.

"Madame President," he said formally, addressing the blonde with grudging respect. "Would you permit Suzaku as a member of the Student Council?"

Suzaku's jaw dropped, and he held the cat tighter in his arms. _What did he just say?!_ The feline hissed again and promptly bit down on his fingers. The soldier gasped and dropped the creature; the cat, of course, landed on its feet. "Le-Lelouch," he said wonderingly. "Why would you…"

"Don't question it," the prince ordered, turning to fix Suzaku with his intense stare. "You're required to join a club anyway, so you might as well be with me while you're at it, right?"

A wave of dizziness overcame Suzaku. "Yeah," he murmured, not knowing what to say. "That sounds good." He wanted to hug Lelouch, but he didn't think the prince would appreciate that effort. Then, after that, he wanted to smack Lelouch for bringing them closer together again. Didn't that blessed Britannian understand that they were better off apart? Honestly, Lelouch was _supposed_ to be _smart_.

The blonde blinked and stepped back. "Well," she said thoughtfully, "you _are_ the vice president." She looked between the two boys, and a wicked gleam sparkled in her eye. "I suppose I can't refuse."

"Do you two know each other?" asked a reddish-pink-haired girl, weaving her way to the front of the crowd.

Suzaku gaped at her, trying to find his voice. "N-no, we just—" he started, but Lelouch forcefully interrupted him.

"He's my friend," the prince proclaimed loudly, voice ringing through the school courtyard. "My _best_ friend," he continued, staring into Suzaku's eyes, obviously trying to get through to the stubborn Japanese.

Suzaku's breath caught in his throat, and everyone else gawked. Many students had horrified looks on their faces; the Japanese spotted several familiar profiles. In the crowd were the bullies from the hallway before first period, the proud Britannians from history class (there was Chloe's disgusted sneer, that Dixon kid's appalled face, that boy Fox's scornful expression), the girls who'd fled from him that morning when he'd asked for directions… Suzaku wanted to weasel his way back to the military base, but Lelouch only stepped closer and linked elbows with him, radiating support. Students clumped together in groups and started gossiping, only a few not sporting looks of outrage or disbelief.

" _Best_ friend?" the blonde president repeated loudly over the crowd, humming in her throat.

Lelouch smirked and nodded. "Yes," he confirmed quietly.

"Well," the blonde chirped cheerily, "that answers that. Okay, show's over, people! Everyone go back to club activities! All Student Council members, meet in the designated room!" She turned back to the two friends, blue eyes glittering with mischief, and reiterated, "And Lelouch? You can bring Suzaku with you." She motioned Shirley, Rivalz, the redhead, and another dark-green-haired girl with glasses across the lawn.

Lelouch heaved a sigh as he watched them go. "They're an odd bunch," he remarked wistfully. "But they're generally good people."

Suzaku nodded. In all his years, he'd never been as close to any friend as he'd been to Lelouch; even his fellow Honorary Britannian soldiers who technically shared his pain didn't get him on such a deep level as the Britannian prince seemed to, even after seven years of separation. The brunet idly pondered if the other boy thought the same way about _him_. He wondered if Lelouch could feel the pulsing connection in the air between them, too, linking them together in something special. _Or am I just another regular old friend, like those students on the Council? About them…_ "I don't want to invade your social life," he said, shifting awkwardly. Lelouch's arm around his was making his skin tingle, despite the barrier of clothing. "I mean, they're _your_ friends, so…"

"It's not like that," the black-haired boy rebuked. "You're not automatically their friend because of me. You have to earn their trust and friendship yourself; I'm just giving you an opportunity to get close to them and try." He smiled warmly in the soldier's direction before sliding his arm free of Suzaku's. "Let's go. The Student Council meets in the Clubhouse Hall, which is the same building I live in."

"Oh," the Japanese boy muttered. "Lead on, then."

Before Lelouch could take a step, three boys surrounded them. By the harsh expressions on their faces and the rippling muscles apparent even under their uniforms, they looked to be a formidable force. Suzaku took a step back automatically, trying to keep the peace, but Lelouch held his ground.

The boy in the middle leered. "Hey there, little Eleven fucker. Long time no see." His cronies laughed, and he had to raise his voice to be heard over them. "Good job finding the cat just now. Too bad I can't say the same about your books." He finally joined in the laughter, throwing his head back as the guffaws shook his body.

Suzaku lowered his head, brown bangs covering his eyes. His moment of victory hadn't lasted long after all. _Why can't they leave me alone?_

Lelouch's eyes narrowed and he took a measured step forward. "Well, well. Synclair Worth. Why does it not surprise me that you've taken to bullying Suzaku?" His jaw muscles worked as his teeth clenched, and he stared up into steely gray eyes.

"Well, well. Lelouch Lamperouge," mocked the ringleader. "Why does it not surprise _me_ that _you've_ taken a liking to society's trash?" Still chuckling, he made a show of holding his nose, gesturing to Suzaku. His two followers chorused beside him, "Ew! Ew!" They were like a gang of middle-school girls—more annoying than anything, but still hurtful in the end.

Suzaku cringed.

Lelouch glared. "Step aside and leave us alone," he ordered.

The three boys didn't listen. Synclair Worth, the leader, only brushed his sandy-brown hair off his forehead and smirked. "Keep an eye out, losers," he warned. "You two may be 'best friends,' but Kururugi's an Eleven and _I_ have society on my side." Gray eyes glinted. With a cheerful wave, he gathered his two friends and called to Suzaku, "You got a little something on your head, you garbage pile. Maybe you should be more careful with your books, huh?" He chuckled, turned, and threw ominously over his shoulder, "See you before class tomorrow, little fucker!"

Raising his head, Suzaku watched them go with a defeated expression. Without looking at Lelouch, he explained weakly, "They…threw my textbooks at my head this morning." As he finally admitted the truth aloud, he touched the cut on his temple to make the connection clear. "Then they took my books away."

The raven-haired boy stared long and hard at his friend, purple eyes guarded. Finally, he just sighed. Disappointed. "Let's get to the Student Council. Everyone's waiting."

*/*

Suzaku's heart rate picked up as they neared their destination. He wanted to grab onto Lelouch's arm again, but he shied away from the thought. His imagination kept reminding him of earlier in the locker room, and a million questions lingered on his mind. Humiliation and apprehension kept his mouth shut; he didn't want Lelouch to somehow sense the truth and be disgusted with him. _I couldn't bear it if Lelouch kept his distance, even though that's what I said I wanted._ "Thank you for everything," he mumbled, keeping his eyes on the grass.

Lelouch grunted in acknowledgment. "I've done nothing you need to thank me for, Suzaku." He seemed at peace walking with Suzaku to the Student Council room if the content little smile on his face was anything to judge by.

The brunet grinned, trembling a little as they entered the Clubhouse Hall, the cat trotting at their heels. He was going to be spending time with Lelouch's friends, and he didn't want to mess up. _I hope they like me._

With a nod of encouragement, Lelouch pushed open the door to the Student Council room and stepped inside. Breathing deeply, Suzaku followed.

"Lelou!" Shirley launched herself at him.

Something burned in Suzaku's belly at the sight. Burying any negative emotions, he glanced around the room.

The blonde president cheerily waved at him. "I'm Milly Ashford!" she introduced herself finally. "I'm sure you'll be a great addition to the Council, Suzaku. If Lelouch believes in you, I have to respect that; not many people earn our dear Lelouch's trust so easily."

"I can imagine," the brunet laughed. He smiled softly at the discovery that even after seven years, Lelouch was still Lelouch.

The redhead stepped forward. "I'm Kallen," she said, and immediately coughed and fell to her knees. At once, Suzaku knelt by her side.

"She's just sick a lot," Rivalz explained. "Nothing to worry about. She's not dying or anything."

"How rude!" Shirley exclaimed, backing off of Lelouch and glaring at the blue-haired gambler. "Don't take Kallen's illness so lightly, Rivalz!"

Kallen nodded her thanks and stood, wobbling unsteadily on her feet. Suzaku put his arms out to steady her, but she never fell over, and he eventually lowered his arms so he didn't look stupid.

"So, Suzaku," Milly said slyly, gliding over to stand beside him. "You caught the cat, so you get to choose one of us to give you a kiss. Who oh who shall it be?" Her mischievous eyes flicked towards Lelouch, and the brunet soldier started to breathe a little heavier.

"No one," he said. "I don't know any of you well enough to—I mean, besides Lelouch, but that is—"

Shirley shook her head, casting the Japanese boy a sympathetic glance. "Milly, don't force Suzaku to choose someone. He's right; he doesn't know anyone. It's not fair to expect him to feel comfortable enough with one of us…"

Milly giggled. "But I promised that the winner could earn a kiss from a member of the Council. I won't go back on my word."

Huffing, the orange-haired girl said, "But he doesn't _want_ to!"

They went back and forth, arguing over Suzaku's right to a kiss. The brunet plopped himself onto a couch cushion to wait it out, and he smiled brightly when Lelouch came to hover over him.

"This is ridiculous," the prince said quietly, but everyone heard and stopped what they were doing to stare at him. Purple eyes searched green, and Lelouch carefully nudged Suzaku's chin up with a pale index finger. Suzaku's breathing grew shallow, but the Britannian boy only leaned down and—at the last second—tilted his head to the side so his lips lightly brushed the Japanese boy's cheek.

Suzaku froze. His pulse was racing so hard he barely felt the gesture. His fingers clenched around the couch cushion, and he couldn't help the near-inaudible whimper that escaped him as Lelouch pulled away.

Milly catcalled.

"There," Lelouch said softly. "Problem solved. Okay?"

The brunet nodded numbly. "Y-yeah…" _Wow._

"Just like when we were kids, right?" the prince reminded him, taking a seat on the couch. Again, Suzaku nodded.

Shirley's eyes bulged out of her head. " _What?!_ "

Lelouch redirected his attention to her. "Suzaku and I were best friends when we were young. I consider it good fortune that we ended up running into each other here."

Rivalz swung around. "Whoa, really?! No wonder you trust him already."

Shirley pointed an accusing finger at the black-haired boy. "But…but you guys _introduced_ yourselves today!"

Suzaku raised his hand, forgetting he wasn't in class. "That was my fault. I thought it would be best if we pretended not to know each other." He glared at his best friend, eyes smoldering. "I still don't think you should've ruined yourself like that. I'm an Eleven, Lelouch, and not everyone is so accepting. Why make enemies for my sake?" _And he calls_ _ **me**_ _stupid!_

Lelouch shrugged. "Because you're worth it. We're best friends, Suzaku, and I've never forgotten." He glared right back, defiance flashing in his eyes.

The prince's adamant words soothed Suzaku's aching heart, and the Japanese student relaxed more easily under Lelouch's watch. "Me neither," he said.

"So trust me," Lelouch tossed back. "I know what I'm doing."

 _If there's anyone in the world I trust, it's you, Lelouch_. "I know," the soldier said evenly. "I do trust you. I just don't want you to suffer because of me."

Lelouch shook his head, exasperated, but there was a small smile tugging at his lips nonetheless. "You worry too much. I'll be fine."

"Aren't they _cute?_ " Milly squealed. "Look at them, sitting together and having a heart-to-heart!"

Suzaku jerked to his feet. "Sorry!" he said frantically, as if "having a heart-to-heart" was suddenly a crime.

"You've nothing to apologize for," the prince said, narrowing his eyes at Suzaku's attitude.

The brunet winced, remembering something. "I do, though. I have to go—got detention earlier, remember?"

Milly waved her hand flippantly. "Oh, don't worry about that. I'll take care of it for you."

Suzaku stared at her unsurely. "Uh…" _Do I want to know?_

The blonde drew him into a friendly, one-armed hug. "Oh, Suzaku," she said pityingly. "You don't know yet what it means to be part of Milly Ashford's Student Council."

"And with luck, he never will," Lelouch snorted. " _Your_ Council is just plain dangerous!"

"Don't worry, Lelouch," Milly said sweetly. "You'll always be my favorite."

Lelouch tried to sink into the couch. "That's what bothers me," he said dryly.

Everyone else laughed, even Suzaku, who didn't really understand what the big deal was.

"So it's all settled," Milly proclaimed. "Suzaku's staying here, and we're going to name our newfound pet!"

"Suzaku?" Rivalz asked dumbly.

Milly frowned. "No, the cat!"

Lelouch caught Suzaku's eye and smirked, and Suzaku was suddenly under the impression that Ashford Academy wasn't _quite_ so bad after all.

*/*

That was the first night Suzaku dreamt of Lelouch.

 _He was back in the bathroom stall, his pants around his ankles this time and his fingers around his stiff length. Every cell of his body was burning, but he could never get enough friction to bring about his release. He wasn't bothering to hold back, and Lelouch's name echoed off the walls. His hand sped up and he tensed, almost there—_

— _and the bathroom stall partitions melted around him, leaving him exposed in the school courtyard. The entire high school population was there, staring at him in horror as he groaned Lelouch's name and moved his hand. Without the stall to hold him up, he fell over onto the grass, his legs automatically parting so he had room to fist his cock. He wanted to stop—he didn't want to do something so private in front of everyone—but he was just so close…_

 _The familiar jeers started, and Suzaku's head fell back, his eyes glazed with desire. A trickle of shame pooled in the back of his mind, but it wasn't enough to drown out his heated hunger for his prince. He couldn't focus on the onlookers' insults when his own body, mind, and soul centered solely on Lelouch. He thrust his hips upward, desperately chasing climax, and the hostile crowd of onlookers moved in closer, trapping him like enemy Knightmares cornering the weak._

 _All of a sudden, Lelouch himself burst through the crowd of students and stood over Suzaku, arms held out protectively. "Stop!" he yelled, and no one moved any closer. "This is my best friend!"_

 _Suzaku panted, his face flushed as he stared up at his friend. "Le-Lelouch…" he moaned, fingers tightening around himself._

 _Lelouch turned to smile at him, kneeling next to him on the grass. "Don't worry, Suzaku," he murmured in that deep voice. Then, in front of everyone, he wrapped his own hand around the base of the brunet's shaft. "Don't mind those hateful people. I'm not like them," he promised, experimenting with his ministrations upon his friend. "Suzaku, just come for me."_

 _Suzaku's belly clenched, heat shooting straight to his groin. His eyes glazed over in the general direction of his Britannian prince's face, the shock at the other boy's words overshadowed by lust. Erection twitching in Lelouch's pale hand, Suzaku inhaled deeply. His body was tensing now, coiled and ready, his blood pounding a never-ending beat of desire. So close…_

 _Just as he remembered—he couldn't do this, he couldn't feel this way—not about Lelouch…his vision went white—_

— and his eyes opened to darkness. His bed sheets were wet beneath him with an unmistakable sticky mess—one that he had no memory of letting happen.

Even in his dream, he hadn't given himself permission himself to come.

*/*

The following morning, Suzaku spotted his stolen textbooks on the bell tower roof.

*/*

"Are you ready to watch the master at work?" Rivalz asked excitedly, slinging an arm around Suzaku's shoulder. They'd just finished refreshing the brunet's memory on the rules of chess, going over how each piece moved. The blue-haired Britannian appeared eager for Suzaku to see the game played out in practice.

Lelouch felt something clench in his chest at their physical contact, and his words came out sharper than he'd intended. "Don't say things like that, Rivalz." A glare formed on his face, warning his blue-haired friend off the brunet soldier.

Rivalz didn't take the hint. He tightened his hold around the Japanese teen—just a friendly gesture—and pointed a finger at the chess mastermind. "Have you _seen_ yourself play, man?"

Suzaku awkwardly squirmed, glancing longingly towards Lelouch.

The undercover prince only narrowed his eyes.

"Because Suzaku hasn't," Rivalz continued babbling, "and he's _got_ to see you in action. And besides, you've been so busy lately that you haven't had time for the fun stuff! You really scared me earlier, saying you were gonna give up gambling…"

Suzaku blinked at that last little tidbit.

Lelouch heaved a sigh. "I was trying to get Shirley off my back," he explained. There was no need to get into how his masked alter-ego was interfering with the daily life of 'Lelouch Lamperouge.' In fact, this was the first gambling expedition he'd been on since that fateful day he'd ended up running into Suzaku and C.C. in the Shinjuku Ghetto.

"This is our stop," Rivalz proclaimed cheerily, standing as the subway slowed to a halt. Because all three of them couldn't fit comfortably on the motorbike, they'd opted to take public transport instead.

Suzaku visibly relaxed once Rivalz wasn't touching him, and Lelouch felt lighter somehow for the same reason.

"Hurry, guys!" the enthusiastic Britannian called, jumping out onto the platform. "Suzaku, you having fun yet?"

The brunet shrugged one shoulder. "I don't know how you guys convinced me to skip school. If the Army ever finds out—"

Lelouch brushed past him. "You worry too much," he chided. "Just relax and enjoy yourself." He stopped and squeezed the other's shoulder, raising an eyebrow when the brunet actually leaned into his touch. "Nothing bad will happen," the prince continued offhandedly, confused by the twisting feeling in his stomach.

"Yeah, not like last time," Rivalz laughed, completely oblivious to the moment the other two were sharing.

"Last time?" Suzaku asked, suddenly moving away.

Lelouch felt the unpleasant bubbling sensation in his stomach intensify, but before he could say anything, Rivalz had already opened his mouth.

"We almost got run over by some huge gray truck!" the blue-haired boy said, launching into story mode. Both Lelouch and Suzaku stiffened; Rivalz kept right on speaking. "But it swerved and crashed, and Lelouch, being the good guy he is, went down to make sure everyone was a-okay, right? I know, I know, I should've gone, too…but hey, man, my bike was all messed up! Anyway, next time I looked up, the truck was gone—and so was Lelouch. I had to walk my bike back to school myself!"

Lelouch rubbed his forehead before facing Suzaku's inquiring gaze. He nodded once, confirming the truth—the truth that not even Rivalz knew—and waited for the information to sink in. Walking faster to keep up, he retreated into his thoughts. _If it wasn't for my gambling, then I never would have reunited with Suzaku—or gotten my Geass power._

"Oh look, we're here," Rivalz proclaimed and ran inside.

Suzaku shot one helpless look at Lelouch before following.

The chess master went last, making sure the soldier didn't bail on them. It _had_ taken some convincing to get Suzaku to come along, and he wasn't sure himself why he wanted the other boy to come so much. When asked to accompany them gambling, Suzaku had predictably said 'no.' Lelouch had then given the younger boy his own gym uniform, as promised, and the brunet had put it on—or _tried_ to put it on; the shirt was just a little too small for someone with so much muscle. Lelouch had circled Suzaku critically, tugging on the shirt to make it fit right, pausing each time Suzaku shivered at an accidental brush of his fingers against skin. The shirt just wouldn't sit right on Suzaku's frame, and Lelouch had given him an ultimatum: either go gambling with him and Rivalz, or go to gym naked.

(He'd also mentioned something along the lines of not wanting Suzaku to be singled out even more in that class—and going naked would almost certainly garner more detentions. And he'd hidden the graffiti-stained uniform, knowing Suzaku would be self-sacrificing enough to wear it again, donning his battered nationality with stubborn, righteous pride.)

Yesterday, Lelouch had left Suzaku alone in the locker room to give him space and privacy, sensing that was what Suzaku had needed. He would've liked to have stuck around—waiting for Suzaku was a perfect excuse to miss some of gym—but he thought Suzaku might have needed time to compose himself. He'd even attended gym class, something he was notorious for missing, just for Suzaku's sake. As soon as Suzaku had jogged onto that field covered in red, he'd felt his heart twist in rage. His school—his supposed _liberal_ school—was hating on Suzaku for being Japanese. What hypocrites.

Later, after the cat hunt, he hadn't been too surprised when Synclair Worth showed up, running his mouth about Elevens. Lelouch bit back a growl. He hadn't used his Geass on the bullies when he'd ordered them to back off, and regret burned in his stomach. He took a deep breath. _They were only polluting the air with insults. They weren't_ _ **really**_ _hurting him, and I have to save my Geass for when it matters. But if they injure him worse than that little cut on his temple…_

The ebony-haired teen wouldn't have Suzaku go through that prejudice all over again, so he'd pushed his idea of bringing the soldier on a gambling expedition. Like before, Suzaku submitted to him, completely unlike his old self of seven years ago. It was natural for people to change—he'd changed himself—but didn't Suzaku know he didn't have to be submissive to _him?_

To Lelouch, the elevator ride took forever, weighed down by his plans and worries and doubts. There simply wasn't enough space in that small area to hold them all, and he felt suffocated by everything, almost like he was wearing Zero's mask. Suzaku looked to be of the same mind if his facial expression was any indication; only Rivalz leapt out the elevator in a joyful mood.

"I don't belong here," Suzaku mumbled, in the middle again. Lelouch fell into place beside him as they traversed the red-carpeted hallway to the private rooms. "Who rents these out anyway?" the soldier asked, casting a suspicious gaze on the numbered doorways.

Lelouch kept his neutral gaze straight ahead. "Britannian nobles," he answered blandly. "They use these rooms for whatever they please. Sometimes they just want to gamble a nice game of chess, and sometimes they're looking for…pleasurable company."

Suzaku's eyes widened in disbelief. "You…you don't…"

"No, Suzaku," Lelouch cut in immediately, putting the brunet's fears to rest. "I would never do something like that." _What does he think of my character?_

The soldier nodded. "I didn't think you would," he said softly, with a touch of relief underlying his words.

Sensing how out-of-place Suzaku was still feeling, Lelouch moved a bit closer, bumping shoulders with his friend. Though they'd only been reunited for a few days, to Lelouch it felt like forever. Suzaku just _fit_ seamlessly into his life, like he belonged right in the center of it, and Lelouch felt that they understood one another better than anybody. At least, he'd never experienced such a deep connection with anyone _else_ —especially after, for all intents and purposes, such a short time spent in another's presence. His heart _knew_ Suzaku, and interacting with said Japanese boy was easy and automatic in a way most unlike his standard, planned, and cautious interpersonal strategies. "We're just here for chess," he reminded the other. "I wouldn't let anyone…touch you…all right?" _I'd kill whoever tried!_

Suzaku nodded. "I _can_ take care of myself," he reminded the pale Britannian with a slightly cocky grin, and Lelouch found himself reassured by his best friend's returning confidence.

"Will you guys hurry up?!" Rivalz called back, waving them forward from an open door. "Sir Nobleman here wants his match!"

Lelouch only closed his eyes and continued walking at a slow pace, even as Suzaku automatically sped up. "I'll play when I'm good and ready," the skilled gambler said harshly. A ripple of anger coursed through his veins at the Britannian nobility's superior attitude, though more of his frustration was directed at Suzaku for succumbing to it.

When he finally stepped into the room, he was met with a new face. That was how it normally went. Every Britannian noble he'd played against in the past was too humiliated to square off with him again on the board; none of them wanted to be shot down twice by a mere high school student. Even though his skill was famous through the underground, there were always aristocrats who wanted to try a hand at beating him; it never happened, but some still tried anyway. At least he had a steady stream of opponents.

"What's _he_ doing here?" asked the Britannian noble, his high-class silk clothes askew on his well-pampered body. The abundance of rings and gold chains adorning the man made Lelouch sick to look at, and one fat, gold-decorated finger was pointed straight at Suzaku.

Lelouch held back a glare, not wanting to start a fight this early into their meeting. After all, he had to get the game moving first. "This is Suzaku," he introduced his Japanese friend, "and he is my guest of honor today."

"Your guest is an _Eleven?_ " the aristocrat gasped. "How inappropriate!"

Suzaku bowed deeply and started to edge nearer the door. "He's right," he mumbled. "I should go."

Violet irises swiveled to the Japanese teenager. "Hold on," Lelouch barked, glad for once that Suzaku obeyed. Turning back to the nobleman, he almost growled, "Suzaku is my guest, meaning I invited him here. I am the only one who has the right to tell him to leave, and unluckily for you, I have no desire to do so. The way I see it, you have two options." He held up two fingers, careful to look down at the seated noble, careful to meet his eyes and reflect a superior status. "One, you can insult me—your opponent—by asking Suzaku to leave. I'll go with him, and you're out a morning's fun and possible winnings. Or option two, the one I'd choose if I were you, you get past the fact that Suzaku's here—because there's really nothing you can do about it—and we can continue on with our game of chess."

The noble's jaw dropped. Then, pulling himself together, he suggested, "I'll consent to him staying _if_ you throw him in as part of your offer." He rubbed his hands eagerly, the gold of his rings scraping against each other.

Lelouch chuckled darkly. "Agreed."

"Lelouch!" Suzaku and Rivalz exclaimed together in disbelief.

The teen chess master only smirked. "What's wrong?" he asked his friends. "Aren't you confident in my abilities?" _I'm sure I can handle this. Upping the stakes will just make my victory sweeter._

The noble stroked his chin greedily. "My, I can't wait. An Eleven for a personal slave? And he's got such beautiful skin, too…"

Not able to hold back his glare at that, Lelouch gracefully slid into his wooden chair as if it were a throne. "Remember," he said clearly, "you'll have to win to get at him. If I win, he remains his own man and I get my pile of winnings." _I can't afford to lose Suzaku, so there's only one option: Win._

"Agreed," the nobleman said without hesitation. He moved a white pawn two spaces forward.

Suzaku trembled by the door, but sheer honor kept him from bolting.

Lelouch glanced back at him, smiling encouragingly, before moving the black pawn in front of his king. That was what he hated about playing a game from the beginning: He couldn't start with his signature move. It wasn't like the king could jump over pawns—no, the only piece that could jump others was the knight.

The game moved quickly, with Lelouch effortlessly predicting his opponent's moves well in advance. Excitement swelled inside him whenever he looked back and caught a look of admiration in those watching green eyes. He barely noticed Rivalz.

Suzaku sweated, watching Lelouch move a black knight two spaces forward and one square left, and Rivalz hung back next to him and chattered happily about Lelouch's skill.

At the end, the Britannian noble fell out of his seat, staring at the white king crushed in the black-haired boy's fist. "How…how could…?" he stammered pitifully.

"You nobles never learn," Lelouch taunted, standing up to give himself even more superiority over the sprawled man on the floor. "Now about my winnings…" _How pitiful. It wasn't even challenging!_

Suzaku slumped in relief.

"No, no, I refuse!" the aristocrat shouted, scrambling to his feet. "How dare you make a mockery of me, schoolboy?!"

Lelouch only calmly stared at him. "Suzaku," he said, without breaking his gaze. "Didn't we decide on the rules before the game?"

The brunet licked his lips and answered, "Yes, Lelouch."

"And what were those rules?" the teen chess player asked slowly.

Suzaku recited, "That if he won, he…got me…and if you won, I got to go free and you got your winnings."

"Exactly," Lelouch said with a satisfied nod. "Sir Nobleman, don't you find it a little degrading that a teenage Eleven can remember the rules of a verbal contract and you cannot? My, what _is_ Britannia coming to?" _I can't believe I just used the word 'Eleven.'_ He shook off the disgust.

The noble's enraged scream got caught in his throat. "F-fine," he grumbled. "You'll get your money. I never want to see you again after this!"

Lelouch dipped his head in mock-respect. "That can be arranged." Turning slightly sideways, he gestured Rivalz and Suzaku out into the hallway. "I'll discuss some details with this _delightful_ gentleman and then we can leave." Once they'd dutifully closed the door behind them, he turned back to the noble, left eye glowing red. "In addition to my monetary winnings, you will give me your top-notch trailer—and promptly forget you ever owned it. You will also forget anything at all about this day except your defeat at my hands. If any in your circle ask about your trailer, you will think they are crazy. As soon as you are able, you will erase all evidence that links you to that mobile shack, as well as any evidence that points to me. You will never contact me again."

Without turning off his Geass, he thought of any other orders he could give this man. A burning rage flowed through him when he thought of how this man wanted to touch Suzaku, and he tacked on, "From this day on, you will never adequately please anyone in bed."

Though it was a selfish order for his own amusement, he felt better for having given it. This man deserved misery for implying—for wanting to—

 _No, I don't want to think it_.

As he turned his back, though, he couldn't help but agree with one thing the nobleman had said that day: Suzaku really _did_ have beautiful skin.

*/*

That night, Suzaku had another dream.

 _He started off in the bathroom stall, like before. But this time, when the walls melted away, he was naked in the middle of a giant chessboard. The nobleman from earlier picked him up, and Suzaku shivered in the middle of his giant palm. He tried to cover his throbbing groin, but before he could move, he was snatched away—_

— _right into a colossal Lelouch's hand. "You can't have him," the Britannian boy boomed, his voice all the louder for being giant. "He is my honored guest!" He gently placed the Japanese boy back on the chessboard and followed, shrinking to match Suzaku's size. "I told you I wouldn't let anyone touch you," he murmured, purple eyes dark and promising._

 _Suzaku's sex twitched painfully. "But," he said boldly, "I want_ _ **you**_ _to touch me!"_

 _Lelouch looked taken aback—before he smiled and beckoned the brunet closer. "Of course, Suzaku; that can be arranged. I just wanted you all to myself. Just forget about them watching us, and come to me…"_

" _Them?" Suzaku asked warily, shuffling a step closer on command._

 _Lelouch smirked and gestured to the surrounding chess pieces. Each one, regardless of color—black or white—and regardless of type—king to rook and everything in between—had acquired a jeering face. "Worthless!" they screeched, making the air around the board ring with hatred._

 _Now that Lelouch had pointed them out, it was impossible to tune them out. Suzaku started to move again, but he hit some kind of barrier._

" _You have to go one step left or right," explained Lelouch. "You already moved two spaces forward. Knights can't go forward alone, Suzaku, and you have to play by the rules."_

" _But you're directly in front of me!" Suzaku protested, feeling the cold air wash over his nipples._

 _Lelouch smiled gently. "Don't worry, Suzaku. You don't have to move alone. I'll come to you when it's my turn to play."_

 _Sighing in defeat, the naked brunet moved one space to the left._

 _At once, Lelouch moved a step forward. "Now," he directed, "move two spaces forward and one to the right. That'll land you right in front of me, and I can…tend to you." He licked his lips and waited for Suzaku to move, then lunged forward for a kiss the second Suzaku was in front of him._

He woke right before dream-contact, choking back a sob so he didn't wake Lloyd and Cecile nearby. Tan fingers gripped the pillow; his conscience wouldn't allow him to grip himself.

 _*/*_

Suzaku would rather fight terrorists than listen to Shirley confess her true feelings for Lelouch. Yes, he'd suspected all along that the orange-haired girl had _feelings_ for the enigmatic Britannian boy, but he felt sick to his stomach as if he'd eaten Miss Cecile's cooking as she got all flustered and confirmed it. Forcibly squashing his nervousness and jealousy down—Suzaku could not afford to instinctively show negative feelings, lest one leak spill the rest of the darkness inside him—the brunet lightly teased the girl and ended up digging his hole a little deeper. Even as he softly observed, with no trace of his true feelings, "You fell in love with him," a voice in his mind was whispering, _It doesn't matter what Shirley feels. It only matters what_ _ **Lelouch**_ _feels_.

But what _did_ Lelouch feel?

For that matter, what did Suzaku _want_ him to feel? What did Suzaku _himself_ truly feel? The disciplined soldier was well aware by this point that he was _attracted_ to his best friend, that he felt a stronger bond with Lelouch than with anyone else on the planet, that their close friendship laid a strong foundation should they decide to build romance on top of it, that he and Lelouch worked well together in everything else they did so why would dating be any different…

But Suzaku hadn't made up his mind about whether he'd actually _pursue_ the charming prince. He had intense feelings for the other boy, affection and friendship and lust twisting his insides into knots and unraveling in wet dreams; however, because he _had_ those feelings didn't mean he should necessarily _act_ on them. While he hadn't planned on it, now that Shirley was making her feelings clear, the stakes were up. If he _did_ want to see whether or not Lelouch was interested in him, he should probably poke his nose into the matter sooner rather than later.

The idea caused guilt to pool in the brunet's stomach. His hands were stained with his father's blood, invisible to the naked eye but etched deeper, where it mattered. Lelouch deserved someone better than a murderer. He deserved someone nice, sweet, and pure—someone like Shirley. On the flipside, someone as wholesome as Shirley deserved Lelouch in return. Suzaku knew that he was too tainted to be worthy of the charismatic prince. Seconds later, desire and adoration for the violet-eyed Britannian boy drowned out the guilt, and Suzaku couldn't help but wonder…

 _What_ _ **does**_ _Lelouch want?_ Suzaku's feelings were a moot point if the other boy didn't return them anyway. Then there would be no decision to make, so there would be no need to worry like this. He had to dig for hints, which might essentially prove difficult because Lelouch was so closed-off. But then, if there was anyone besides Nunnally that the prince let his guard down around… _I have everyone beat there_ , the soldier inwardly crowed. The remembrance gave him hope. He could do this. He would discover Lelouch's romantic preferences if it killed him.

The brunet didn't feel comfortable asking his best friend about _himself_. Way too awkward. Shirley, though… Or Kallen, whom Shirley was jealous of over Lelouch for some reason. The information raised Suzaku's hackles. Now he had _two_ girls he had to worry about losing Lelouch to, not to mention the ice prince's hordes of fangirls all over the school.

"Which is why in this case, it's best to ask him directly," Suzaku cheerfully proclaimed, inwardly screaming, _Tell me you don't like them, Lelouch. Let me know if I have a chance!_ He felt a bit guilty again as he wrestled with his doubt, like he was using Shirley to get to Lelouch, but he rationalized that it was simple data gathering. No matter how it turned out, even if Lelouch _did_ prefer one of those girls, at least he'd know and then he could deal with it.

As he listened to the continuous ring on the other end of the line, he pondered and wished, _Lelouch, tell me you at least like guys. I need to know if my dreams can ever come true_. More and more, Suzaku started leaning towards acting on his feelings on the off-chance that Lelouch lov—liked him back. His hopes grew and overshadowed the internal doubt and shame, influencing his conditional decision. "On your behalf, I can ask him how he feels about you," the soldier offered to Shirley, who immediately freaked out and started fighting him for the phone.

"Are you nuts?!" the orange-haired girl raved. "No way, I don't need your help!"

"Just relax, it'll be fine!" Suzaku consoled her, the words just as much for his own benefit. "Aw, c'mon, let me handle this for you," he pleaded. _For both of us_. "I'll be discreet. It should be fine!" In their struggle for the phone, they fell to the ground and blushed as they landed in a compromising position. _Funny_ , Suzaku noticed _, we'd both rather be lying on the floor like this with Lelouch_. His mind flashed with an image of a pale, black-haired Britannian boy underneath him, staring up at him with lidded purple eyes and an inviting tilt of his chin. _No!_ he roared at himself. _I can't let myself think like this. I can't actively fantasize about him at school, especially when I'm on top of a girl who's crushing on him, too_. Having competition for Lelouch's attention made him feel hollow inside, which was odd because he'd thought he was completely empty anyway after what had happened with his father.

As Arthur bit his hand, Suzaku scrambled off Shirley. Craving Lelouch so desperately tempted him to abandon his white knight morals, and he wondered about the right thing to do.

*/*

"So, did I do it correctly?" Suzaku asked, his voice pulling Lelouch from his thoughts.

The prince had been having trouble all morning focusing on Nunnally's voice as she taught them how to fold paper cranes. He had too much else on his mind, such as mulling over his humbled defeat in the Saitama Ghetto. If C.C. hadn't covered for him, he'd be dead—or worse, exposed—by now. Still, at his friend's question, his lips tilted upwards in a smile. _Being around Suzaku always makes me feel better. I swear I will never let anything separate us again! Not only for our sakes, but for Nunnally's as well_. As soon as his role as Zero ended, he could give them one-hundred percent of his attention—but for now, while the world was still rotten, he had a job to do.

"Let me feel," Nunnally said, her questing fingers fluttering lightly over Suzaku's first attempt at a paper crane. "Yep!" she giggled after a moment. "Couldn't have done it better myself!" She turned her head in her brother's direction, asking, "What about you?"

Lelouch looked down at the wide spread of untouched tissue paper before him. "Uh," he mumbled, adopting a sheepish tone, "Not so good." He met Suzaku's questioning eyes, then hurriedly looked away. He wasn't in the mood to be interrogated.

"Do you need some help?" Suzaku asked, laughing a bit. Without waiting for an answer, he reached over to pick up the sheet of tissue paper—just as Lelouch did the same thing. Their fingers brushed against each other and Suzaku froze, a light blush spreading over his cheeks.

The prince squinted his eyes quizzically and retracted his hand. "Go on then," he ordered softly. "Show me how."

Nunnally giggled. "Don't you ever pay attention, brother?"

Lelouch forced himself to chuckle, keeping his gaze trained on his Japanese friend. _I always pay attention to Suzaku._ The brunet was fumbling with the tissue paper, his fingers clumsy and unsure as he folded and refolded the would-be crane. Shaking his head, the black-haired Britannian smiled amusedly at his friend before asking, "Are you _sure_ you made that last one all by yourself?"

Suzaku stopped what he was doing, and his cheeks colored even darker. "Y-yeah," he stammered, finally finishing something that might resemble a crane—if a blind person had done it. Except that Nunnally's cranes came out looking picture-perfect, and she'd been blind for most of her short life.

"Don't tease Suzaku," Nunnally scolded her brother. She was busy folding her own crane again, a knowing smile on her face—almost as if she knew the two boys were staring at each other again. "Do you know, Suzaku, about the legend of the thousand cranes?"

The green-eyed boy jumped in his seat. "Yes, it's an old Japanese tale," he said reverently. "When you fold a thousand cranes, your innermost wish will come true." He glanced at Lelouch quickly before turning his stare to the grass.

Lelouch blinked, tilting his head. His heart started pounding at the look on Suzaku's face. _Why is my heart thumping so fast?_ Before he could analyze the situation, Nunnally opened her mouth.

"Lelouch says he doesn't wish for anything, and I want a gentler world. What do you want most, Suzaku?"

The brunet's breathing grew shallow. "What do I want _most?_ " he repeated, blushing and glancing at Lelouch again. Twiddling his thumbs, he shifted in his seat and finally said in a strangled voice, "You and I want the same thing, Nunnally."

Lelouch's blood started to race even more at that second look, and he crossed his legs under the table. _The way he's been staring at me… I just don't_ _ **get**_ _him sometimes. Why did he look at me like that? What does he want from me?_ The prince shook his head, purple eyes widening a bit as an impossible idea struck him. _Does he suspect me? Does he know I'm trying to create their perfect world as Zero?_

Without thinking, Lelouch idly snatched Suzaku's crooked crane and reworked the kinks. Long, slender fingers smoothed out the uneven creases and folded the tissue paper into its ideal, picture-perfect form. _That's right,_ the undercover rebel leader mused as he looked over their shared handiwork. _When Suzaku and I join forces, the results are nothing short of miraculous. Like with this crane, we could remold the world into perfection. Together._

Suzaku beamed at him from across the table and trailed a fingertip across the newly-improved origami bird. "Wow, Lelouch. I guess you were paying attention after all!"

Nunnally giggled in the background.

A self-satisfied smirk stole onto the ebony-haired prince's face. "You've started on your wish," he remarked casually to the soldier, continuing their conversation. "Only 999 more to go."

Suzaku's face fell. His shoulders sagged, and he sighed. "That's going to take me a while. And even then, there's _zero_ chance of my wish _actually_ coming true."

Lelouch froze, remembering where Suzaku stood on the whole Zero matter. Scrambling for words, he attempted to sound normal as he countered, "Nothing is impossible if you try." He gathered his control. He would not force Suzaku to join him, and there was no way he was going to scoff at the superstitions of the ancient Japanese legend—not in front of Nunnally. Just like the pinky promise, the paper cranes symbolized the hopes and dreams and trust in the future—the future he would personally make.

Nunnally nuzzled her latest crane creation. "That's right, Suzaku. Little by little, the world is changing. We just need to pray it goes in the right direction. Then our wish will come true."

"It will?" Suzaku asked, green eyes sweeping over the prince. Then, he shook himself, letting his eyelids fall shut. "Right. The gentler world. The wish. Got it." He slumped forward over the table, crushing one of Nunnally's cranes in the process.

Raising an eyebrow, Lelouch looked the soldier over. _There's something he's not saying. He lied about his wish. What is so important to him that he can't even mention it in front of us? Is his secret like mine?_ Reaching for more tissue paper, he started folding it in different directions. He wasn't trying to make a crane; he just wanted to keep his fingers busy while he thought. Glancing at the brunet half-draped over the tabletop, the older schoolboy announced, "You know, I do have a wish."

Suzaku lifted his head, green eyes shining with intense curiosity. Nunnally's fingers paused, and her blind face turned towards her brother.

"It's a secret," Lelouch said, chuckling. Violet eyes met green, burning with intensity. No, he would not force Suzaku to join him via Geass. But he could pray with all his might. _I wish Suzaku would stand by my side. Forever._

*/*

The dream came to Suzaku that night, as usual.

 _He was outside, seated on the Lamperouges' veranda. Nunnally and Lelouch were there, the handicapped girl continuously folding tissue paper into delicate little cranes. The black-haired boy was gazing at him with lust—backed by something deeper—and Suzaku was sure his eyes reflected the same._

 _Lelouch linked hands with him under the table, and Suzaku felt a smile slipping onto his face at the action. Nunnally, literally blind, was unable to see their closeness, to see how Lelouch was guiding Suzaku's fingers to the prominent bulge in his pants._

 _Suzaku exhaled noisily, clenching his fingers tight around the other boy's clothed erection._

 _Lelouch—sensitive Lelouch—couldn't hold back a moan._

 _Nunnally looked up worriedly and asked, "Brother, are you all right?"_

 _Lelouch only nodded, unable to formulate words. Suzaku moved to pull his hand away, but Lelouch only grabbed onto the brunet's wrist and pressed it harder against himself. "Ngh," he groaned, his head whipping from side to side in the most erotic dance Suzaku had ever seen._

 _On impulse, Suzaku climbed into Lelouch's lap and began to grind their groins together. They both hissed at the pleasure, rocking against each other in an even greater frenzy. The silence around them was unnerving, and Suzaku felt constricted in his clothes. Lelouch must have shared his sentiment because the Britannian boy started undressing him and flinging his clothing everywhere—including onto Nunnally._

" _Brother?" squeaked the young blind girl, a vague hint of suspicion in her tone. Suzaku's Ashford uniform hung off her head._

 _Suzaku only shook his head, not wanting to deal with his surrogate little sister's interruptions—not when he had Lelouch willing and ready under his hands. He thrust again—thanking every deity he knew that Nunnally was blind—as he rubbed himself all over her big brother._

 _Lelouch was fumbling at his pants button when the flock of paper cranes surrounded them. There must have been a thousand in all, and each one sported tender lavender eyes—Nunnally's eyes, Suzaku realized with a start. She was watching them with intense disapproval, and the paper cranes looked ready to swoop in and peck him off Lelouch._

 _Suzaku paused, almost sobbing at the abrupt lack of movement. "Please," he begged, though he wasn't sure if he was asking Nunnally to accept them or if he was asking Lelouch to finish him off._

 _All at once the cranes moved, flying in to bear him away from Lelouch. He stretched, reaching for his best friend, but the cranes forced him up into the air, away from his precious Britannian boy. He screamed for Lelouch, but Nunnally's wish—come true by the full thousand cranes—carried him away._

 _He twisted in their paper-wing grip, but not even a soldier as skilled as he could escape the murderous will of an overprotective little sister. His arousal weakened by fear and loss, he cried out—_

—and woke with tears streaming down his cheeks.

*/*

-End Chapter-

Any and all feedback is truly appreciated. x3


	3. Figuring Out Feelings

**An unrated version of this story is on my AO3 account (NeoDiji) and linked on my Tumblr (NeoDiji).**

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.

Thank you to everyone who commented, favorited, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D

Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. Go read her Undertale comic, _Refuse_. :D

*/*

 _Something Worth Blackmailing_

Alternatively: _Two Boys and Their Love_

*/*

Chapter Three: Figuring Out Feelings

*/*

"'Zero will lead a band of Eleven zombies on the monarchy.'"

Thunder rumbled in the distance. Dark storm clouds hung low in the sky, concealing all but a few weak shafts of faded yellow sunlight. The wind picked up, tossing stray leaves, and then abruptly died down again. Raindrops sagged at the bottoms of clouds, but did not yet plummet to earth. Zero's Eleven zombies would have had a field day in the gloomy atmosphere.

Inside Ashford Academy, there was no trace of the pending storm. Stacks of paperwork lay untouched on the main table in the Student Council room. Beneath the flickering overhead light, the ever-diligent vice president sat at the head of the table, studiously ignoring the school budget so he could read political magazines instead. On the cover of each was an image of the masked terrorist Zero. Some of the articles focused on discerning his identity; others speculated on what his next move would be. Lelouch smirked as he read, chuckling a little sardonically at some of their wild guesses.

"What is this, science fiction?" he asked himself, raising an eyebrow. Tossing that magazine aside, he picked up another. He flipped it open to the middle and read, "'Zero is a Britannian conspiracy meant to supply the Numbers with false hope.'" Brow furrowing, he glanced out the window and sighed through his nose. _Talk about stormy._

The door opened and closed, admitting a second soul into the room. Lelouch kept his gaze trained on the pages.

"Um, Lelou?"

The ebony-haired boy reluctantly raised his head. "Yes, Shirley?" he asked coolly. He politely made eye-contact with her, even though he really wanted to shut her out so he could get back to reading.

Olive green eyes shimmered a bit, and the girl leaned forward, wringing her hands. "W-well, see, a group of us are going to the movies tonight and…well, I thought you might be interested in coming along!" Her mouth set in a determined line, and she positioned herself squarely in front of him, waiting for a response.

Lelouch closed his eyes, blocking out the sight of her pleading face so he could think objectively. It wasn't that he didn't want to go—Shirley was his friend, and he had fun with her—but he had too much on his plate now to worry about something so insignificant as a social life. _I have plans, and she can't be a part of them. Somehow, I don't think she'd be interested in recruiting rebels to possibly war against Britannia._

Shirley shifted from side to side as she waited for Lelouch to make up his mind. "The movie starts at seven," she informed him, probably thinking he might need more concrete details before coming to a decision. "It's one of those really popular action films, so it won't be all gooey and girly, if that's what you're worried about. Uh, Milly and and Rivalz are going too and, er, we don't know if Nina's coming yet, but—well, I thought I'd ask you and, and, we—er, _I_ —wanted you to come since it's been awhile since you've come out to things!" Her tone was near desperate when she said, "We're all meeting up at—"

"Sorry, Shirley," Lelouch cut her off, opening his eyes. He had a phone appointment with that man Ohgi from Shinjuku that was far more important than any social outing. "I'm a bit busy tonight. Maybe some other time."

Taking a step backwards, Shirley nodded. "Y-yeah, sure," she said, red staining her cheeks. Her voice was watery from trying to hold back tears, and her throat seemed clogged with emotion. Obviously trying to be brave, she forced a "Whenever you're free" through her lips. "Maybe it was too bold of me to ask." She lowered her head, bangs falling in front of her eyes, and her lip quivered with rejection. Her shoulders shook, her energy sapped.

 _That's odd. She's acting a little off today. More so than usual._ Raking his eyes over her dejected form, Lelouch finally put to words the niggling sensation that had been in the back of his brain for months. _She likes me._ A small sense of wonder blossomed in his chest, but it wasn't enough. Lelouch felt a pang of empathy for Shirley, but he wasn't about to give in to her feelings when he didn't return them. Putting more effort into his tone, he promised noncommittally, "Someday soon."

Shirley nodded again and, recognizing his dismissal, almost ran towards the door. "See you later, Lelou," she said, voice high-pitched.

The prince didn't bother to respond, choosing instead to go back to his magazines. Ten minutes later, he was interrupted again.

"Hey, Lelouch!" Suzaku greeted, slipping into the seat beside him.

Violet eyes swiveled to face the newcomer, though this time there was considerably more warmth reflected in them. "Hello, Suzaku," the vice president murmured, voice low and deep. "I thought you had military duties today."

The brunet shrugged sheepishly. "I did, but they let me come for the extracurricular stuff. Where is everyone? Don't we have a Student Council meeting today?"

Lelouch put his magazines down. "Milly left me the paperwork to do," he explained, nodding with his chin to the pile of papers halfway down the table. "Everyone else is getting ready to go to the movies. If you're interested?" he asked, meeting the soldier's eye. Suzaku could stand to improve his social life, in Lelouch's opinion. _Surely all that military isn't good for him_.

Suzaku blushed when they made eye-contact but didn't lower his gaze. "Is that an invitation?" he asked slowly—hopefully?

The prince maintained eye-contact as he answered, "Oh, I'm too busy to go, but I'm sure the others would enjoy your company." If Suzaku wasn't going to look away, then he wouldn't either! _I'm too competitive for my own good when he's involved._

The brunet murmured, "Ah," and broke his gaze to stare transfixed at the table. "Well, I was planning on going out somewhere else tonight anyway," he threw out after a moment of contemplative silence. "So I couldn't go to the movies even if you _had_ asked me." He clearly hadn't heard that last part.

Lelouch blinked. _Is Suzaku being…defensive?_ He leaned his elbow on the table and put his cheek on his fist, staring lazily at his friend out one purple eye. "Oh, where are you going?"

Suzaku's head dropped. "Okay, I lied. I have no plans. I have reservations at seven to check out this new restaurant called the Orange Café, but I don't want to go by myself. I was going to go with some people from work, but something came up last minute, so…" He turned his head, seeking an answer to his unspoken but glaringly obvious question.

The prince shook his head minutely, catching on easily. "I'm busy, remember?"

"O-oh, right," Suzaku stammered and looked down at his lap. He fidgeted, and a vivid blush spread across his face. "I understand, of course," he said quickly, almost tripping over his words. "I know you have a life and you have things to do, and then I know you don't ever want to leave Nunnally, so it was kinda stupid of me to…well, anyway, I just wanted to say something—just in case, you know? I don't mean to—I just—the military takes up a lot of my time, so—"

Lelouch sat up straight, frowning thoughtfully as he stared at his flushed, stammering friend. "Suzaku."

The soldier looked up then, his eyes clashing with Lelouch's. His face still red, he tore his gaze from Lelouch's and jumped to his feet. "W-well, no biggie. We'll catch up l-later or some-something, 'kay?" He turned towards the door, shoulders shaking the tiniest bit, and murmured, "I miss you—er, I miss _hanging out_ with y-you, so whenever you get a m-moment, uh, call me up!" He took a step forward and ended up tripping over his chair; without looking at what he was doing, he righted the furniture and sped to the door. He fumbled with it for a moment and heaved a sigh when he finally got it open, throwing out a squeaky, "See ya, Lelouch!" over his shoulder as he fled.

Lelouch stared at the closed door for a long, uncomprehending moment. "That was…odd," he murmured to himself. "It was almost like—" he continued, trying to put his finger on a viable solution. He sat straighter, lifting his chin and narrowing his eyes at the door, his gaze sharp and slightly astonished. _No way!_ "But could that be the case?" His heart started to pound at the possibility.

A shiver raced down his spine, and he gripped the back of his chair so tightly his knuckles turned white. With the idea in mind, he started to recount his recent contact with Suzaku. It had only been a couple weeks since they'd reunited at school, but they were closer than most boys their age and they always tried to make time for each other ahead of anyone else.

 _He_ _ **has**_ _been acting weird ever since we met again_ , Lelouch thought. _He blushes, stammers, freezes up, sweats, shivers, and jumps at physical contact. He always wants to be near me, and he'll go out of his way to make me happy._ He ticked off each point on a finger. _He might've just tried to ask me out._ His stomach flipped. _He kept looking at_ _ **me**_ _when we were talking about the thousand-crane wishes…_

 _I might be jumping to conclusions_ , he reminded himself, shaking his head. _That might not be it at all. Maybe Suzaku is just embarrassed about something else._ He ignored how his stomach clenched at the thought. _I have to look at this logically_ , he reflected, coaching himself into his practiced way of thinking. _It could be any number of things, but for now, I have to pursue the most obvious lead. If the pieces line up…_

Dizzying numbness swept through Lelouch at the prospect. Nerves tingling, he absentmindedly dropped his magazine on the pile; he didn't even notice it was skewed compared to the others. Lightning flashed just as he looked out the window. Even though the world outside was steadily growing darker, the colors seemed sharper and brighter than before. All his senses were heightened, and his brain was racing with Suzaku's image in mind. The air was electric around him, and there was matching lightning inside his veins. He could barely concentrate, he was so stunned and overwhelmed with feeling. _Can't believe…Suzaku might…me and him…_

Thunder boomed, jerking the prince out of his stupor. _First things first, I need to test my theory._ It took him ten seconds to decide on a course of action. Face hard and determined, he swiftly rose from his seat and strode towards the Student Council computer; for once, Nina wasn't hogging it. His fingers flew over the keyboard as he looked up 'Orange Café, Area 11' in the Biglobe search engine. Purple eyes scanned the address that popped up, and Lelouch memorized the restaurant information. "It's semi-casual," he noted, trying to picture his closet. He was sure he had something appropriate, and he had a little over three hours to get ready.

Abandoning his paperwork to Arthur, he almost floated back to his room, still toying with the idea of Suzaku liking him.

*/*

"Have you come up with a name for your little pawns yet?" asked the immortal witch perched on his bedspread. Her arm dangled off the edge, hand hovering over an empty Pizza Hut box.

Lelouch didn't spare her a glance, instead rushing to his closet and throwing it open. "As a matter of fact, I have," he answered her, still without looking. On autopilot, he continued, "They'll be called the Black Knights. With my guidance, they will topple Britannia. I'll make sure of it."

C.C. stared at him, watching with a bored look on her face as the boy yanked out random articles of clothing. "What a clever little name. Did you come up with that one all by yourself, Chess Master?"

The prince finally swirled to face her, a glare distorting his delicate features. "Shut _up_ , witch," he hissed. "I don't have _time_ for your nonsense right now. I'm _busy_." Inwardly panicking, he spun around, turning his attention back to his closet. _I only have three hours to find something suitable for Suzaku!_

"Are you looking for your costume? It's in the wash."

"I wasn't, actually," the prince growled before turning to stare at the lime-green-haired girl incredulously. " _Why_ is my Zero attire in the wash?"

The witch's lips spread in what could have been called a smile, except she didn't smile. Not really. Not around Lelouch, at any rate. "Oh, don't worry," she assured flippantly. "I made sure no one would notice; it's mixed in with your school jackets. Unless someone takes your laundry out, no one will see it."

Lelouch's eyebrows drew together. "That _wasn't_ what I was asking."

"I had to get the melted cheese out of the zipper teeth," C.C. explained simply.

The rebel-prince started to shake. "And _why_ was there melted cheese near my costume?" he hissed in a low voice.

C.C. continued to stare at him, the bored expression never leaving her face. "Because I was eating pizza." She drummed her fingers on the cardboard pizza box. "While I was wearing the Zero costume, I mean."

Lelouch very nearly fell to his knees. His teeth clenched, and he closed his eyes, mentally counting to ten to try to calm down. It didn't work, so he tried again; he ended up counting to a hundred before his muscles started to relax. "Did anyone see you in the laundry room?" he demanded, starting to panic again.

"No, but Nunnally knows I was washing your clothes," C.C. said. "She thinks it's cute of me to take care of you like that."

Glaring, Lelouch growled, "I don't _need_ you to take care of me!" _I don't need anyone!_

"Naturally," the witch agreed. "I'm not here to babysit you. I'm just sticking around until you fulfill your side of our contract."

Lelouch turned back to his closet and started to rummage hastily through some jackets. "What _do_ you want anyway?"

"I'll tell you all in good time," the immortal promised almost sweetly.

The prince tensed up again. "The sooner you tell me," he hissed, "the sooner I can give you whatever you want—and then we can both go our separate ways."

C.C. mockingly chuckled. "Eager to get rid of me, are you?"

A fond little half-smile wormed its way onto the rebel's face, and he was grateful his head was buried in his closet. The witch could irritate him like no other, but she was also something of a confidante. At least about the whole Zero thing. While most days he wanted to strangle her, despite her being immortal, he'd gotten used to her annoying presence and unhelpful comments. _I couldn't imagine life without her now. I need someone around to drive me crazy._ "Something like that," he agreed.

"What are you doing?" she asked abruptly. This time, she actually sounded mildly interested in his life.

Lelouch veered back, clutching a sharp-looking black jacket that was cut in a slightly different style from his Ashford uniform. It opened down the front, requiring another shirt beneath it. "I'm trying to figure out what to wear tonight."

C.C. snorted. "You sound like a girl."

"Ignoring your sexist statement, I'm testing a hypothesis," Lelouch said indignantly. "In order to do that, I need to look good. Really good." _So good Suzaku won't know what hit him!_

The witch rolled on her side, staring at the boy with passive golden eyes. "I've never heard of a science experiment that required dressing up."

Lelouch tossed his head, ruffling through some black slacks and dress shoes in the back of his closet. "I'm surprised you know what the scientific method is," he shot back, grabbing a clean-cut white t-shirt to put on under the jacket. A suit would be too formal, and even a button-up collared shirt was pushing it a bit far. He didn't want to send the wrong message to Suzaku, after all; he just wanted to confirm his suspicions.

"Oh please," said C.C., insulted. "I was around before the scientific method was designed."

The prince paused, struck again by how old his new accomplice was. Shaking his head, he gathered the selected clothes and ignored the girl on his way to the bathroom. He had more important things to think about. As he took an impromptu shower, his thoughts revolved around a certain green-eyed brunet, and he lifted his head into the shower spray to cool his heating cheeks. He swayed on his feet; cursing, he blamed the slippery wet tub for almost losing his footing. He had a mission objective to focus on, and getting sidetracked was not an option.

When he had showered, flossed, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, dressed, smoothed out nonexistent wrinkles, and brushed his teeth again, he walked back to his room. He smirked as C.C.'s eyes widened, glad to have a test subject to practice on for his real target. "I assume I succeed?" he prompted.

The witch chuckled. "You don't look half bad. Who are you trying to impress?"

Red crept over the prince's pale cheeks, and he looked awkwardly to the side. "I'm not trying to _impress_ anyone," he grumbled. "I'm just going out to dinner with a friend."

" _Just_ a friend?" C.C. pressed slyly.

"Yes!" Lelouch snapped. "I'm…testing his reaction."

The witch sat up, a gleam in her eye. "'His'?"

"Suzaku's," Lelouch admitted. _Why am I giving her more ammunition?_

C.C. tilted her head, her lime green hair falling over one shoulder. "Oh, the soldier from Shinjuku."

Lelouch's head snapped up. "I told you already, everything's fine. I trust Suzaku." _I trust him more than anybody._

"I'll bet," she laughed.

"It's not like that!" Lelouch protested vehemently. _She's getting the wrong impression!_ Forcibly calming, he asked, "Do...you think cologne is too much?" He carefully avoided her eyes.

The witch's laughter escalated. "Have fun on your not-date," she said, waving him off, ignoring his question.

Lelouch shook his head, disgruntled. "Not yet. The reservations aren't until seven." To waste time, he sat in front of his computer and pondered his situation. _Discovering Suzaku's feelings is one objective for tonight,_ he thought, _but there's also the matter of that man Ohgi. If I want to form the Black Knights, do I need to steer clear of Suzaku, even if it turns out my suspicions are correct?_ Something in his chest ached at that option, and he pressed a fist over his left breast. _For tonight, I can easily handle one phone call. I can make it brief, alter my plans a bit…but what about later? Suzaku's in the Army, and I'm already a wanted man. If I continue down this track, we'll only drift further apart. We'll officially be on opposite sides, and I can't live with a foot in both worlds for long._

Moaning, he laid his head down on his desk. C.C. didn't say anything, letting him have his moment, and he was grateful for it. _Is Suzaku worth giving up Zero?_ The answer came with a profound certainty. _No, he's not._

 _But he's worth trying for regardless._

Raising his head, he worked on his rebellion plans until it was time to leave. With a nod to C.C., he left his room—only to dash back five minutes later to dab on a hint of spicy cologne.

*/*

"Your company has been waiting for you these past ten minutes, Mr. Kururugi," was the hostess's only comment. The snide look on her face let him know what she thought of an Eleven dining in her restaurant, but she stiffly waved him in.

The Orange Café wasn't ritzy enough to be on the top-ten list of Britannian restaurants, but it was high-class enough that an Eleven like Suzaku was unused to such finery. Pastel paintings of citrus fruit lined the walls, and there was a stone sculpture of a ball—presumably an orange—in the front entryway. The tablecloths, napkins, and silverware were pristine and perfectly arranged. However, there were no butlers or valets, and the restaurant lights hanging from the ceiling certainly weren't fancy chandeliers. The place seemed friendly enough, like somewhere he could bring his friends to—wait.

"Company?" Suzaku repeated, dumbfounded. Had Lloyd's and Cecile's last-minute engagement gotten canceled? But no, one of them would have called…

The hostess smiled despite herself. "He's quite good-looking."

Suzaku's mouth opened slightly, but he couldn't think of anything to say. A half-formed wish flew through his brain, but he dared not hope. _He_ ' _d_ said he was busy.

"Come along then," the hostess intoned, gesturing to Suzaku with a menu in hand. "You don't want to keep him waiting too long."

The brunet dumbly nodded. His feet felt heavy, and anticipation pooled in his stomach. Emerald eyes darted over the restaurant's occupants, searching for a familiar face—before stopping on one in particular. He could have sworn his heart stopped at the sight of his best friend sitting in a booth by himself. Without a word, he slid into the seat opposite the raven-haired vision and clasped his hands under the table. His gaze was wondering as he stared at his friend, unable to turn away even as the hostess placed his menu on the tabletop.

Lelouch looked more dashing than normal in that sharp black jacket he wore, accentuated by the contrasting white undershirt. His hair fell gracefully into those stunning violet irises, and Suzaku wanted to reach across the table and brush back those bangs—if only to feel satiny black hair slide through his fingers. The prince's delicate fingers were busy spreading out a napkin, and that self-confident smirk was plastered on his face. A faint whiff of tangy spice emanated from the older boy, and Suzaku had to prevent himself from inhaling too deeply.

The prince's refined dignity made the soldier self-consciously aware of his own less-than-stellar appearance. Not counting on eating with anyone, and not having nice clothes in the first place due to his status as an Honorary Britannian, he'd just thrown on jeans and a plain brown t-shirt. In addition to that, his hair was damp from running through some sprinkling rain. Not only did he look out of place, he looked downright sloppy—especially compared to Lelouch.

"I was almost afraid you weren't going to show," Lelouch murmured, moving his napkin to his lap. The smile he directed at Suzaku was dazzling and warm—and just a tad sultry.

The Japanese boy momentarily forgot how to breathe. His hands shook under the table. Finally finding his voice, he managed to croak, "Yeah, well, I had no idea you _were_ going to show." He looked down, desperate to look away from those piercing purple eyes, and said, "I'm not late. It's just seven now. _You_ just always have to be punctual—no, not even that. _Early!_ For something you said you weren't even going to come to!"

"I changed my mind," Lelouch explained flippantly. He smiled that wonderful smile at his best friend again and kept his eyes trained on Suzaku's. "How come you decided to come here instead of going to the movie with the others? Not that I'd have wanted you to do that, but I'm just curious."

Suzaku shrugged. "No point in letting a good dinner go to waste. I mean, the reservations were already set up." He carefully gazed past Lelouch at a painting of a kumquat. "You can't feed me forever." _And I'd die if I had to live off Miss Cecile's cooking._

Lelouch scowled. "You're still not comfortable with the others on the Student Council," he deduced, effortlessly seeing through the other's feigned response.

"It's not that," Suzaku objected, snapping his eyes back to Lelouch's. "They're all really nice people and I'm comfortable with them, but…" _They're not you._

Lelouch cutely tilted his head to one side and prompted, "But…?"

"They're not you," Suzaku said, mentally smacking himself even as he accidentally said it aloud. "Or Nunnally," he hastened to add, trying to cover his tracks. He squirmed in his seat. "They're a nice bunch and all. I enjoy being with them…but spending time with them without you there feels wrong."

The prince smirked and lowered his head. "I understand," he said. "These types of things take time."

"Yeah," Suzaku agreed, nodding once. His eyes fell on his menu and he picked it up, starting to peruse it. Hiding his face behind it, glad for the cover, he said wistfully, "Not all of them like me."

Lelouch pursed his lips. "You mean Nina? She…has her reservations about the Japanese, but she'll see soon enough. It might take her a little while longer to come around, but I'm sure she will." He paused, waiting until Suzaku put his menu down before tacking on, "After all, what's not to love about you?"

Suzaku felt his blood heat at those words and—yes, Lelouch was smirking again, amethyst eyes glinting with satisfaction.

Chuckling at the Japanese boy's stunned silence, Lelouch casually asked, "Do you know yet what you want to order?"

Thankful for an excuse to look down again, Suzaku eyed the dinner options. He wrinkled his nose at the prices, looking up and admitting, "These are too expensive."

Lelouch just waved a hand, brushing off the concern. "It's fine, Suzaku. I've got you covered."

The brunet bolted upright, displeasure evident on his face. "No, Lelouch," he said firmly. " _I_ was the one who asked you ou—ah, I mean, invited you. That makes it my responsibility to pay for us."

His smirk widening, Lelouch calmly refuted, "Not true. If anything, I'm more financially secure than you are, so it's _my_ responsibility." He leaned his elbows on the table and rested his chin on interlocked fingers. "Don't bother arguing with me, Suzaku. You know I always win."

Deflating, Suzaku sank back into the vinyl of the booth. "How about we each pay for ourselves?" he suggested as a compromise. _I won't even say anything if you pay with your gambling winnings._

Lelouch curtly shook his head. "There's no need to do that. You're tight on money, so just let me take care of you."

Suzaku's eyes widened and his face paled, the older boy's last words echoing in his head, implying something else altogether. He almost moaned at the unfairness of it all, but he caught himself at the last second and managed to suppress it. "But you always cook me dinner," he pointed out weakly. "I need to pay you back for everything you've done for me."

Again, Lelouch shook his head. "We're not keeping score here, Suzaku. You don't owe me anything."

The brunet persisted, "But we're too imbalanced!"

"If you're going to think in those terms," Lelouch said, "then you saving my life a few weeks ago overshadows any meaningless little things I've done for you."

"That…was nothing," Suzaku said embarrassedly.

Lelouch pounded a fist on the table, attracting attention from other diners. "It was _not_ 'nothing'!" he protested. "You took a bullet for me. How can you think that's worthless?!"

Suzaku shrugged one shoulder. Deep down, he was pleased Lelouch was so passionate about him. But… _I don't deserve his kindness. Lelouch just doesn't understand_. All the same, he wanted it. Badly.

Exhaling through his nostrils, Lelouch winded down. In a clipped, no-nonsense tone, he ordered, "Suzaku, choose something to eat or I will order for you—and I'll choose the most expensive plate."

Suzaku gaped at him and browsed the menu. There really was no arguing with Lelouch when he got like this. Looking over all the options, he noticed how each dinner was served in large portions. Glancing up, catching Lelouch's eye, he shyly asked, "How do you feel…about sharing?"

"Sharing?" Lelouch repeated, mild interest lacing his tone. "I'm game for that. What did you have in mind?"

 _Your body_. The thought flashed through Suzaku's head, but he caught it and bit his tongue before he could embarrass himself yet again that night. "Um," he said, trying to focus. He was a little taken aback that Lelouch—OCD Lelouch—was willing to share a meal with him. One last time, he looked over the menu choices. "I've haven't had steak in a while," he decided in a mumble.

Lelouch smiled again. "Steak it is," he agreed.

Suzaku hesitantly grinned back. He was caught up in staring at Lelouch when their waitress came by, and he blushed when he realized where his thoughts had wandered. At least Lelouch didn't seem to mind being stared at; in fact, he looked rather pleased at the attention.

"What can I get you boys to drink?" asked the waitress. "Do you know what you want to order?"

Before Suzaku could say anything, Lelouch took charge. "We'll both have water, and we've decided to share the Supreme Steak. Medium rare."

A bit confused at the combined order, the waitress raised an eyebrow but jotted it down. "It'll be out shortly," she promised before making a quick getaway.

"See?" Lelouch pressed with a smug expression in the brunet's direction. "It's okay to have things you want."

Suzaku suddenly really, really needed that water as his brain supplied him with an image of his best friend, donning only that alluring smirk as he posed naked for the soldier's extreme enjoyment. _Want_ , the brunet's body insisted, and he was glad the table covered his sudden half-hard erection. Trying to get himself under control, he mumbled, "Not always."

Frowning, Lelouch pointed out, "It's thinking like _that_ that leads to you getting hurt." He gestured at the soldier's temple, where the small bully-inflicted cut had already healed. "We never talked about Synclair Worth and his gang throwing textbooks at your face. How did that happen?"

With a half-hearted shrug, the transfer student said in a small voice, "They outnumbered me."

Lelouch snorted. "Right. Like that made a difference." His tone confident, he proclaimed, "You could take them all on at once and come out on top."

Suzaku wrestled down a mental image of himself on top of _Lelouch_ , explaining in a rush, "They took me by surprise. It happened kinda fast, okay? I'm not proud of it." There was no need to get into how he'd actively chosen to passively take the bullying; that would only upset the self-righteous prince.

Looking at him consideringly, Lelouch nodded. "You don't have to be perfect," he said in a soft, sincere voice. "I didn't bring this up to make you feel bad about yourself. I'm just concerned for you."

Sucking in a breath, Suzaku lifted his grateful gaze to the other boy's. "I know," he murmured, just as softly. "But I'm okay, Lelouch, honestly. And I don't want to spoil our time together thinking about those bastards."

Lelouch hummed in his throat but let the subject drop. He kept staring at the brunet with focused concentration.

"So, um," Suzaku said, his shoulders bending under the weight of self-consciousness as he tried to think about anything other than the prince's penetrative gaze. "How about that, uh, assembly for Prince Clovis's death? Your f—uh, the emperor's speech was…let's see…really something?"

At that, the Britannian boy's face darkened. "I don't want to spoil our time together thinking about those bastards," he echoed in a tight voice. It was crystal clear what he thought on the subject.

The Japanese teen nodded with understanding, slightly confused as to why Clovis was lumped into the category of 'those bastards' but respecting that his friend didn't want to talk about his family or their policies. Silence permeated the table for another few moments before Suzaku ventured, "What would you have done if I hadn't shown up? I mean, I told you I wasn't going to come…"

Lelouch chuckled. "I would've had to eat an entire steak by myself."

Emerald eyes snapped to the pale Britannian boy. There was amusement—and something else, something indefinable—smoldering in those purple eyes, and Suzaku's breath caught. "You said you were busy."

"Didn't we already go over this?" Lelouch asked, leaning forward. "I am busy, but not too busy for _you_ , Suzaku." His gaze pierced the brunet's, and he said, "I had a feeling you'd show up, and I thought it worthwhile to gamble on you. As always, you didn't disappoint."

The flustered Japanese boy lowered his eyes, wrenching his gaze from Lelouch's with great difficulty. "You…think too highly of me," he murmured quietly.

"You don't think highly enough of yourself," Lelouch countered immediately. "You were right earlier—when you said we didn't get to spend a lot of quality time together. I see you almost every day, but it's never enough." Pausing to stare at Suzaku with a highly pleased expression, he tilted his head. Smirking, he plunged on, "So tell me, how are you doing? We have all night together, so don't rush. I want to hear everything."

Warmth crept through Suzaku's chest, and he started to speak. "I'm busy a lot," he started.

"With the military?" Lelouch asked, displeasure evident in his tone.

Slowly, Suzaku nodded. "I know you're not happy that I'm still enlisted."

Lelouch frowned. "They _shot_ you," he growled in explanation.

"Not the people I work for now," Suzaku said hastily. "The Engineering Corp has been really good to me. Honestly, they don't even care that I'm an Eleven."

"Japanese," the prince muttered, his correction almost inaudible. Pale fingers curled into a fist on the tabletop, and he had to take deep breaths before visibly calming down. "What sorts of things do you do?" he asked the soldier in a strained voice.

Suzaku squirmed, unable to look his friend in the eye. _I have to keep up with my lie. What did I tell him and Nunnally before? Damn, Lelouch, why is it so hard to think when you're looking at me like that?_ "I'm a mechanic," he said finally, green irises focused intently on his silverware. "I do odd jobs here and there, make sure things are working right…you know, easy manual labor." He looked up and laughed. "Well, it wouldn't be easy for _you_ , Lelouch."

A small smile cracked on the Britannian boy's face. "Just as long as you're not in danger like before," he murmured.

"No!" Suzaku reassured, voice high and squeaky in his panic. Clearing his throat, he said again, "No…nothing dangerous this time." His stomach churned with guilt at the blatant lie, but it was orders. Besides, he really didn't want to concern Lelouch with the truth. "Don't worry about me so much, Lelouch." _Keep worrying about me, Lelouch._

"Can I help it if I do?" the purple-eyed boy asked. He slid his hand across the top of the table, his palm hovering over Suzaku's—

Just as his phone rang.

The brunet jerked back at the sound, and Lelouch's face twisted into a pained grimace. Suzaku nodded the okay to take the call and settled in his seat, green eyes trained on Lelouch's retreating figure. _Who is calling Lelouch? Isn't everyone else at the movies?_ _What else could he be up to?_

 _Then again, I don't know him like I did before. That has to change._

*/*

"Yes?" Lelouch answered in a clipped tone, shivering in the back alley of the restaurant. The ground was wet from the recent rain shower, but the air still smelled like rotting garbage. He made sure his voice was free of the frustration he felt at being interrupted inside, but he also made sure the man on the other line knew he was all business.

"Zero!" the Japanese rebel Ohgi greeted. "What did you want to talk to me about? Is there something we can help you with—something to do with fighting Britannia?"

Lelouch laughed inside. _Little do they know_ … "Indeed," he said aloud. "How would you feel about joining forces—permanently?"

There was the sound of crackling over the phone, accompanied by heavy breathing. "You…you serious?" Ohgi finally asked, shell-shocked.

"Ohgi," Lelouch stressed, "have you ever known me _not_ to be serious?" He wrinkled his nose. _Must he be so slow and dimwitted?_

"R-right," the Japanese rebel stuttered. "I'll have to talk to the others, but I'm pretty sure everyone'll agree."

The Britannian boy's grip tightened around his cell. "Contact me as soon as possible with your final answer. There's no time to lose." He took a deep breath and, assuring his success, asked, "How much do you know about the new viceroy of Area 11?"

"Cornelia?" muttered Ohgi dismally. "Just that she's worse than Clovis."

"She's positively ruthless," Lelouch warned. "We have to be careful. Clovis may have been a monster to the Elevens, but he was a fool. Cornelia has brains _and_ brawn. We would do well not to underestimate her." A cleansing wind swept through the alleyway, ruffling Lelouch's hair and bringing with it the promise of victory.

Ohgi sighed over the line. "We needed your help against Clovis's men. If this new viceroy is as tough as you say, then we'll need you more than ever, Zero."

A self-satisfied smirk tugged at Lelouch's lips. "Why, Ohgi, that was just what I wanted to hear." He heard spluttering over the phone and added, "Once you call to affirm your participation, I'll give you your next instructions. I have a base of operations already set up for our use, but I need to be sure of your answer before I share my power with you again. I'll be waiting for your call." Without waiting for an answer, the teen clicked his phone shut and slid it into his breast pocket.

"Now," he murmured, "I can get back to Suzaku." _With the way things are going,_ he thought, _it does seem a likely possibility that Suzaku is crushing on me._ His pulse quickened at the idea. _This night is turning out more productive than I anticipated._ Remembering what had happened so far, he winced at some of his own actions that evening. _Maybe I'm coming on too strong. I don't want him to get the wrong impression._ An unexplainable ache formed in his chest, and he wondered, _But then…what_ _ **is**_ _the wrong impression?_

 _I have to look at the facts._ Lelouch dragged his hand down his face until finally he clutched his chin; he stood in a standard thinking pose halfway between an overflowing garbage can and a rusty old chain link fence. He closed his eyes and instantly a picture of Suzaku formed in his mind, in crystal clear detail down to the last wavy curl of hair. _Let's see._ _I enjoy spending time with him, more than I do anyone else. If given a choice, I'd be with Suzaku._ Opening his eyes to slits, he glared at the filthy brick wall. _Of course. That's a no-brainer. I like being in his company, but that doesn't necessarily mean I_ _ **love**_ _him!_ Just thinking the four-letter word caused him to start taking short breaths.

The prince exhaled noisily. His arms dropped to his sides, and his hands clenched into fists; he stood rigid, poised to snap at the slightest sound. _That angle isn't working. Logic. I have to think logically!_ His muscles slowly started to relax, and his fingers unfurled. _Observations. Events. Facts. The other day, I made my wish on the crane for Suzaku to be by me always. I always get outrageously angry when people target Suzaku for his background. I don't care that he's Japanese, but I get really mad when Suzaku doesn't stand up for himself._ The analytical teen automatically tensed again, and his fingers curled back into fists. The alley seemed to melt around him, and he was back in the hallways of Ashford Academy, watching Synclair Worth and his gang of bullies shove Suzaku into the wall, throw books at his face, insult him... Before Lelouch knew it, a growl escaped his throat, tapering off into the empty air of the outside. _I care about all my friends, but I_ _ **care**_ _for Suzaku. He means more._

Fingers flexing in and out of fists, he rolled his shoulders. _Think happy thoughts,_ he directed himself. _Think of how happy and proud Suzaku was when I won that chess match a couple weeks ago._ A silent gasp escaped his lips. _Even back then, I thought he was handsome. I was jealous when the nobleman commented on his bronze skin. I wanted Suzaku—_ It was getting even harder to breathe now, and it had nothing to do with the foul odor in the air. _I wanted Suzaku for myself._ A sweeping sensation traveled down his body. _I even like the thought of him wearing my clothes. That's why I offered him my gym uniform._ Sighing, the schoolboy felt unsteady on his feet.

 _Let me try something else. What do I want?_ He tilted his head back, searching the sky for answers. Most of the night stars were blocked by the roofs overhanging the alleyway. "Figures," he complained aloud, shifting restlessly from one foot to the other. The movement of his body seemed to spark his brain into overdrive. _I want Suzaku to agree with me. I want him with me more than I can explain. Why?_ His nails dug into the skin of his palms. _Whenever I'm upset, just seeing Suzaku smile at me can make me feel better. When we touch, my stomach flip-flops. When he talks to me, my heart beats faster. When I think of Suzaku, I feel invincible. When he's with me, I feel safe—like I can truly be myself with him._

 _Except for Zero._

At the reminder, he staggered towards the rusty chain link fence as if someone had sucked the rebellious spirit right out of him. He crashed into the metal fence fabric with a jar, feeling his worries and emotions rattle around inside. _I want to protect him so badly, which is both why I must_ _ **be**_ _Zero and why I cannot_ _ **tell**_ _him who I am._ Weaving his fingers through a few open holes in the fence, he braced himself and pushed himself upright. The rust was scratchy beneath his fingertips, but he hardly noticed. _The idea that Suzaku might love me—like_ _ **that**_ _—makes me lightheaded._ He swayed, and he grasped the fence tighter for support and balance.

Leaning his forehead against the biting metal, Lelouch forced himself to take several deep breaths. _For some reason, I feel like I want it to be—to be true._ Even in the cool of night, he cheeks burned at the admission. Luckily, there was no one around to witness his romantically-induced breakdown. He couldn't break his cycle of thoughts, not even to make a stealthy retreat. _Does Suzaku love me? And where would that leave us? Where would that leave_ _ **me**_ _?_

 _The only thing I know for certain is, of all the people in the world, I need Kururugi Suzaku the most._

After taking those moments to examine his own feelings, Lelouch was surprised to find that, unlike with Shirley, he wasn't averse to the idea of being with Suzaku. In fact, the thought of dating the green-eyed Japanese male seemed right—like moving into checkmate.

Lelouch tensed again, feeling floored by this conclusion. The special feelings had always been there, if unrecognized for what they were; no matter how he tried to add them up, his answer always equated "Suzaku." It wasn't that he desired his best friend with the passion of a thousand blazing suns; no, it was more subtle than that. It was merely an acknowledgment that out of the entire human populace, Kururugi Suzaku was the only person he could ever love and trust wholeheartedly—minus the whole Zero thing, of course, for obvious reasons. It was a comfort thing more than anything else, and it had always been there, even from the early days of their friendship back at the Kururugi Shrine all those years ago. Only now, the trust he placed in the brunet could extend to cover a whole new range of possibilities, and he shivered deliciously at the thought. For the first time, he simply wanted…

For the first time, he simply _wanted_.

His feet itched to go back inside so he could confess his willingness—

"No," the prince scolded himself aloud, hoping the sound of his voice would convince him to give up his spur-of-the-moment plan. "Suzaku started this. The least I can do is let him finish." He rubbed his hands together, exhaling shakily. "If he doesn't do anything soon, I'll nudge him in the right direction." Waiting and observing more would also help him be absolutely _sure_ that romance _was_ the right track for them. Nodding to himself, he let go of the fence and stepped back inside.

 _Suzaku will be mine; the pieces are already in play._

*/*

That night, Suzaku had another dream.

 _He saw Lelouch sitting in that fancy restaurant, fitting right in with the glamorous atmosphere. He felt self-conscious, like before, only this time he realized he'd come to the eatery in the nude. His body slid automatically into the booth, and he was grateful that his exposed crotch was hidden beneath the table._

" _Don't look so worried, Suzaku," Lelouch soothed, guessing what was wrong. "Here, I'll undress, too. Then we'll be the same!"_

 _Suzaku wanted to protest, but he found he couldn't move his tongue as Lelouch seductively peeled off his jacket and shirt. He wanted to say, "We won't be the same—because you're too perfect!" But the words never left his lips, and Lelouch stood before him now on the table, slipping out of his too-tight black dress pants and briefs._

 _Lelouch smirked down at him, his stiff length waving invitingly at Suzaku from above. "Aren't you hungry?" he asked the soldier, yanking at Suzaku's upper arm. He lay down, spreading himself over the table, ignoring the angry jeers of the other restaurant patrons. "Come, Suzaku," he implored, bouncing his hips on the tabletop. "Have me for dinner."_

 _Suzaku mindlessly lowered himself over Lelouch's prone body, breathing heavily on his dancing sex. Wordlessly, he opened his mouth and tentatively licked the tip, appreciating how Lelouch's stomach muscles rippled at the motion. His senses were heightened, feeling the judgmental stares boring into his naked back like daggers._

" _Suzaku!" moaned Lelouch. It was the first time Lelouch had ever moaned his name._

" _Yes, Your Highness?" the brunet asked, Lelouch's voice giving him the strength to endure the surrounding hostility. He relaxed his throat, closing his lips around more of his best friend's cock. It tasted like the steak they'd shared that night, and it tasted like friendship rekindled._

 _Hazy purple eyes stared into green, and Lelouch's lips moved ever so slowly. "I want you…" But the rest was drowned out, and Suzaku's eyes slipped shut—_

—and flew open to stare at his ceiling, his sheets twisted haphazardly around his body.

*/*

That same night, Lelouch dreamt of Suzaku for the first time.

*/*

-End Chapter-


	4. Seesaw

**An unrated version of this story is on my AO3 account (NeoDiji) and linked on my Tumblr (NeoDiji).**

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D

Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. Go read her Undertale comic, _Refuse_. :D

*/*

 _Something Worth Blackmailing_

Alternatively: _Two Boys and Their Love_

*/*

Chapter Four: Seesaw

*/*

"Are you going to ignore me all night?" Suzaku groaned, rocking impatiently back and forth on the bed. Lelouch's room was empty save for the two of them. In fact, the entire Lamperouge suite was theirs for the evening; Sayoko had taken Nunnally away to one of her routine hospital visits, and then they were going to have a "girls night out" getting dinner. There was only Lelouch to entertain him, and Suzaku sighed loudly in annoyance and kicked his feet in the air, not able to keep still. Indignant words spilled from his lips in a huff: "I mean, you haven't said a word to me all afternoon." The look he directed at the ebony-haired prince was accusing and just a tad hurt.

Lelouch kept his eyes trained on his chessboard, but he answered Suzaku out the corner of his mouth. "I invited you here for dinner, didn't I?" He reached across the board, fingers searching for the right pawn to start the game. With a cunning smirk, he glanced quickly at Suzaku before closing his fingers around the selected chess piece. _Suzaku keeps moving, like he's nervous to be around me, maybe excited._ His smirk slipped. _I can't believe it took me so long to notice how much he likes me!_

Suzaku fidgeted even more. "Um, yeah," he confirmed. His eyebrows drew together in both irritation and confusion. " _You_ asked _me_ to come over, so why aren't you saying anything?"

A slight half-shrug lifted the prince's left shoulder; his attention was clearly on chess. "To answer your first question," he said distractedly, scanning the almost empty board, "no, I will not ignore you all night. I'll talk to you during dinner, and not before." A teasing smile curled his lips. He made his next move and waited.

"But that's not fair!" the Japanese teen protested, reacting in record time. He leapt off the bed, landing with a thump on Lelouch's hardwood floors.

The prince scowled as the chess pieces rattled on the board. "Suzaku," he scolded. Finally, he looked up from his game. Overlooking the fact that he'd just told the younger boy they wouldn't speak until dinner, he opened his mouth and asked, "Something wrong?" Genuine concern laced his voice. Eyes trained on Suzaku, he blindly moved a white pawn two spaces forward. _Is he ready to confess to me, or is something troubling him?_ Hazarding a guess, he advised, "If it's the military, just quit already."

"No, it's not that," the brunet refuted, voice strained. He took a deep breath and looked away from his friend. "And I won't quit the military, Lelouch. I have things I need to do there."

 _He said 'won't,' not 'can't,'_ the prince fumed to himself silently. _He'll do anything for me—except give up his allegiance to Britannia._ Eyes narrowing, he pressed, "Then what's on your mind?" Dissatisfaction curled his lip at Suzaku's decision, and frustration pricked his nerves. _Why can't he just ditch the Army and be done with it?! If not for himself, then for me?_

The black queen was slammed onto a different square, jangling the other pieces on the board.

Suzaku shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and then sank back onto the bed. "I was just wondering," he said, and then clamped his mouth shut.

Lelouch turned to fix him with his gaze. _Is it time? Is he wondering how to ask me…?_ "Go on. I'm listening, Suzaku." Without looking at his game, he moved one of his white knights onto the playing field.

The brunet shrugged helplessly. "Er, well, the other day…Shirley, she…um, how do you feel about her, anyway, Lelouch?" He looked to the side, body clearly tense as he waited for the answer.

"Shirley?" Lelouch repeated incredulously. _Shirley?_ A black bishop joined the white knight on the board. "She's a good friend. Why?"

Suzaku shrugged again, looking a little too much like he didn't care—which meant he _did_ care. "What I mean is, do you think she's pretty?"

"Yes," the prince answered. _I bet you were begging me to say 'no,' weren't you, Suzaku?_ He continued to stare at the soldier, keeping his expression neutral. Forcing naivety into his voice, he wondered aloud, "Suzaku, where are you going with this?" He had to work very hard to keep from smirking again. _Suzaku, you're so easy to string along. Not like I'd do that—for long, anyway._

Suzaku gaped at him. "She thinks you're pretty, too!" he blurted out without thinking.

Lelouch cocked his head. "Does she?" he asked in his fake-interested tone. He flicked his eyes back and forth between chess and Suzaku _. What a fun game I'm playing_. His fingers hovered over the chessboard, but he didn't yet make his move. Dangling the bait, he asked, "And what do _you_ think? Does Shirley have good taste?" _You'll be honest, Suzaku, if I have to drag the truth out of you!_

Green eyes widened. Taken aback by the turnaround, Suzaku lowered his head and whispered, "…yes."

"Good," Lelouch said, knowing he took the brunet by surprise. _I'm glad you took that first step, Suzaku. Now finish the job and admit you like me yourself!_ With a smirk, the prince watched as the white knight took the black bishop, making it the first capture of the game. The stakes were up. "Now that you're being honest, tell me what you're _really_ asking."

A blush graced the brunet's cheeks. "Do you like her?"

"I do."

Suzaku squirmed. "You should tell her," he counseled, his tone carefully neutral.

"Why?" Lelouch questioned in an annoyed voice. _What is he saying?! He's supposed to claim me for himself! Why is he sacrificing his happiness for Shirley's?_ He felt his heart drop. _Suzaku's actions should not be unstable variables. The only obstacle to take care of should be the whole Zero debacle._ A black knight slid towards the center of the board, blocking the opposing knight's access to its king.

Suzaku shrugged listlessly. "So you can move things to the next stage."

Lelouch frowned. "What next stage?" Concentrating, he moved his white knight piece again. Not only did that increase the chances of circumventing the enemy, but that way he wouldn't have too many of his pieces on the main board at one time. It was better to play it safe. _I can't afford to mess up._

"Dating, of course!" Suzaku exclaimed, obviously fed up with Lelouch's clueless attitude. "Unless you're not ready for a girlfriend yet… But you know, you are seventeen now, and you _like_ her so it'd be totally normal if you went for it…"

The prince chuckled, causing the soldier's mouth to open in surprise. "I like Shirley," he repeated in a careless tone, "but not as girlfriend material." He lightly tapped the captured black bishop in the discarded pile of pieces, his eyes trained on the second black knight moving into position. _I won't let anything, be it Shirley or the Black Knights, come between us._

"Oh."

Rolling his eyes good-naturedly, Lelouch looked up from his game, leaned a bit closer to his best friend, and said in a low voice, "To be perfectly honest, Suzaku, girls don't capture my fancy." Waiting a moment to let that sink in, eyeing Suzaku's cautiously hopeful expression, he continued, "Boys don't capture my fancy either… _generally_ speaking." Violet eyes bore into green for an intense moment before Lelouch gracefully turned back to his chessboard.

Breath catching in his throat, Suzaku gasped, "I see." His mouth opened and closed a few times, as if he was searching for words or courage. Then, staring long and hard at his friend's favorite pastime, he let the topic die and observed dryly, "You're playing _yourself?_ "

"I _am_ my best opponent," Lelouch said smugly, tampering down his internal frustration. _What is the matter now?! I left you the_ _ **perfect**_ _opening, Suzaku. How obvious do I need to hint that I want you as much as you want me?!_ He moved the black king diagonally to the left, deliberately putting it in danger of capture by the persistent white knight.

Though Suzaku was not the best at strategy, he'd known Lelouch long enough to understand the basics of this particular game. "That's against the rules," he said, though Lelouch didn't know why he bothered. The Britannian prince knew the rules of chess much better than Suzaku, after all. "You're not allowed to put yourself in check."

Purple eyes glittered in his direction. "What if I trust the white knight piece?"

"To do what?" Suzaku asked, noticeably confused. Lelouch would bet all his gambling winnings that the Japanese was thinking: Wasn't the goal to seize the enemy king?

Lelouch let loose a sigh and abandoned his game. "You tell me, Suzaku. Your move."

*/*

It wasn't until hours later that Suzaku realized—Lelouch hadn't been talking about chess at all.

*/*

Suzaku fell asleep that night smiling, still reeling internally from the implications of Lelouch's latest challenge. Shirley was no longer considered a romantic rival since the black-haired prince had clearly dismissed her as "girlfriend material." _But do you think of me as "boyfriend material," Lelouch?_ Suzaku wondered. _That_ _ **is**_ _what you were hinting at, right? Or am I looking too close and seeing only what I want to see?_ Still, he'd taken steps, and it seemed like his condition was met to the point that he could move on with confessing. Sighing happily, the soldier slipped into dreamland in the middle of planning out his perfect romantic profession.

 _Everything seemed peaceful and serene, but for the slight niggling in the back of his brain. The white covering horizon to horizon spoke of purity, but the colorless glare made his eyes hurt. He squeezed his eyes shut, pictured Lelouch in his mind, and felt something just_ _ **click**_ _inside him. There was empty space all around, no landmarks, no nothing—but even in the literal middle of nowhere, he felt the axis of his world shift into its predestined disposition. A throbbing hum reverberated in the air, and he was reminded of the Lancelot during launch. It was that_ _ **right**_ _feeling that told him he was where he was supposed to be, that he was doing what he was supposed to do._

 _Suzaku's eyes opened, a strong clarity reflected in them. He didn't have to hide anymore. He_ _ **loved**_ _Lelouch. His feelings weren't some passing fancy, and Lelouch would accept him no matter what. Hadn't he already done so?_

 _He was no longer alone, and he flailed in that empty space. As if to punish him for feeling happy, his sins manifested out of thin air into corporeal form before him._

" _Suzaku."_

 _He shrank back, clasping his hands over his ears. Worse than the jeering taunts of nameless, faceless people in the background, this one voice had the power to undo him. Or rather, it was the one voice other than Lelouch's that had such control over him. It graced his nightmares on a regular basis, always ending in a dying scream._

" _Suzaku."_

 _His hands did nothing to filter the voice. It pierced straight through him, down to the murkiest depths of his soul. Or maybe…it was crying out from his soul, flowing out of him to the white expanse of freedom._

" _Suzaku."_

 _His name, over and over again, judged and sinful. He looked up, faced his gravest sin right in the eye, and returned a greeting. "Father."_

 _Kururugi Genbu was there in a business suit, a knife still protruding from his fatal wound. Blood dripped off him, highlighting the white place with a splash of vivid red. "Suzaku," he said again, condemning and unforgiving._

" _I'm sorry!" the boy wailed, shutting his eyes again. Upon opening them, he saw Lelouch had joined them in this white space. Sobbing, Suzaku reached for the prince, needing the comfort of the one he loved._

 _Genbu floated forward, yanking the knife out of himself and plunging it into Lelouch before Suzaku could reach him. "Suzaku," he said again, the name echoing in the still silence._

 _Suzaku's hands shook, tears pouring from his eyes, his face twisting in horror._

 _Lelouch looked at him sadly, blood spurting from his abdomen. "Suzaku," he murmured in that deep voice, "why didn't you make your move sooner?"_

Suzaku woke up gasping for air, a hand pressed tightly to his chest. Tears still wet his eyelashes, and his heart was racing. Disoriented as he was, it took him a few moments to realize that it was just a dream, that Lelouch was most likely safe in his own bedroom. And his father…

…well, his father was still dead. He'd made sure of _that_ seven years ago.

He didn't make it two steps from the bed before he retched. Wiping snot and vomit from his face, he shakily turned on the light and started to clean his mess. He couldn't shake off the feeling of foreboding that came from his dream—from _all_ his dreams—but somehow, when he thought of Lelouch, none of it seemed to matter.

Then, as he wiped vomit off his floor, he had the most startling realization of his waking life: He _loved_ Lelouch. No, he'd almost always loved him…but now he was _in_ love with him. He'd subconsciously known it all along, but it had never fully clicked until the l-word came up in his dream. He knew he was attracted to Lelouch, and he knew he loved him…but to put those together and make it romantic—to not just casually date but to truly and _fully_ devote himself to Lelouch as a partner—the idea had never crossed his mind.

Until now.

 _What would Lelouch say?_

Suzaku froze, his hand shaking in a pool of bile. He remembered the prince's all-too-familiar knowing smirk, his suggestive wording, his discreet glances and probing eyes…

… _the damned bastard has it all figured out already!_

*/*

Beams of early afternoon sunlight slanted through Lelouch's upper story bedroom window, leaving strips of light and shadow across his chessboard, floor, and bed. A stray spick of dust drifted lazily in the air, gleaming peacefully in the soft sunlight. It was still and quiet, every bit the refuge the emerging masked rebellion leader needed to unwind from his strenuous new responsibilities.

The door slammed open, and Lelouch shoved his best friend into the room ahead of him. He pushed Suzaku all the way to his bed, a strong sense of purpose radiating from his shaking form. "Take your shirt off," he ordered, tongue sharp, in the voice of a man who was used to being obeyed. When the brunet hesitated, Lelouch narrowed his eyes and practically leapt at his friend, taking Suzaku by the shoulders and gently pinning him to the bed. "When I tell you to do something," he started to growl.

"Yeah, I get it," Suzaku mumbled. "When you tell me to do something, I do it, right?" A flicker of defiance flashed in his emerald eyes.

Lelouch's expression softened somewhat. "No," he corrected, backing off a bit but still holding Suzaku to the mattress. "I was going to say, 'I tell you for your own good.' Look, I'm just worried, so let me help you already!"

Suzaku turned his head, burying it in the bulge of Lelouch's pillow. Inhaling deeply, he shivered. When he looked back at his friend, he seemed a bit more relaxed and compliant, but his eyes were hazy and distant. "I don't _want_ you to worry," he murmured, voice low enough that the Britannian boy had to lean in close just to hear. "That's why I didn't tell you to begin with."

" _Suzaku,_ " Lelouch moaned in exasperation. _Is he disoriented because of the pain or because he's overwhelmed being so close to me?_ Shaking his head, he glared again and demanded, "Well, let's see the damage. Strip." He moved away from the brown-haired teenager slowly, letting him sit up.

Lelouch watched as Suzaku took a fortifying breath, closed his eyes, and gingerly peeled his sweaty, bloodstained shirt from his chest. He moved slowly, carefully, as if in pain, being cautious so as to not open his wound further. He was forced to rip the fabric of his gym uniform out of drying, clotting blood.

Purple eyes scanned the injury, and Lelouch shook his head sadly. "You're too reckless," he reprimanded, though he wasn't sure if he was referring to how Suzaku got hurt in the first place or to how Suzaku upset his wound by playing too roughly in gym class. "I'll stitch it up again," he promised, pulling a first aid box from under his bed.

Suzaku just lay down on his uninjured side and exposed the gaping hole in his flesh to his surrogate doctor. "Thanks," he said hoarsely.

"Stop thanking me," Lelouch bit out harshly. _I hope he doesn't ask me why I had a first aid kit under my bed. That would be hard to explain without spilling my secret. Suzaku really shouldn't be here; too much could go wrong._ Retreating for a moment or so, he returned with an armful of towels and a bowl of water. Dipping a washcloth into the water, he tenderly wiped at the blood oozing out from between broken stitches. Heaving a sigh, he set to work fixing it all, scrutinizing Suzaku's body with a keen eye. Minutes passed as Lelouch meticulously worked on his best friend, and he finally asked, "What happened?"

Suzaku shrugged one shoulder. "A…piece of machinery…fell on me! At work," he finished quickly, as if trying to cover up his earlier hesitation. "I, uh, wasn't fast enough to dodge it." He shrugged again, burying his face back into Lelouch's pillow. He breathed deeply and fidgeted, lying motionless only when Lelouch's fingers brushed against a sensitive spot.

Lelouch narrowed his eyes, not buying it, but didn't press the other. "And who took care of you afterwards?"

The soldier sighed at the question. "We had doctors on-site," he explained.

"In the Engineering labs?" Lelouch asked, raising an eyebrow.

Suzaku winced. He mumbled into the prince's pillow, "I was by the Lake Kawaguchi hotel when the whole Zero thing happened. I was touching up some of the Knightmares for the Army…"

Lelouch's hands stilled in their work, and he huffed, "Idiot."

Breathing a sigh, Suzaku relaxed under the other boy's skilled hands. "When did you learn to stitch wounds?"

The prince worked for another minute before bothering to answer. "I learned during the war. I watched doctors do it, and it looked easy. However, this is the first time I'm putting it into practice."

Snorting, Suzaku rolled his shoulder blades, stretching his muscles. "Glad I could be your first."

Lelouch almost blushed at the brunet's words. Through sheer force of will, he kept his voice from shaking as he said, "That makes two of us."

Staring back at Lelouch confusedly, Suzaku raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

The prince shook his head fondly. "Forget it, idiot. I'm all done." To accentuate his declaration, he trailed his fingertips across sutured, tanned skin, making sure the wound didn't open at the action. Deeming his doctoring satisfactory, he continued rubbing his friend's side, too transfixed by the movement to stop.

Suzaku's breathing was halfway schooled and barely steady, but he lay there silently.

The Britannian's slender fingers slowed, then drifted to a mess of scar tissue adjacent to Suzaku's most recent injury. Lightly pressing the pads of his fingers against it, he leaned closer, his breath fanning over the old wound. "Why," he whispered, "do you always have to get yourself hurt?"

Suzaku kicked his legs uncomfortably, but didn't move his upper body.

"This is where you were shot—to save me." Suddenly, red-hot anger swelled within Lelouch's chest, and he jerked his hand from Suzaku's body, as if it was the source of fire licking his veins. "You…time after time…are hurt and abused by the god _damn_ Britannian military…and time after time…you go back to them! Why won't you just quit?!"

Suzaku shrugged helplessly and slid to his feet, stretching his side as if to test the stitches. But of course they held; Lelouch was never one to do less than perfectly. "Can't," Suzaku said, voice flippant.

Lelouch was beyond angry at him now. "Why not?" he asked, eyes flashing.

Suzaku glared and held his ground. "Because." He was trembling; everyone knew he hated being on the receiving end of Lelouch's rage.

"'Because' isn't an answer," the black-haired boy snarled. "Surely you realize—I mean, Suzaku, you're an idiot, but you're not really that stupid." _You're truly an enigma, even though I find you annoyingly predictable most times._ He flung his arm to the side, palm up and fingers flexing.

The Honorary Britannian flinched. "Look, I know I'm not as smart as you, Lelouch. I never claimed to be, so don't—"

"This isn't about comparing us," the prince shot back. "It's about you using common sense for once in your life!"

Suzaku slowly shook his head. "I have a plan. I have my own way of doing things. To change the world, I need to be—"

"You don't _need_ to be," Lelouch interrupted again. "There's an alternative."

The soldier glared harder. "You mean Zero?" At Lelouch's nod, the brunet shook his head. "I cannot follow that man."

Lelouch recoiled. "Why not?" he said again, voice bitter.

Suzaku sighed and took a step closer; Lelouch automatically backed up against the wall, making the mattress bounce where he sat. The brunet reached for his friend, but the prince shrugged him off, still waiting for an answer.

"Zero's methods aren't morally right," the soldier explained brusquely. "It would go against my own honor to follow him."

"He saved you," Lelouch threw back, though the fire in his words had died. "I have to be grateful to him for that."

Suzaku took a step closer, and this time Lelouch stayed put. "It's not that I'm ungrateful," the soldier went on. "If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here with you right now. I _know_ that. It's just that…to follow him long-term…I couldn't live with myself."

"You owe Zero your life." _You owe me everything._

"No," Suzaku countered. "I don't owe Zero anything. I didn't ask him to save me, even though I'm glad he did. And besides, none of this would have happened in the first place if it weren't for him. If he hadn't killed Prince Clovis, I would never have been framed. It was initially his fault, and it was his responsibility to me to correct it."

Lelouch's mouth stretched into a thin line. "He did," he said curtly.

"Well, yes," Suzaku admitted freely. "He did." His gaze turned worried as he looked over his pale friend, and he dropped a hand on Lelouch's shoulder. "You okay?"

The prince's head snapped up, beads of sweat dotting his brow. "I'm fine!" he snapped. "I just wish you'd quit. You won't join Zero, the man who _saved your life_ , but you'll stay with the Britannian military, the ones who _abused you and planned to kill you_ … _ **why?**_ _"_

Suzaku's jaw set determinedly. "Because I can change the Empire from the inside out."

"That won't work," Lelouch said immediately. "The Britannians will never look at you and see a person."

"You do," the brunet answered glibly. "Princess Euphemia does."

Purple eyes widened slightly at the mention of the Third Princess, but Lelouch plowed on regardless. "You'll get nowhere."

Suzaku shook his head again. "I'll get nowhere by following Zero."

"Who saved the hostages from the hotel jacking?" Lelouch challenged. "Was it your precious Britannian Army? No, it was Zero! How can you say that following him…?" Cutting himself off, cursing himself inside for getting too heated, he turned his head and stared morosely at the wall.

Suzaku's expression hardened. "I'll be the first to admit that Zero saved everyone two nights ago, but I get the feeling he has his own secret agenda. I don't think he did it out of pure goodwill; a murderer like him has a black heart, and that's something I can't trust…or live with."

Lelouch growled, inwardly wincing. "So you think you can use your own flawed interpretations to your advantage? You can't go around making your own judgments and following them as fact; you have no idea how to put together a logical argument."

With a dry chuckle, the brunet soldier said, "I don't need to know logic when I have you."

"Then _listen_ to me!" Lelouch ordered, almost begged. "I care about you, Suzaku. What if you get hurt again—or worse?" _Haven't I already proven that I can't live without you anymore?_

Silently, his brow smoothing out, Suzaku climbed onto the mattress and wrapped his friend in a hug. "I promise you," he mumbled into the prince's neck, "that it's not dangerous. I'm just a mechanic in the Engineering Corp, and I'm not sent out on the front lines like before. Can't you trust in me to look after myself?"

With angry tears pricking his eyes, Lelouch returned the hug hesitantly and said with disbelief, "You? Take care of _yourself?_ " A sour laugh erupted from deep in his throat. His fingers automatically flew to touch the scar tissue on Suzaku's right lower back. "You almost died trying to protect me. You're too self-sacrificing for your own good. So no, I don't trust you."

Suzaku tightened his hold. "I promise," he said again, voice ragged. "Please believe in me. I know what I'm doing."

"I want you to quit," the prince repeated himself.

"I know," the soldier returned soothingly. "But I won't, and it'll be okay. You'll see."

Lelouch huffed angrily over Suzaku's shoulder. "No, _you_ will," he countered.

Suzaku only closed his eyes.

Arguing further was pointless; Lelouch always had to have the last word.

*/*

"Le _louch_ , stop staring at Suzaku!" Milly ordered, beating the prince on the head with a rolled up newspaper. "I asked you five times to get the senior class's budget fixed; if it's not done in the next hour, then we're switching uniforms!"

Blinking sleepily at the Student Council president, the ebony-haired boy slowly scratched some numerical figures on the paperwork in front of him. "Sorry, Madame Pres," he said around a yawn. "I was up late last night."

The blonde pouted. "Aw, and here I thought you were spacing out because you were in love!"

Both boys froze, and Lelouch studiously avoided Suzaku's eye; he kept his gaze firmly on his paperwork. His knuckles turned white around the pencil in his hand, and he bit his lip. Milly was more observant than he often gave her credit for, but did she really suspect his feelings? If so, did she discern whom they were for? Did she know of the fluttery feeling in his stomach whenever he thought of Suzaku, and of the uncontrollable yearning to see the green-eyed boy at all hours? Did she know of his want to keep him happy and safe, to take care of his needs and reassure him that he was loved? Did she know of his confusing dreams, overpowering his mind at night and slipping into his imagination by day? Did she know that he _knew_ Suzaku loved him in return?

If Milly could tell, could _Suzaku?_

…no, the boy was an idiot.

He was safe in that regard. The true threat now was Milly Ashford. "I'm sorry to disappoint you," Lelouch answered in a cool tone—in his practiced liar's voice.

*/*

Suzaku looked down and smiled as Milly rolled her eyes and flounced away in obvious disappointment. There was a happy, floating kind of feeling in the brunet's chest, and it only scared him a little that in the short time since he'd reunited with his friend, he could accurately read him where others could not.

Lelouch was lying, and he was in love.

Then, he looked up and caught Lelouch's eye. The prince's gaze seared right through him, and Suzaku felt his breath catch. He could identify the conflicting feelings reflected in his friend's violet eyes; he knew because they were the same feelings he saw in his own whenever he looked in the mirror. His skin was on fire under Lelouch's penetrating look, and the hairs on the back of his neck started to rise. Suzaku started to tremble. _I'm sure he knows how_ _ **I**_ _feel, but_ _could it be possible that_ _ **he**_ _…? I mean, why else would he insinuate…?_

Purple eyes blinked at him once, very slowly, as if reading his mind.

Suzaku felt his heart almost explode with happiness at their secret coded gesture for "yes."

 _Lelouch is lying, and he's in love_.

 _With me!_

*/*

Shuffling his feet nervously, Suzaku knocked on Lelouch's bedroom door. The prince had extended an open invitation, which Suzaku took to mean he was welcome any time he damn well pleased. Normally, he wasn't one to just drop in on someone, but this was different. He just couldn't keep silent anymore, especially after determining that Lelouch most likely loved him back. He'd been trying to come up with the perfect love confession, and it had been holding him back; nothing he thought of seemed good enough for Lelouch. But at the end of the day, as long as he spoke from the heart, surely that was all that mattered?

There was a bang inside—a chair falling over, it sounded like—and some bumping and grumbling. Finally, Lelouch threw open the door, his face reflecting surprise at the brunet's unexpected appearance. "Suzaku!"

The soldier swallowed shakily, barely managing a second-long smile. "Hey there, Lelouch. Can we talk?" His skin prickled with anticipation, and his feet felt like lead, bolted to the floor in front of his crush's bedroom.

Lelouch looked him in the eye, then stepped out of his hardly-open doorway—stepped partly into Suzaku, their chests brushing before he turned, yanking his bedroom door closed behind him. "Let's go to the kitchen," he suggested brightly. Too brightly.

Suzaku nodded, half puzzled as to why Lelouch didn't want him in his room, half disappointed because if things turned out the way he hoped, he wanted the bed nearby—just in case. Not that he'd ever go so far so soon, but the temptation lingered in his mind, spurred on by the flux of crazy dreams starring his best friend. "Sure," he choked, following Lelouch as if in slow motion. When he stepped into the kitchen, Lelouch was already making tea, keeping himself busy.

"What did you wish to talk about?" the prince asked, stirring sugar mindlessly into his cup. He never used sugar.

Suzaku felt dizzy, and he leaned back against the sturdy countertop. Sayoko and Nunnally were gone, so they still had privacy. If only he could get himself to speak! Just a simple 'Lelouch, I love you' would do, but he'd be lucky if he could manage a sound other than a croak. He'd heard before that, when you really believed in something, it was easy to speak. But that couldn't be true. He knew for certain that he loved Lelouch, and here he couldn't manage a single word! Maybe Lelouch would magically discern what he wanted to say; it wouldn't be the first time his friend had read him intuitively.

So with that in mind, he stared at the prince, willing all the love he felt to shine through his eyes.

Lelouch looked at him, sighed, and said carefully, "I know what you want to say."

Suzaku's head snapped up hopefully, green eyes glinting even brighter. _Of course you do. You always know._

"But I don't think it's a good idea," the prince continued, bravely staring the soldier straight in the eye. He hesitated, swallowing thickly, and his voice was gentle as he explained, "Some things, Suzaku, are best left as they are." Amethyst eyes shimmered with discernable regret. After another moment of silence, he looked away and suggested, "Maybe you should go…forget this ever happened…"

Unable to utter a word in the face of rejection, Suzaku nodded and left, the door slamming in his wake.

*/*

Behind him, Lelouch quivered and stared at the second cup of untouched tea. With slicing pain and frustration overpowering him, he hurled the delicate china at the wall. The satisfying crash mirrored the tumultuous emotions in his chest, and the brown tea bled down the wallpaper like blood dripping from his heart.

He sank to his knees, letting his head bang against a cabinet door. "I'm so sorry, Suzaku," he croaked, hoping Suzaku could sense his apology, wherever he was right now. _That was harder on me than it was on you, if you could ever believe it._ Slinging an arm over his eyes, he decided not to return to his room just yet.

C.C. would not be happy to see him after being shoved under the bed. But then, he hadn't known Suzaku was going to show up, and they both knew it was dangerous to be seen together. If she didn't scarf down so many pizzas, maybe she would fit under his bed easier! It was the witch's fault—entirely—and sometimes her presence annoyed him to the point of insanity. Like tonight. If she wasn't there, he could invite Suzaku into his room and then…well, then forget his resolve to end things before they began.

He'd decided it after the Black Knights' debut. He was in too deep to consider a relationship with—his heart lurched—an enemy. After he had that fight with Suzaku, with his lovely Japanese boy half-naked but bleeding on his bed, he'd realized how utterly hopeless it was. _Suzaku can't accept Zero, and anything we could have would only be a mockery of a true relationship. Not to mention, he'd be a distraction. I can't let anything keep me from making Nunnally's peaceful world!_

Lelouch laughed mirthlessly, hunched over on his kitchen floor. _He must be so confused! I keep sending him mixed signals. 'Suzaku, make your move.' 'No, Suzaku, let's leave things as they are.' I wouldn't blame him if he hated me right now._ The prince curled deeper into himself, trembling violently, as if he had been the one brutally rejected. _And the thought of Suzaku hating me is absolutely unbearable! Why did I have to fall for that idiot?! …Why am I making both our lives miserable?_

The answer rolled into the room five minutes later, the whir of a wheelchair making the prince lift his tearstained face.

"Master Lelouch?" Sayoko asked from her place behind Nunnally. Worry shone in her warm eyes, and she looked around the kitchen, noticing the shattered china teacup and stained wall.

"I'll fix it," the black-haired teen promised. "I'll make everything perfect again."

*/*

"I'm glad," Suzaku said out of the blue, still not able to look Lelouch in the eye. He'd been sneaking glances at the prince all day. Every once in a while, he'd notice Lelouch looking back at him out his peripheral vision. Neither of them had uttered a word 'til then, but playing eye-tag said it all: _This is hard. I miss you!_

Lelouch turned to stare at the other. "Oh?" he asked. "What are you so glad about this time?"

It was just the two of them in the Student Council room (sans Arthur), and the atmosphere was mostly strained. There was a good bit of space between them where they sat on the couch between the doorways, and it was that engulfing space that was wrought with tension.

Suzaku laughed embarrassedly and looked to the side, a telltale pink hue staining his cheeks. Another memory of the embarrassing episode in Lelouch's kitchen flashed through his mind: the gravity of the dark-haired prince's face as he indisputably rejected Suzaku's feelings. A romantic relationship was out of the question now, but… "We're still friends—best friends." It was an understood question as well: _**Are**_ _we still friends?_

It was Lelouch's turn to look away. "Idiot," he murmured fondly. "Of course we are. Always."

The brunet whipped around to stare at the older boy. "Even after…?" he asked, not wanting to put the incident to words. _I ruined everything yesterday! It's only a matter of time until everyone knows how badly I messed things up._

Lelouch nodded firmly, fine black hair swishing from the motion. " _Nothing_ could ever make us not be friends, you and I." Suzaku frowned, and Lelouch frowned too at that uncomplimentary reaction. "Why aren't you happy?"

Suzaku fixed his gaze on the floor. It took extra effort to speak. "You shouldn't hold yourself back, Lelouch. I'm just…just an Eleven." _Maybe that's the reason Lelouch doesn't want to be with me._ He added earnestly, "There are so many others who are more worthy of your time and friendship, so why…?"

Visibly offended, the prince shot to his feet and grabbed his friend by the shoulders. His grip was weak, but his glare was strong as he all but hissed at the brunet, " _Eleven_. Don't use that vile word around me. You're not a Number, Suzaku, you're a human being!" Grip tightening, his breathing hard, Lelouch leaned closer and vowed, "More than that, you're my best friend, and I don't give a damn if the rest of the world thinks you're worthless. I'll _never_ think that, do you hear me?"

Wide-eyed, Suzaku could only nod and stare into those burning purple eyes so close to his own. _I should have known Lelouch wouldn't be that shallow. But then, why…?_ "Le-Lelouch," he whispered, licking his lips. The tension increased again, pressing down on them, pushing them closer together while simultaneously keeping them from crossing that thinning line of friendship. Suzaku's heart raced, and he was overcome with the urge to slide that last little bit closer. He moved to clutch the prince by the shoulder…

…and Lelouch hurriedly tore himself away, losing some of his famous grace and composure in the process. "Well then," he breathed, turning his back on Suzaku. "I'm glad we got that settled."

*/*

He was alone in his sanctuary.

A light breeze ruffled Lelouch's bangs as he leaned on the roof railing, staring out at the school grounds spread before his ever watchful gaze. Dark clouds hung heavy in the air, but the approaching storm had yet to break. The prince closed his eyes and tilted his head back, enjoying the feeling of the wind rushing across his face. Breathing deeply, he savored the freedom he felt up there, almost as if he were atop the world. The creak of a door opening caught his attention, and he calmly turned to stare expectantly at his friend. "Suzaku," he breathed, the brunet's name leaving his lips in a whoosh. His face broke out into a calm smile.

He was alone _with_ his sanctuary.

Suzaku quietly closed the door behind him, his head high but his shoulders tense. Green-gray sunlight broke through the clouds, casting an eerie, pale light on the soldier's haggard face. "Hi, Lelouch," he greeted solemnly. He rolled his shoulders, bravely meeting the other boy's eye. "I know why you called me up here."

"You do?" The prince cocked his head, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Since when do you predict my actions?"

The brunet soldier laughed mirthlessly. "I know, I know. That's your job." Green eyes followed a zigzag of lightning on the horizon. "But it doesn't take a genius to figure out what you want to talk about, Lelouch. And we both know I'm no genius."

Lelouch was silent, confirming his agreement, not bothering to argue.

Point proven, Suzaku stood straighter, his gaze drifting back to Lelouch's face. The younger boy gulped. "Look, let's just get this over with. I know we already talked about how nothing changed our friendship, but I realized that I never said—"

"Oh no," Lelouch moaned, interrupting his friend, foreseeing where this was going. "You wouldn't dare say—"

"—I'm sorry." Suzaku hung his head.

The prince took a step closer to the soldier, moving away from the roof railing.

Suzaku's shoulders trembled; he looked as shaken as a leaf in the wind. "I assumed that you—I mean—I thought I wasn't the only one." Squeezing his eyes shut, he waited for the rain to fall so his tears would blend with the sky's. There was no blending. "I'm sorry," he croaked again. "I wanted to believe so badly that I ended up making things awkward between us. I know you know what I'm talking about." Sniffling, he pressed his arm tight against his eyes. "I didn't mean to. I wish I could take it back."

Lelouch was silent for a moment, taking it all in. He waited, letting Suzaku regain control of himself. Then, softly, he murmured, "That's funny. I don't."

The brunet's head shot up, eyes popping open. "Wh-what?"

A smirk curled the ebony-haired boy's lips. "I said," he repeated himself, "that I don't wish you could take it back. I'm flattered, really." Purple eyes sparked with mischief as he finally put the situation to words: "That you like me, I mean. Suzaku."

The soldier choked on his own breath and stumbled backwards; Lelouch smoothly stepped in to grasp his shoulder and keep him upright.

Another long silence permeated the air between them.

Finally, Suzaku mumbled, "You're wrong."

"What?"

The soldier looked up. "I don't just _like_ you, Lelouch. I—" A gust of wind sprang up, drowning his voice, carrying his confession away. Suzaku shifted uncomfortably from side to side.

Lelouch's smirk softened into a smile. His eyes glowed with happiness, but he only said, "You're wrong too, Suzaku. I didn't signal you up here to discuss _that_." He constricted his fingers tighter around the younger boy's shoulder, holding him in place. A glare transformed his face. "I wanted to talk about history class this morning." The discussion topic that day had centered on the Elevens' unquestionable defeat during the Second Pacific War, and half the students in their year had taken it upon themselves to remind Suzaku that he was born of losers' blood. Mrs. Kerr, of course, had done nothing to stop the ruckus, not even when Corbin Dixon and Farrell Fox had thrown spitballs at Suzaku's face.

The Japanese boy just shrugged. "It's not a big deal to me, Lelouch."

"Well, maybe it should be!" Lelouch erupted. He abruptly let go of the brunet's shoulder and spun around, hands fisting at his sides. His voice was biting as he empathized, "You don't deserve what this school puts you through." Stormy shadows played across his face, and his words escaped through clenched teeth. "It's despicable: the way they treat you, just because you're Japanese."

Relaxing slightly, Suzaku couldn't help but smile. His heart swelled with gratitude—and the 'something else' that had been growing stronger every day he spent in the violet-eyed prince's company. Feeling brave, he ventured, "Lelouch, I wouldn't care if every other single person at this school hated me…as long as I had you."

Lelouch whirled around again. Disbelief and bliss warred on his face; bliss won. "Suzaku…" The air crackled with energy; the most electric space on the roof encompassed the inches between their heaving chests.

Suzaku looked embarrassedly to the floor. He was reminded of that time in the Student Council room recently, when he'd first come under the impression that Lelouch loved him in a romantic sense. Since he'd been rejected, he'd convinced himself that he'd read the prince wrong after all. But now…

It would be a crime for Leouch to look so overjoyed and _not_ love him back.

White-yellow lightning flashed behind the Britannian boy's head, and Suzaku reeled back as if struck. Understanding dawned in his eyes, but was quickly overshadowed by storm clouds at the dim realization. It wasn't that Lelouch didn't _want_ to be with him; it was that they _couldn't_ be together. After all, a relationship between an Eleven and a Britannian—and two boys at that? Such a thing was basically unheard of! And if anyone discovered Lelouch was royalty…if anyone discovered a Britannian _prince_ had feelings for a lowly _Number_ …

Suzaku shivered at the potential ramifications.

Lelouch, meanwhile, was caught in his own circling thoughts. He'd vowed to himself not to complicate things further by taking that next step with Suzaku, but his heart ached at the empty feeling he knew they were both suffering. His own pain was augmented knowing Suzaku was smarting over his rejection; he winced, knowing he really just wanted to open his arms to the Japanese boy. He'd held out for almost five days now, keeping up the charade that the issue was a done deal. And yet…the roaring in his heart told him otherwise, and by Suzaku's last comment and tone, he knew the feelings he had for the other were still mutual. There was still a chance to turn this around.

Only, what about Nunnally's peaceful world? The Black Knights? _Zero?_

Suzaku…his Suzaku…meant just as much.

Hadn't he resolved to fix things? Staring at Suzaku's downcast expression, Lelouch realized there was only one thing to do. Well, there were always multiple options, but he stubbornly cast all other possibilities to the side. Lifting his hand, he brushed his index finger down Suzaku's cheek; the brunet jumped, but the pale boy only shushed him.

Lelouch's brow furrowed as he planned. He might need to make adjustments to his other ambitions, but he was positive he could foster both his rebellion and a relationship. The Black Knights were for Zero, but Suzaku was for him—Lelouch, just plain Lelouch. If he denied both Suzaku and himself any longer, the strain would break them apart worse than Britannia had broken the world. When it came down to it, _he wanted Suzaku_.

And Lelouch _always_ got what he wanted.

It was time to take action.

Suzaku was pulled from his musings when he felt the ebony-haired prince shift closer. He jumped when pale hands hesitantly moved to clutch his shoulder and hip. Looking up, green eyes widened when Lelouch slid even closer until their uniformed chests brushed against each other. Too stunned to move, his own arms hung uselessly at his side. The black-haired boy had always been more reserved when it came to emotion, to touch. Suzaku swallowed, trying to search his friend's face. There was nothing; Lelouch's expression was guarded, as always.

The first peal of thunder rippled across the sky as, without warning, Lelouch leaned in close and softly pressed his lips to the corner of the brunet's mouth. The prince shivered against the soldier's strong frame, blood racing at his own daring. He was ninety-nine-point-eight percent certain that Suzaku felt more than mere friendship for him, but there was always that small margin of error where he was wrong. A few seconds passed, and the dark-haired prince pulled back, forcing himself to meet that inquiring green gaze.

Suzaku froze at the initial contact. Was this really happening? Was Lelouch finally acknowledging this…whatever it was between them? Were their lips really so close? All he had to do was turn his head and they'd be kissing—but no, Lelouch moved too soon. The cool storm breeze chilled his bones, making him more aware of the unwanted space between their bodies.

The brunet soldier began to breathe again, his heart pounding erratically in his chest. Lelouch had just…and Suzaku, known for his quick reflexes, hadn't responded quickly enough… Nervous tingles swept through his body, and anticipation pooled in his stomach. Suzaku lifted his eyes, once more searching those violet irises so very close to his own. He swallowed, noticing the unsure and nervous look now reflected in those purple eyes, so openly out of place on Lelouch's normally arrogant and confident features.

Without a word, the brunet slid his hands up his friend's chest, smiling inwardly at Lelouch's sharp gasp at the action. From there, he skimmed his fingers up the prince's pale, delicate neck until he reached red-tinted cheeks. Cupping the prince's face in his large, tan hands, he quickly guided the other boy's lips to his for a full-on, direct kiss. He reassuringly gazed into his prince's loving violet eyes before his own eyelids slipped shut in pure happiness.

Lelouch sighed against Suzaku's mouth, letting himself relax against the stronger boy. His fingers clenched tighter round the other's shoulder and hip, and he shuffled closer, trying to feel as much of Suzaku as he could. The Japanese boy was so warm against him; the prince's blood was heating from the contact.

More thunder rumbled in the distance, dragging both boys from the haze of affection. The connection between their lips was short-lived as they pulled back simultaneously, acute embarrassment flooding their senses as the realization of the last few moments slammed their minds like lightning.

"Suzaku, I…" Lelouch tried to say, but failed. For someone who relied on always having the right words, he had nothing to say right now. Nothing fitting and appropriate. He could speak in front of millions of people, spouting political injustice, riling his rebellion followers, putting Britannian nobles in their place—but he could not find the right words to express his feelings to Suzaku. Sometimes he overlooked the simplest tactics.

The brunet just smiled and leaned in again, pressing another soft kiss to Lelouch's full lips. He was rewarded with Lelouch's own kiss, and they stood there on the roof, silently exchanging sweet, closed-mouth kisses back and forth, reveling in this newfound pastime that summed up what words at the moment could not. There was a sweet zing to their kisses, prompting them to continuously dive back for more.

The prince slid his arm around the small of the brunet's back, and Suzaku melted a bit more in the older boy's embrace.

Glee swept through Suzaku, and he knew he had to try again to voice his feelings. He could barely wrap his brain around the words he needed, he was so high off Lelouch; luckily, the message he needed was imprinted on his heart. Face shining, he murmured affectionately, "Lelouch, I lo—" He stopped, feeling the prince's cell vibrate between their breasts. Reluctantly, he let go of the ebony-haired boy so Lelouch could dig his phone out of his pocket. With a disappointed sigh, Suzaku glanced at the caller-id, wanting to know just who had interrupted his long-in-coming confession. He blinked at the 'no number' flashing on the screen, and his green eyes flicked questioningly to Lelouch as the prince stepped back, putting unnecessary distance between them.

Lelouch averted his eyes. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "This is important. I have to go."

Suzaku's face fell, but he tried to compose himself before Lelouch looked back his way. He'd automatically assumed they'd spend the night together, sorting out their relationship and getting everything on track for their future happiness. He'd already become used to the sensation of drowning in Lelouch's arms, of clinging to his prince as his anchor in the stormy sea of life.

With one last apologetic glance, Lelouch left his soldier alone just as the rain droplets began to fall.

"I understand," Suzaku whispered to the empty rooftop, even though he really didn't.

*/*

-End Chapter-


	5. Finally

**An unrated version of this story is on my AO3 account (NeoDiji) and linked on my Tumblr (NeoDiji).**

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D

Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. Go read her Undertale comic, _Refuse_. :D

*/*

 _Something Worth Blackmailing_

Alternatively: _Two Boys and Their Love_

*/*

Chapter Five: Finally

*/*

It had been four days. Four long, excruciating days.

Suzaku sighed into his borrowed textbook. No matter what he did, it all came back to—

"—Lelou?"

The brunet straightened and glanced up at Shirley, who was hovering over his desk. "Uh, what?" Suzaku asked, feeling warmth creep up his neck. When had class ended for the day?

"Suzaku, is everything okay between you and Lelou?" Shirley repeated herself, twisting her hands with nervousness. "It's just that—you're avoiding him." She blushed and scrunched her eyes shut, squeaking, "I'm sorry, it's none of my business!" in embarrassment. Starting to turn from side to side, she said in a small voice, "It's just…Lelou does nothing but stare at you."

 _And you do nothing but stare at him_ , Suzaku mentally filled in. "Lelouch and I are fine," the Japanese boy said guardedly. _I can't tell Shirley that Lelouch kissed me! She'd fall apart._ "We're still friends," Suzaku said loudly, watching from the corner of his eye how an obviously eavesdropping Lelouch flinched at that statement.

Shirley's eyes popped open and she breathed a pronounced sigh of relief. "Oh good," she chirped. "I was just a little worried. I'm glad to hear things are okay."

"Sure are," Suzaku said, forcing a laugh. It was killing him inside. Lelouch started to walk towards them, and Suzaku hurriedly explained, "But I gotta get going now. I have work today." Without another glance in the black-haired prince's direction, the brunet pilot hightailed it out of the classroom. He couldn't keep this up for long, and sooner or later, more people besides Shirley would start asking questions.

*/*

"Suzaku?" Cecile sported a puzzled expression as she stared at the young pilot. She hurriedly glanced at the calendar before looking back at the brunet. "You do know you have the afternoon off today, right?" she reminded gently. "Lloyd and I are still analyzing the data from yesterday's run."

With a brisk nod, Suzaku climbed the steps to one of the raised laboratory platforms. "I know, but there's nothing else for me to do," he explained. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "There must be something I can help with."

Cecile frowned. "It's not good to coop yourself up in here," she said, ignoring his offer. She stopped typing on her computer program and rolled her chair back, tilting her head at the brunet as she prodded, "Don't you want to spend time with your friends on the Student Council?"

Suzaku winced, struck by the remembrance of piercing violet eyes. "Ah, n-no," he answered quickly, licking his dry lips. "I mean!" he backtracked, knowing he sounded suspicious but unable to keep from digging his hole deeper, "We're not really planning any major school events, so I don't have to be there or anything." He mentally crossed his fingers, knowing Milly always had some scheme up her sleeve. It was worth the lies to keep away from Lelouch.

"Even so," the researcher pressed, "it's good to be with friends. You're still young; you should enjoy yourself."

"I enjoy helping here," Suzaku answered quickly, forcing a bright smile to his lips. It hurt when it felt like there was nothing left to smile about. His hands shook at the memory of Lelouch's abandonment, so he quickly stuffed them in his uniform pockets. He'd had a constant stomach ache ever since Lelouch had left him on the roof. "So," he said, inwardly cringing at how throaty and scratchy his voice suddenly sounded, "what can I do?" It was then he was aware of the familiar stinging behind his eyes, becoming all the more pronounced as his mind replayed the rooftop scene unbidden—until all he could see was the prince's retreating back, again and again and _again_.

 _I can't stop thinking about him. I need to distract myself._

Cecile's frown deepened as she moved over to the soldier and worriedly felt his forehead. "You're burning up," she said. "Ever since you came home soaked four days ago, you've seemed a little sick. Now your throat sounds sore. I warned you not to push yourself with the Lancelot, and now you're making yourself worse. Honestly, Suzaku, what will it take for you to watch out for yourself?"

Suzaku trembled under her hand. She thought he was sick; did heartache count as genuine illness?

"Come on," Cecile urged. "I'll put you to bed so you can get better." Seeing the brunet's mouth open in protest, she hurriedly said, " _That's_ the best way you can help: by focusing on your health. And don't argue with me!" she warned sternly, her tone backed by almost-motherly warmth. True to her word, she guided him down the stairs to the base floor, through the lab and hallways, and into his military-issued dormitory. Along the way, the researcher fussed about how glazed Suzaku's eyes looked, how pink his cheeks were flushed, and how congested he was with the occasional sniffle.

 _Great_ , Suzaku groaned, _she's reading too much into this and then leaving me alone to rest, and I won't be able to distract myself from…_ Him. Lelouch's captivating violet eyes and windblown black hair, Lelouch's mouth pressed sweetly against his, thunder in the background, Lelouch's kiss again, and again, and again…

A groan slipped past Suzaku's lips, and Cecile paused at the tortured sound. Turning to look fully at her younger friend and co-worker, she saw him transfixed by himself in the mirror.

The brunet pilot shivered; with his reflection mimicking him, it was like he was shaking twice as hard. His insides twisted at the sight of himself—reduced to a ghost of his former self, and wasn't that a feat when he wasn't much to begin with? There were dark bags under his eyes from sleepless nights, and his brown hair stuck up every which way. His skin had lost some of its color, even though his cheeks were burning. His army uniform seemed looser on his solid frame. And the _expression_ etched on his face…

He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to look at himself anymore, and when he opened them he saw Lelouch's face in the mirror instead of his own. Unconsciously, he leaned closer, mesmerized by those deep purple eyes. "Lelouch," Suzaku mouthed silently. He blinked, and suddenly he was seeing himself again, far too close for his own liking. Yelping, Suzaku shut his eyes, stumbled back, and fell against Cecile. He grunted and pressed the heels of his hands hard against his burning eyes, forcing himself to take deep breaths. Opening one eye, he chanced a look up at the mirror and frowned. Lelouch really was just in his head. _Always_.

"Are you all right?" Cecile asked, steering him towards his cot. "You need to rest. I told you that you've been working too hard lately." She pushed him down on his bed, with a force Suzaku would not have expected from her. "Can I get you anything?"

Suzaku gaped at her. "You're too kind," he mumbled. _If you only knew…_ He couldn't bring himself to tell Lloyd and Cecile what had happened. He was so ashamed of how he'd acted—clinging to Lelouch so desperately, overstepping his boundaries, daring to love a royal Britannian prince… No, Suzaku had decided, no one else would know about this. Besides, what could he possibly say? That the boy he was utterly and hopelessly in love with kept sending him mixed signals, and that his weak little heart couldn't take the pressure? Cecile might be the nicest person he could ever work with, but even she could never understand.

Sighing, Cecile swept his bangs out of his eyes—just a comforting gesture. "Suzaku," she said quietly. "If something is bothering you, I hope you know you can always talk to us. Lloyd might be insensitive sometimes, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care for you. And I will always be there for you as well." She waited a moment to see if the teen would speak, and when it became apparent he wouldn't, she went on, "If there's nothing I can get you right now, then I'll be back to check on you in a little bit." With one last soft smile, she left the pilot to his healing.

As soon as she left, as if given permission to brood and cry, Suzaku gathered his knees in his arms and croaked, "I love him. _Still_. What is the matter with me?!" In the privacy of his dorm, after four days of actively trying to forget, Suzaku gave himself over to the pain and anger. The memory of being left alone on that dismal rooftop was stark and clear, and the sharp sense of betrayal he felt at Lelouch's departure was muffled only by confusion. Why had Lelouch kissed him like that—and then left? What made him _keep_ changing his mind? Did he even _want_ a relationship with his boyhood friend?

Suzaku knew he'd only find the answers once he faced Lelouch, but that was something he couldn't bring himself to do just yet. Normally courageous, Suzaku found himself too terrified to act this time—scared of discovering that Lelouch really _didn't_ want to be with him after all. He'd acted multiple times in the recent past, putting himself out there, and it had gotten to the point that it just wasn't worth the resulting heartache time-after-time. There had been regret on the Britannian prince's face as he'd left, but was it regret over kissing Suzaku in the first place or regret over having to leave in the middle of it? Suzaku felt that his hopes had already been snatched from his fingertips too many times to count, and he bitterly reminded himself that he deserved nothing less. Paranoia set in, and Suzaku's frame shook harder as he imagined the worst. Brilliant as the Britannian prince was, perhaps he'd discovered the truth behind Kururugi Genbu's death. Maybe Lelouch didn't mind dating an Eleven, but he'd have good reason to mind dating a _murderer_.

Suzaku choked on his dry sobs and fell over on his side, still holding his knees close to his chest. It felt like there was a Knightmare in his chest, attacking his already-weakened heart with slash harkens. The last time he'd allowed himself to cry over Lelouch had been four days ago…

 _Rain pelted Suzaku at an angle, driven by the harsh wind. His Ashford uniform clung to him like a second skin, and the brunet bitterly mused that at least one of his skins looked Britannian. Tears of frustration welled in his eyes and spilled over to mix with the icy rain splattering the rooftop. His teeth chattered in the freezing cold, but he felt so detached from himself he barely noticed. Lightning flashed, and but a second later, booming thunder shook the roof. The storm had seemed to break over him, and Suzaku knew it was dangerous to be up so high and exposed. The Japanese teen was sure that the storm of emotions in his heart was a worthy competitor for the tempest whipping around him outside, but he was unsure which was more threatening to his wellbeing. Not that he cared._

 _Lelouch had left over an hour ago, but Suzaku couldn't bring himself to move. Would Lelouch come back, or had it all been a cruel joke? Or perhaps a mistake? They'd been_ _ **so**_ _close! Even without Lelouch there, Suzaku felt trapped and rooted by his lingering presence. After all, the roof was Lelouch's top territory. Even though it hurt to be there, it was comforting, too. His hope that Lelouch would return to him dwindled as time went on, and only when the storm had passed into darkness did Suzaku numbly peel himself away from the slippery railing and make his way back to headquarters. By the time he crossed the street, he'd resolved to forget Lelouch. When he came across Lloyd and Cecile, he wasn't crying._

*/*

Suzaku's heart dropped. "Wh-what?" he asked, leaning closer to the blonde president. He carefully kept his gaze from certain _other_ members of the Council, though it took so much willpower he almost missed Milly's repeated announcement.

"We're going to have our Student Council meetings at lunch this month!" the feisty blonde exclaimed with a cheer. She waggled a finger in front of Suzaku's nose, making him go cross-eyed as he tried to focus. "Ah-ah-ah! You're not the only one disappearing. We're missing too many members at the end of the day, so if we meet during lunch then everyone can contribute! We're gonna see how it goes this month and take it from there." She jumped and twirled, her skirt flying in the air around her (Rivalz got a nosebleed), pumping a fist of victory in the air at her genius. "No more skipping out on Council duties 'cause of work!" Milly admonished him, then turned on Lelouch with a sinister smile. "And _you_ …you have no excuse, so you'd better be there at lunch or I'm saving the entire budget for you!" Without waiting for an affirmative, the upperclassman moved to grab Shirley by the arm. "And now you can keep up with the Council while still winning your swim meets!"

Shirley beamed. "Thanks, Madame Pres! You're the best!"

Milly grinned wickedly, acknowledging the praise with a dark little giggle, and dropped Shirley to haul both Lelouch and Suzaku to her chest. Rivalz whimpered at the unfair treatment, clearly envious of how both the other Council boys had their faces pressed into the upper swells of Milly Ashford's breasts. The president continued cackling, the uproarious laughter causing her boobs to jiggle. Arthur flattened his ears at the booming noise.

Suzaku blushed—though more because he was eye-to-eye with the object of his affection (and torment) than because of the very-female breast cushioning his face. Lelouch was gazing at him so intensely from two tits over, and Suzaku's breath hitched at the emotions reflected in those violet irises.

"I'm not letting you two run away this time!" Milly said, tugging both boys a little closer. "You have a lot to make up to me!"

Gulping, Suzaku nodded. He wanted to scream the same words at the vice president, but even though they were closer than they'd been in days—separated only by a fraction of female body—he knew it wasn't the time or place.

Abruptly, Milly released them and stepped back; they both went stumbling—straight into each other. Their foreheads bumped, and that brief painful touch was enough to send Suzaku running.

But of course the escape was futile. Lelouch's words followed the fleeing Japanese down the hallway, heavy with doom and promise: "See you at lunch, Suzaku!"

*/*

"Why don't you use your Geass on him?"

Lelouch whirled around, his face drawn tight with anxiety. "Never!" he answered vehemently, slamming his fist on the desk. Pointedly turning his back on his immortal accomplice, he reached for his cell phone and scrolled through his contacts list; his muscles relaxed once Kururugi Suzaku's name was highlighted in black on the screen. He'd already left innumerable voicemails for the other boy, but so far every single one had been ignored. It made Lelouch's blood boil to the point where he wanted to throw his phone at the wall.

"Do you think it wise to become so obsessive of this boy?" The deadpan voice issued from his bed, and Lelouch stilled his finger before pressing the 'call' button. He tensed again in his chair as the bizarre girl continued, "It doesn't really concern me—unless your involvement with Kururugi keeps you from fulfilling our contract." C.C.'s words had a hint of disguised warning in them, and Lelouch slammed a fist on his desk again, making his laptop rattle; his plans for the Black Knights flickered on the screen.

The Geass contractee finally narrowed his eyes in the witch's direction. She was right; he had to honor their agreement. "You don't have to worry," he said curtly, dropping the phone. "I won't forget." With a forlorn sigh, he saved his files and exited them, finally closing his laptop with a snap. He couldn't focus on the Black Knights now, not with Suzaku tugging at his thoughts.

Golden eyes blinked languidly at the rebel-prince from over the top of a Cheese-kun plushie. "I won't tear you away from your lover boy," C.C. offered, a small little smile curling her lip. Lightly she tacked on, "Not yet, anyway."

Lelouch stiffened, but he had learned not to ask questions to which there would be no answers.

C.C. stared at her contractee for another long moment. "Why?" she asked, genuine puzzlement lacing her tone. At the black-haired boy's inquiring glance, she elaborated, "Why won't you use your Geass?"

Letting out a heavy sigh, Lelouch turned a bit more in his chair. "Because it's _Suzaku,_ " he stressed. "I won't _force_ him to be with me. He has to decide of his own free will."

Raising an eyebrow, C.C. prompted, "You're recycling your reasoning; that same reckoning is why you won't force him to join Zero."

"It's the same concept," Lelouch explained. "I won't have him if it's not what he wants." Frustrated, he kneaded his forehead. His mind replayed the light in Suzaku's eyes, the way his friend so eagerly responded to his advances on the roof. It might have been his imagination, but Lelouch could still taste a hint of Suzaku on his lips. "But that's a problem too because he _does_ want me, I _know_ he does, but he just won't let me in." He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.

"And why is that?"

Lelouch opened his eyes and lifted his chin. "Why is what?" he asked warily.

C.C. let out a dramatic sigh, as if she was dealing with a child, and prompted, "Why is he avoiding you?"

Brow furrowing, Lelouch tapped his fingers against his closed laptop. "I don't know," he said at last. "I know I must have hurt him by leaving, but even so, Suzaku would never run from a confrontation." A corner of his lip turned up in a sardonic smile. "He sought them out when he was a child." A memory of flying fists and snide remarks assaulted him, and he almost missed his companion's remark.

"Ah, but people change." C.C.'s tone was wistful. "Change is the essence of humanity."

"Suzaku _has_ changed," Lelouch admitted. "But he's still no coward."

C.C. quirked an eyebrow. "Then what is he?"

"Difficult."

C.C. shifted and sat up, holding Cheese-kun to her chest. "Then why not use your Geass to nudge him along?" she persisted.

Lelouch gave her one of his patented _looks_. "I already explained why. I will not base a relationship on manipulation and control."

With a glance of slight wondering, C.C. said, "You love him."

The leader of the Black Knights suddenly found his bedroom window to be absolutely _fascinating_. The dying rays of sun fell serenely on a couple potted plants, personally grown in the Student Council garden before being transferred to his windowsill. There was nothing of interest beyond the windowpane, but Lelouch still felt compelled to stare at the fading sunset.

"I see," C.C. mused. "All those girls after you, and you go and fall for the enemy soldier."

Lelouch pursed his lips. "Your comments are unhelpful as always." He hesitated a second before ordering, "You need to leave." Something unpleasant rolled in his stomach, and the prince was surprised to find it was a minor case of guilt.

Tilting her head, C.C. blinked at him again. "Because I'm saying things that hurt your pride?"

"Because you're saying things that are none of your business!" Lelouch corrected harshly, and then amended, "But more so because it isn't safe for you to stay here." He slid to his feet and marched over to his bed, moved to clutch C.C. roughly by the shoulders. "If— _when_ —Suzaku becomes a bigger part of my life, then there'll be no room here for you to hide." They'd already gotten lucky that one morning when Lelouch had doctored Suzaku's wound after the Black Knights' debut; it was best not to push it. He stared intensely into her eyes, his gaze piercing, and repeated, "You cannot stay with me."

C.C. snorted in his face, raising an eyebrow. "It would inconvenience me to leave simply because you can't control your hormones." She held up a hand, obviously anticipating his angered whining. "But I suppose I can sleep in another room in the Clubhouse."

The black-haired student looked to the side. "You can't," he said immediately. "Someone might see you. The Student Council isn't the only group that meets here; the Culture Club—"

Rolling over on the bed, freeing herself easily from his grip, C.C. advised unconcernedly, "Make up your mind." She looked back at him over her shoulder, her arms still wrapped around her damned Pizza Hut prize. "Do you want to cover your tracks or do you want some privacy with that soldier from Shinjuku?"

"Both!" Lelouch snapped, greedily wishing for the best. He glared down at her sprawled form on the mattress. "Things are getting too complicated for you to stay here."

C.C. sighed and flicked her eyes away from his, disinterested. "So selfish," she said. "I have nowhere else to go," she explained simply. "And besides, I'm your accomplice now. We're bound together until our agreement is finalized." She stretched and yawned, her muscles rippling under her white straitjacket; Lelouch carefully averted his gaze. C.C. rolled back on her side, facing away from her current contractee "Good night, Lelouch."

The prince gaped at her. "…It's barely nighttime." A minute shrug of white-clad shoulders was his only response. "You can't—we need to figure out what to do. You're my accomplice. So get off your lazy ass and do something, witch!" Lelouch ordered. He reached out again, but C.C. only shrugged off his hand.

"There's nothing in our contract that says I have to help you figure out your gay love life," C.C. reminded him. "It's your problem; you figure it out."

Lelouch pinched the bridge of his nose, frustration bubbling in his blood. His lungs were getting a good workout from all the coached deep breathing he was doing. "Right now, _you're_ my problem." He abruptly turned his back on her, his fists clenched at his sides. "I never invited you here in the first place."

"You know you'd miss me," C.C. said, and she sounded almost sweet.

Heaving a sigh, Lelouch compromised, "I'll even find somewhere for you to stay. Lazy witch."

C.C. snorted. "I refuse to be stuffed in your closet—or under your bed." One time had been one time too many. A couple lifeless chuckles escaped her. "As much as I support you, I don't want to see you and your soldier boy getting close."

Lelouch willed the blood to leave his face. "Shut up, witch!" he hissed. "I would never—no, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to send you to the Black Knights Headquarters." He smirked, pleased that he'd found a solution. "There's space for you in my private rooms."

"There's one problem with that," C.C. reminded him. "Your pawns don't know about me yet." She rolled onto her stomach. "And besides," she said glibly, "I like it here." She kicked her feet in the air, back and forth and back again.

"Do you have to be so difficult?" he demanded.

"Do you have to ask?" she countered. She looked him square in the eye. "What about using your Geass?"

*/*

Lelouch Lamperouge (vi Britannia) was no stranger to frustration and annoyance. However, rarely did those emotions stem from being _denied_ —especially since he acquired his Geass—and _especially_ not by Kururugi Suzaku (overlooking the whole Britannian military issue, of course). Pale fingers drummed impatiently on the Student Council conference table, purple eyes narrowing as Nina, Milly, Rivalz, Shirley, and even Kallen made their way into the meeting room come lunchtime. Lelouch had taken it upon himself to skip his before-lunch class, just so he could arrive early and—hopefully—snag a few moments alone with his idiotic lover-to-be.

Suzaku _would_ be his. He'd already put the Japanese boy in check.

Only…he hadn't thought Suzaku would run away. Lelouch's forehead crinkled. _Why is he making me chase him?_ He groaned under his breath, the confusion augmenting his frustration. Hadn't he put himself on the line enough? Suzaku would know how hard it had been for him, to open up as he had—to initiate a kiss. Lelouch shook himself out of it before the hazy remembrance could envelope him completely. His gaze sharpened, and he promised himself, "With a few more moves, I'll have him in checkmate. He won't be able to run from me anymore."

"Who are you talking about?" Milly nosily interrupted, leaning a little too far into Lelouch's personal space.

 _She comes out of nowhere!_ Lelouch inwardly grumbled, recoiling from the blonde president's invasion. His lips thinned as he realized he'd spoken aloud before, and he hastily murmured, "No one, Madame Pres." He beamed up at her with a fake but apparently convincing smile, enough so she backed off with a pout.

"I _will_ find out, sooner or later," Milly promised, and the ex-prince shivered.

Rivalz rolled his neck until he was looking at the pair. Making puppy-eyes, he simpered, "Aw man, you've got another new opponent? And you didn't _tell_ me?"

Lelouch tilted his head with a put-on sheepish smile. "Sorry. I didn't think you'd go for this sort of thing. Not really your style." _But thanks for the out, Rivalz._ Ignoring his friend's spurts of protest, Lelouch swept his gaze over the room. Milly was ignoring Rivalz's hurt and pleading expression—and really, those eyes were always for her benefit anyway—while Nina typed away at her ever-present computer, while Kallen hid a yawn beneath her hand, and while Shirley dangled string in front of Arthur. _Where_ _ **is**_ _he?_ Lelouch screamed silently.

It was safe to say he was at his wit's end.

It had been five days since he'd left Suzaku on the rooftop, dragged away by his duties as Zero. It had been five days since he'd made up his mind to pursue a relationship with his childhood friend. It had been five days since he had been able to relax and enjoy himself, caught by Suzaku's lips under a rolling thundercloud. And it had been five days of _trying_ to talk to Suzaku, of signaling him with his shirt collar to meet on the roof so he could explain himself, and being blocked at every turn.

It was Shirley who blocked his vision now, standing between him and the door, with her hands on her hips. "Lelou, I really wish you'd stop gambling! You promised!"

The door slid open, and Suzaku slipped inside. His apologetic smile faltered as his eyes momentarily clashed with Lelouch's, glittering dark with unspoken promise, and he stopped mid-bow at Nina's fearful and scandalized gasp at his cultural greeting. "Sorry," he mumbled with a shrug. "Habit."

Lelouch's gaze stayed locked on Suzaku as the Japanese teen sat down at the opposite end of the table. Still addressing Shirley, the incognito prince soothed, "Don't worry. I _always_ keep my promises." A tiny prickle of satisfaction coursed through him as Suzaku jumped in his seat, obviously understanding that Lelouch's words were meant for him and him alone.

*/*

"That's a wrap!" Milly called, closing her budget notebook with a snap. "Good job, everyone! I really think this lunchtime meeting is helping us get everything done."

Lelouch snorted. "You can't tell that after only two days, Madame President."

"GUTS!" the blonde yelled, grabbing the nearest pile of paperwork—which so happened to be the one Suzaku was arranging by class—and used it to bang her vice president's head. The papers went flying, and everyone in the room stopped to stare at a hard day's work demolished. "Oops," Milly said, a little guiltily, and then frivolously waved her hand. "Lelouch and Suzaku can take care of this. Everyone else can go to afternoon classes."

Suzaku's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head, and Lelouch stifled a sigh at how apprehensive the other boy still was of him. Was talking this out really so hard and frightening?

"It'll be okay," Shirley comforted. "We'll tell the teachers what happened." She evidently attributed Suzaku's near-panic to missing class.

"Why me?" the Honorary Britannian asked weakly.

Before Milly could interject, Lelouch seized his chance, earning Suzaku's direct attention for the first time in too-many days. "Because it's _your_ stack of paperwork that's all over the floor now."

Suzaku gaped at him, and even though his expression was incredulous, Lelouch's heart soared because Suzaku was finally—finally— _looking_ at him.

"That's right," Milly declared. "And I'm leaving Lelouch to help since he dared to question me." She winked at the two duty-laden boys. "Really, Suzaku, you should be gracious of my kindness."

The brown-haired youth leapt to his feet. "I am! But honestly, Le-Lelouch can go on to class. I don't mind. It was my fault anyway."

A slim eyebrow rose over the royal's left eye. "Your fault?" he demanded quietly, icily. Suzaku was turned away again, predictably so, but Lelouch plowed on. " _Nothing_ is your fault." Green eyes snapped back to his for an instant, and the prince took courage from that brief contact. He rose gracefully to his feet and stepped nearer the other boy, stopping when the Japanese stiffened from much-too-close proximity. "Stop blaming yourself," Lelouch said softly, the undercurrent of meaning clear through his tone. His words were punctuated by the sliding door, already separating them from the rest of the world as the other Council members left unnoticed.

Suzaku bent over to gather some loose papers, and Arthur's ears perked at him from beneath the table. "I don't know what else to think," he finally forced out, knowing the real topic of discussion was what happened a week ago. It sounded like there was something jagged caught in his throat.

Lelouch frowned pointedly, his heart twisting. "It wasn't you," he insisted, stepping even closer. "You need to let me explain. We can figure things out from there."

"I don't want to listen to your excuses," Suzaku choked out, shooting the prince an angry scowl. His eyes were dark, shiny-green. He spun around and slammed his hands flat on the conference table; Arthur scuttled from beneath as the wood shuddered. "Lelouch, I would rather be Synclair Worth's punching bag for a _decade_ than have another afternoon like seven days ago." His voice trembled, and his gaze was fixed on the wood grain under his fingers.

 _Anything so he won't have to look at me_ , Lelouch figured. He winced. _But at least he is finally opening up._ Suzaku's confession processed, and Lelouch felt his chest constrict just a little tighter. _It wasn't_ _ **all**_ _bad!_ "I really have hurt you _that_ bad, haven't I?" the prince said regretfully. He swept Arthur into his arms and offered him to the brunet, using the cat as a sort of perverse impromptu peace offering. Arthur snarled at Suzaku's questing hand, and the Japanese teen retreated even farther from the action. Lelouch was quick to drop the cat after that and, ignoring Arthur's hiss, followed his crush with a soft but unyielding, "Look, Suzaku, I'm _sorry_ for that. I've been trying to tell you this whole time that I—" He paused, swallowing thickly. "Anyway, I already apologized. I've been trying to for days."

Suzaku sucked in a breath, his eyes softening for a moment. "Lelouch…"

"I didn't want to leave you," Lelouch murmured raggedly. "I still don't." Violet eyes shone with sincerity, and the prince reached to tenderly cup the other boy's face.

Suzaku seemed to melt at the confession—before tearing himself away and retreating to the other side of the table. His voice was strained as he bit out, "Stop it, Lelouch. I can't trust—after all the jerking around—" He broke off abruptly, covering his eyes.

Immediately, Lelouch's heart twisted further. _Oh, Suzaku._ He started to follow and reach out his hand, then pulled back before he made contact with Suzaku's shoulder. His fingers ended up in a fist over his left breast, and it was a little harder to breathe. _I've broken him this time. I'm no better than Britannia!_ Dismayed and humbled, the prince cleared his throat. "I didn't mean—"

"And now you're going to give me empty promises," Suzaku predicted, still hiding his face. His shoulders trembled. "You're going to give me hope that there can be something between us after all, and then you're going to snatch it away and retreat behind your walls. Like my feelings for you are some kind of sick joke or—or g- _game_ …"

Lelouch gasped sharply, frozen in shock. _I don't think that at all. How can I get through to you?_

Working himself up, Suzaku finally lifted his face free from his hands. Angry tears still glittered in his eyes as his voice cracked raw around the words: "You don't get to toy with me, Lelouch. I'm not just some chess piece you can manipulate; I'm a human being." Suzaku hesitated for a split second, losing some of his resolve, before he finished reprovingly, "I thought you were the only person in this school who understood that." He turned his head again, unable to meet the other boy's eyes.

 _Ouch, that stung. But at least_ _he is finally talking and sticking up for himself now. That's a step in the right direction._ Flinching at the slew of accusations finally spilling from the other boy's mouth, Lelouch admitted wryly, "I guess I deserved that."

"You think?" Suzaku shot back bitterly.

With a rueful smile, Lelouch slid into a seat and tugged Suzaku down next to him; he didn't release his friend's hand. _I'm not letting you run away this time_. "I know you're upset," the black-haired boy acknowledged, "but you're not the only one hurting."

Suzaku snatched his appendage from Lelouch's skin as if burned. "Stop pretending that you give a damn. And more than that, stop acting like you're the victim here, Lelouch, because the last time I checked, _you_ were the one turning your back on us!"

Lelouch gaped at him, for once struggling to get the words out. _Suzaku's on a roll. I don't know whether to be proud or upset_. He felt both regardless. Finally, licking his lips, he bowed his head and muttered, "You're wrong."

"Of course I am. You always have to be right," Suzaku pointed out scathingly. He reached down for some stray papers and scooted his chair farther away from the other's. "Look, I really don't want to have this conversation anymore, Lelouch," he said, voice like steel. "To be honest, I'm having a really hard time even looking at you right now." He started to organize papers, paused, reconsidered, and gathered himself through forced words, "Of course, we can still be civil when we have to work together."

Lelouch roughly dragged his hands across his eyes. "So that's it, then?" he pressed. "I've listened to you, but you're not going to let me explain my side?" _You need to know it wasn't on purpose!_ Irritation drained from his face. _This is my fault. I made him like this._ He took another deep breath. "There are things I need to tell you, and we both owe it to each other to figure things out." Arthur yowled his agreement.

"Right," Suzaku agreed sarcastically. "You mean like earlier?" Before Lelouch could answer, he continued in a faux-pleasant tone, "And what will it be this time—another phone call or a forgotten appointment that interrupts us?" His papers ripped from the amount of pressure he was exerting on them, and Suzaku growled.

Lelouch could relate to his frustration; it felt like everything kept breaking around them. Shaking his head, a somber expression on his face, the raven-haired Britannian said, "Nothing will get in our way—"

"Save it for someone who cares," Suzaku cut in, shutting his eyes in a clear desperate attempt to block the tears and keep up with his strong façade; it was a futile effort, however, since the prince could see straight through him. "Stop pretending you know me so well!" He held a hand up, palm out in Lelouch's direction. "I already told you that I don't want to hear it." His heart was thumping so loud that Lelouch could hear the lie.

"I _do_ know you, Suzaku," Lelouch stressed. "You _do_ care or you wouldn't be here!" He leaned in closer to the other boy. _We still have a chance if you'd just_ _ **listen**_ _for once!_

Suzaku leaned away, but he didn't bolt from his chair.

"So stop lying to me," Lelouch argued. "Stop lying to _yourself_." His gaze was determined, and he lifted his hand again; Suzaku turned abruptly away, smoothly evading pale fingers.

"I can't," Suzaku mumbled. One tear spilled over. "This is the only way I can…" His breath hitched, and switching focus, he begged, "Can't we just forget it ever happened?"

There was horror tinged with anguish, anger, and disbelief in Lelouch's expression at the suggestion. "No! I never meant to hurt you," he said, a bit brokenly. "I understand why you'd think—but no, you're wrong. You _need_ to listen to me." Before the brunet soldier could protest again, the prince reached over and shushed him with a pale index finger against his lips. Surprisingly enough, the younger boy stilled at the contact. Rushing to take advantage of the opportunity, Lelouch emphasized, "You're not a chess piece to me, Suzaku. You never were. What happened on the roof was a misunderstanding, and I admit I handled it poorly." He stopped to take a breath. _I never acknowledge my mistakes so openly, so surely he has to realize how serious I am about him?_

Suzaku blinked, but he at least seemed to be listening instead of fighting. He was slowly coming around.

Lelouch inwardly smirked. _Checkmate_. "Kissing you wasn't a mistake," the Britannian teen clarified, starting to trace the other boy's lips with his conveniently placed finger. Suzaku jerked slightly at the motion, but didn't pull away. "To be honest, I've wanted to kiss you for a while now," the prince confessed, flicking his hooded gaze between his best friend's eyes and mouth. "I never wanted to leave you. Something important came up at the last minute there, but I should have made sure you knew where I stood before leaving. I know I hurt you, and again, I'm sorry." _I never apologize either. The things I do for this boy!_

Nodding, Suzaku opened his mouth, but no sounds came out as Lelouch leaned in and gently rested their foreheads together. His free hand moved to brush through brown curls at the base of the soldier's neck, and Suzaku's hands lifted uncertainly to rest on Lelouch's shoulders. The brown-haired boy finally sighed and let his eyelids flutter shut, giving in to the peaceful cocoon that was slowly replacing the awkward tension and anger. At long last, he whispered searchingly, "So you _do_ want to do this?"

"Yes." Lelouch's immediate answer was just as hushed and sacred. His hand slid slowly down from Suzaku's lips to rest over his left breast.

Heart thumping wildly beneath the prince's hand, Suzaku questioned, "And you _mean_ it this time?" He opened his eyes to gauge the other's sincerity.

Lelouch nodded against him, a genuine smile on his face. "I always meant it," he answered lowly—huskily.

Suzaku dropped his head against the other boy's shoulder, burying his face in the crook of a pale neck as he started to shake. The prince's arms were around him then, holding him tenderly, keeping him in one piece. Suzaku returned the embrace wholeheartedly, letting Lelouch support and steady him.

"Suzaku," Lelouch murmured again, and the brunet seemed surprised at the emotion contained in those three syllables—the sounds of his _name_. The prince stood and drew the soldier to him purposefully, bringing the lengths of their bodies into close contact. They both sighed at the sparks skittering down their spines, at the tingles emanating from wherever they were pressed intimately together—at the immense relief that they were once again on the same page, where they belonged. Lelouch just _knew_ that Suzaku felt what he felt, and he was never wrong.

Pressing closer, the soldier lifted his head. Green eyes searched purple for any hint of trickery, but found only true warmth and affection. Relaxing even more, he started to back the prince up against a wall until he had him pinned.

Lelouch guided him slowly out of view of the windows, stopping once they were hidden from the public behind Arthur's cat tree—so he could press a hard kiss to Suzaku's lips. He pulled back rather quickly, hesitant in this newness, and Suzaku swayed as the dark-haired prince invited, "Stay for dinner?"

*/*

Suzaku's hands were sweating as he sat on the couch—in the same seat he'd taken after his first dinner at the Lamperouge suite, all those weeks ago, when the feelings he had for his best friend were just beginning to grow into something special. He nervously wiped his palms on his pants. Of course "staying for dinner" didn't mean just _dinner_. He almost jumped out of his skin when Lelouch sank gracefully onto the cushion next to him, sidling so close their sides pressed intimately together. Suzaku inhaled sharply, focusing dizzily on the heat seeping into his body from where he was snug against the other boy. He felt Lelouch against him every time he breathed.

"I'm glad you're here," the black-haired boy said softly. He reached for the brunet's hand, but Suzaku quickly pulled it away.

"Don't," the pilot warned. "It's—"

"—sweaty?" Lelouch finished for him, catching hold of his friend's hand regardless. He squeezed the tan appendage extra tight, looking Suzaku straight in the eye. "I don't mind," he said firmly. The slight grimace on his face belied his words, but the conviction in his eyes was clear to read. "I'll live," the prince amended with dry humor, shifting so his body leaned further into Suzaku's. "Besides," he continued, "I'm going to have to contend with worse once this relationship progresses."

Both boys immediately blushed at the forwardness of Lelouch's words, but neither released the other's hand.

Suzaku looked up, caught Lelouch's eye, and hurriedly looked away. His face was _burning_ and it felt like time was moving in both slow motion and fast forward. Nervous tingles swept over his body from head to toe, and he had to remind himself that this was _really_ happening. Lelouch had referenced their "relationship," and they were sitting together, holding hands on the couch. Suzaku shivered. His spine was straight and locked in place, and the pounding in his ears matched the thrumming of his heart. Lelouch's home looked the same as always, but it felt different today—alien somehow.

Being near Lelouch felt different too, and not entirely in the good way.

For a fleeting moment, Suzaku wondered if he had made a mistake. He'd finally gotten what he'd wanted, so why did it feel so damn _awkward?_ This was _Lelouch!_ He wanted nothing more than to bury his face in his hands and scream out his frustration, but he had no privacy. Also one of his hands was still grasped securely by Lelouch's, so that would be rather difficult. "What now?" he whispered, his throat dry and scratchy. The world felt perilously close to toppling in on itself at the sound of his voice.

Lelouch shifted uneasily, and Suzaku relaxed somewhat at the revelation that Lelouch was just as nervous and uncomfortable. The prince shrugged, looking at Suzaku out his peripheral vision. "Talk?" he suggested. "Practice?"

"Practice what?" Suzaku asked, feeling his face grow even hotter. Lelouch's cheeks, too, were as pink as Suzaku had ever seen them, and the Japanese soldier's doubts melted away at the sudden urge to discover whatever _else_ made the refined prince so undone.

Lelouch cleared his throat and glanced up at the ceiling. "You know," he said vaguely. He gestured _wildly_ with his free hand, then stared at Suzaku with an expectant look.

Suzaku laughed, the sound too loud in his own ears. "…You know I have _no idea_ what all that was supposed to mean, right?" he asked.

"You don't?" Lelouch asked blandly. He tilted his chin down and stared hard at the floor, carefully avoiding Suzaku's eyes. His fingers flexed in the Japanese boy's hold. Taking a deep breath, he released it and sank back into the cushions. "Stop being an idiot," he ordered gently, his low voice still directed at the floor. "You're the one person in the world who can read me so well. Considering the situation we're in, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what I meant. Put it together."

Embarrassment washed over Suzaku at the implications, and he hurriedly followed Lelouch's gaze. He swallowed thickly and hastily said, "In the meantime, let's have that talk." He squirmed, feeling the blood rush to his head. Doubts and fears ran rampant through his mind, but they were suppressed by the overwhelming euphoria that Lelouch had said _yes_. He couldn't compare the feeling to anything he'd experienced before. Glancing up, the brunet squared his jaw and stared at the side of his best friend's face. " _Why_ did you leave me on the roof last week? I'll listen to anything you have to say."

Lelouch visibly flinched. "I told you. I…had something to take care of," he responded shortly. "It was important."

The pilot pursed his lips in a disbelieving frown. "That's it?" he asked, unimpressed. Righteous anger coursed through him. "That's your whole explanation? That's not an answer at all!" He turned his body more so it faced the other boy. "If we're going to do…this," he said, waving his hand around—in a much less elaborate way than Lelouch had earlier—"then you have to give me something more."

"You should trust me," the prince countered. "There are some things I have to keep to myself, Suzaku. I know there are things in your life you don't want me prying into, so please give me that same respect." He lifted his head, purple eyes heavy with gravity.

Suzaku gulped, knowing the other's words to be true. His father's dying scream echoed in his head, and the brunet nodded without really considering his options. "Of course, Lelouch. But at the same time…" He fidgeted again and finally caught his friend's eye. "I still need more of an explanation. I deserve to know." A heavy sigh escaped his lips. "You should trust me with some of your secrets. We _are_ best friends, after all."

Lelouch chuckled, and though Suzaku had heard him laugh often enough before, this time it sent a thrill down his spine. The prince's expression was caught between a smirk and a smile as he overly-innocently asked, "We are?" He squeezed Suzaku's hand in his and said, "I was more under the impression that we were boyfriends now."

Suzaku knew it was a distractive maneuver, but he honestly couldn't help it. His heart was beating so fast and his head was swimming. A pleasant heat swept over him, and before he knew what he was doing, he'd already leaned in and lightly caught Lelouch's lips with his. His eyes opened wide once he'd realized what he'd done, and he pulled back with a quiet mumble of, "I'm sor—" but was quickly silenced as the dark-haired prince followed him back, reconnecting their lips so firmly that Suzaku fell backwards on the couch. Lelouch's body automatically followed suit, and Suzaku's mind spun with the fact that his best friend—his _boyfriend_ —was lying on top of him on the couch, _kissing_ him, holding his face, kissing him _harder_ …

He couldn't help it. He moaned.

Lelouch pulled back, panting heavily. "You've…nothing to…apologize for," he chastened between puffs of air. Violet eyes pierced his, and Lelouch offered, "I received a phone call the other day that I had to take. It was about something you wouldn't approve of, but nothing you need to worry about. I know what I'm doing." He took another deep breath, clearly trying to get himself under control. "It involves other people, so there's not much I can tell you without betraying _their_ trust. Really, Suzaku, I wish I could tell you more, but I can't. I don't know what else to say."

"Huh?" Suzaku groaned, his head still fuzzy from Lelouch's touch. His mind snapped back into gear, and he speedily processed his boyfriend's explanation. _He says he can't, but at least he's_ _ **trying**_ _to give me something more._ His eyes narrowed with suspicion. "This is about your gambling, isn't it?" he pressed, voice sour but still hoping that was true. It was better than the alternative his mind kept tossing around—like maybe Lelouch being caught up in the Black Knights or something similar…

Lelouch shrugged, a superior smirk adorning his face. "You caught me," he admitted freely. "But I can't tell you more than that."

Suzaku gritted his teeth, despite the slight ease of worry that swept through him at the older boy's admission. _I'm being paranoid_. It was freeing to rid himself of his suspicions, but at the same time… "I don't like this."

The dark-haired boy looked to the side. "I'm not asking you to. Trust me, Suzaku, the less you know, the happier you'll be." Leaning down, he laid his head on the brunet's shoulder, his breath steadily fanning the younger boy's tan neck. "It truly was an important call. I never would have left you otherwise," he said softly, his mouth angled towards Suzaku's ear.

Wrapping his arms snugly around the older boy, Suzaku sighed and wondered, _More important than me—than us?_ "All right. I see that's the best I'm going to get." He hugged Lelouch closer. It wasn't enough, but at least they were moving forward. Suzaku's breath caught, and before he could help himself, he begged, "Do you _really_ mean it, though, that you want this— _me_?" His insecurities really cropped up at the worst times. He shivered, and he knew Lelouch felt it above him. "I mean, you're not going to change your mind again, are you?" There was a desperate, pleading note in his voice, and Suzaku cringed at the sound.

Lelouch pushed himself up on his elbows and stared down at Suzaku's face. "I promise," he intoned, his words laced with sincerity, "and I swear I'll prove it." He swept his hair out of his eyes as he explained, "At first, I thought it wasn't a good idea. You and me. But I always _wanted_ it to happen, and even if it's not the smartest decision I've made, it's one I'll never regret."

"What? Not the smartest…" Suzaku looked hurt.

A warm smile graced Lelouch's lips as he elaborated, "What I mean is, when you think about it, you and I don't seem like we would work. There are so many complications. But when it comes down to it, and it took me some time to realize this, the feelings I have for you are strong enough to overcome any obstacles." Tracing slender, pale digits down Suzaku's cheek, Lelouch clutched the other boy's chin and lowered himself down for another kiss.

Suzaku moaned happily in the back of his throat as he let his lips be captured, Lelouch's name leaving his mouth in a satisfied little sigh. His eyes were gleaming with delight at the emotion in his boyfriend's confession, and his cheeks were warming up. Tilting his head further into the other boy's touch, Suzaku reciprocated Lelouch's affection. His hands clenched in the fabric of the black-haired student's uniform, and his pulse raced each time Lelouch's lips moved differently against his. He lost track of time, so caught up in the feeling of his _boyfriend's_ kisses, made sweeter by the mere fact that this was _Lelouch_ initiating things again, and Suzaku felt his heart soar higher with each new kiss. Automatically, the locked words finally tumbled free from his tongue amidst kisses—"I love you, Lelouch"—and the prince stopped short, pulling back just far enough to read into Suzaku's eyes.

"I know," Lelouch murmured softly. He cupped Suzaku's cheek with his hand, his thumb gently tracing the brunet's kiss-swollen lips. "Just as you must know how I feel about you."

Suzaku's breath caught. "I—" His eyelids fluttered closed, and he just let himself revel in Lelouch's weight atop him. Relief surged through him that Lelouch hadn't turned away at such a heavy confession, highlighted by disappointment that, despite the positive reaction, the prince hadn't returned the sentiment. "I want to hear you say it," Suzaku appealed, a bit demandingly. Lelouch _owed_ him, dammit. He felt the older boy adjust his position above him, and then he felt Lelouch's breath hitting his sensitive earlobe.

"So difficult," the prince teased before consenting. His words meant for Suzaku alone, Lelouch confessed, "I love you, too. _Aishiteru_ , Kururugi Suzaku." Pulling back, he scoffed, "As if _that_ wasn't obvious by now."

Not even Lelouch's sarcasm could spoil this moment for Suzaku, especially after the meaningful _Japanese_ love confession. Opening his eyes, he saw his boyfriend's usual smirk in place, but there was something soft around the edges that drew Suzaku's attention. He leaned up and kissed that smirk right off Lelouch's face.

*/*

They'd been kissing on and off for over an hour, punctuating lip locks with questions and consent and cuddling and nuzzling and sweet nothings—which in Lelouch's case sounded oddly enough like chess metaphors.

("I've captured you at last, Suzaku, my main piece. Together we'll sweep the board."

"I'm not a chess piece, Lelouch, remember?"

"Oh, not even in this context?"

"Ugh, okay, fine. Go ahead. It was sweet…for you.")

It was awkward but exhilarating and Lelouch never, ever wanted it to stop.

"I never thought you'd be so…affectionate," Suzaku mused as Lelouch pressed his face gently into the former's neck, dropping dry kisses here and there.

The Britannian pulled back, eyes wide. Embarrassment and a tinge of shame made him hot all over, and he flinched. Clearing his throat, he offered, "I can stop if it bothers you."

Suzaku shook his head right away, smiling reassuringly up at him. "No, I like it. I just wasn't expecting it from you, Mr. Ice Prince."

Lelouch immediately raised an eyebrow at the nickname, and he chuckled sardonically. "I suppose I do have that reputation, don't I? But," and here he stopped, reaching out to cup Suzaku's face in his palm before continuing, "it's different with _you_." He and Suzaku had always had a close comradery that sometimes resulted in simple affection—intentionally brushing up against each other, leaning on one another, resting heads on the other's shoulders, and just generally being all up in each other's business where outsiders weren't allowed. It simply made sense to the logical Britannian that their displays of affection would grow and change as they entered into a more romantic relationship.

"Yeah, but it just doesn't seem like you," Suzaku explained with a mild shrug. He leaned into the prince's touch. "I'm not complaining, though."

Frowning, Lelouch mumbled, "I thought I was supposed to…" _Isn't that how this relationship deal works?_

Suzaku's brow furrowed at that and he protested, "Lelouch, you don't _have_ to do anything. You don't need to overcompensate to be my boyfriend. Just be yourself. That's who _I'm_ here for."

Lelouch blinked rapidly as he processed that.

"I know you're normally reserved," Suzaku added. "I don't want you changing yourself for me." His face turned pleading.

Shaking his head, Lelouch felt his cheeks heat up. The embarrassment grew stronger as he admitted, "It's true that normally I'm not one for casual touching. But, alone with you, like this, there's the fact that I…well, I…" As what usually happened around Suzaku, Lelouch forgot how to master language, even as his thoughts were racing. _I can't believe it either, but I like it._ _You feel so safe and amazing._

Suzaku raised an expectant eyebrow.

Lelouch coughed and looked at the wall before saying in a rush, "I admit it. I enjoy it, okay? I don't get to do this with anyone else. I mean, I've never _wanted_ this with anyone else. Just you. I really, _really_ want this with you, Suzaku." Gathering his resolve, he explained further in slightly slowed-down speech, "I trust you enough to let loose with you. That is, there's never been anyone else I've felt comfortable letting my guard down around to engage in this kind of affection..." Trailing off, he swept a hand through his hair, glancing at Suzaku's eyes briefly before finishing, "Anyway, we're boyfriends now, which gives us a little more freedom with what we can do together—if _you're_ okay with that—and I just want to satisfy this need and keep touching you, Suzaku, in any way I can." As soon as he said the words, he blanched and followed up with, "Oh, wait, that came out perverted and disturbing. Let me rephrase that. Um…"

Suzaku gaped at him throughout the prince's typical speech-length answer, mouth falling open. "Le…louch…" he said. "I understand what you mean. Yeah, I'm comfortable. I said I liked it. And, I like getting to see a side of you that you don't show anyone else." He shivered. Color rose in his cheeks as he confessed, "It…it feels good when you touch me…"

Lelouch breathed a sigh of relief, feeling his heart race at the younger boy's words. He felt better knowing Suzaku seemed to be just as uncomfortable with the awkward parts of re-defining their relationship. Smirking outwardly to showcase his control, he concluded, "Then I'll have to keep touching you so we both stay satisfied."

Jerking a little, Suzaku's green eyes darkened with want. "Lelouch," he said, his voice hushed.

"It feels good…when you touch me, too," the prince shared, fidgeting a little on top of the brunet. It was easier to say that out loud since Suzaku had said it first. "I…I like it…when you're affectionate with me…" He felt ashamed for a moment, as if he was throwing away his masculinity to admit something of that nature. But he _did_ enjoy when Suzaku kissed him, or nuzzled his ear, or stroked his face. It felt damn nice being cherished in such a manner, almost like it was filling in a hole he hadn't known existed since his mother had died. He still would never allow such intimate touches from anyone else, but since it was Suzaku, his heart soared.

The brunet smiled up at him nonjudgmentally, eyes twinkling with a happiness that had been absent for far too long, in Lelouch's opinion. Lifting his chin, the soldier chuckled and promised, "Okay, then I'll keep touching you in return. That'll be easy. I've always been a more tactile person and I've wanted to be closer to you for the longest time. I'll take any chance I can to jump on that." He brushed his fingers up the Britannian's cheek and behind his ear, following the curve of his jaw back down.

Lelouch shivered at the touch, excitement bubbling up at the loving caress. It almost tickled. It was funny how doing a motion to himself didn't cause a single reaction, but when Suzaku did the same motion, suddenly his body generated all kinds of tingles. "Good," the prince replied. "I expected you to be touchy-feely, so I'm glad you're confirming my predictions." Life was good when Lelouch found himself proven right. He leaned down to catch his boyfriend's lips with his, holding the other boy's face firmly but tenderly in his hands.

Thus started another round of kissing, nuzzling, and chess-related sweet nothings. ("Come occupy my square.") They were a bit more open than at first, having pushed through their first awkward discussion about something they liked.

"How long do we…do this for…?" panted Suzaku after awhile, staring red-faced at his Britannian boyfriend.

Lelouch cocked his head and pulled back. "However long we want," he guessed. "Are you already tired of kissing?"

" _Never!_ " Suzaku exclaimed. "I just…wasn't sure how it all…" He shrugged. "You know, worked."

Lelouch's lips creased in a smile. "You're worrying too much about the technicalities, Suzaku," he pointed out, artfully ignoring how he'd just had the exact same problem. "It's just you and me, like always." He nimbly swept the back of his fingers along the Japanese teen's cheek. It was endearing how flustered Suzaku had become, and Lelouch relished the power he held over the other boy.

The brunet shook his head, kindly not calling the older boy out but still insisting, "It's _not_ like 'always.' And the fact that it's _you_ , Lelouch, _makes_ it a big deal!" Green eyes were stretched wide and frantic.

Violet eyes rolled upward. Case in point. "You're the one _making_ it a big deal," the black-haired teen pointed out. He let out an exasperated sigh, then cut his newly-established boyfriend off with a kiss. He froze, feeling something wet poke at his slightly puckered lips, and was Suzaku's mouth open? Lelouch pulled away to stare wide-eyed at the boy below him. "What are you doing?"

Suzaku blinked up at him and countered, "Now who's making a big deal out of things?"

Lelouch shook his head, his hair swinging from the motion. "This is different. Was that your tongue?" He felt dizzy at the thought of Suzaku's tongue in his mouth.

"Well," and here Suzaku looked a little unsure of himself, "yes." A new light entered his eyes. His jaw locked determinedly and he stared at the Britannian sprawled on his chest. "That's part of how boyfriends kiss."

Both teens blushed a little harder.

"It felt weird," Lelouch admitted. He ran his fingers through his hair and glanced to the side, feeling his heart rate pick up now that he was _thinking_ about doing things with Suzaku. Even for him, it was easier in this situation to bury himself in action, to just kiss his childhood friend and not _think_ about kissing his childhood friend because it felt too surreal.

"Weird," Suzaku agreed, "but _bad_?"

Lelouch looked at the other's earnest face. "I'm not sure," he said cautiously. "Let's try it again, and then I'll let you know."

Suzaku nodded and pulled the Britannian down, slipping his tongue into Lelouch's waiting cavern. One hand slid around to cup the prince's nape, to hold him close and position his head for easier access. Lelouch was trembling something fierce in Suzaku's arms, and the brunet's lips curved up in a possessive smile around both their tongues as they started to lightly massage each other.

 _It's not_ _ **that**_ _bad_ , Lelouch concluded. _His tongue is a little rough, not what I'd have expected._ He shifted and sighed, letting himself slump over his boyfriend's form. _I could get used to this._ He jerked as his boyfriend's tongue twined around his, and his thoughts were reduced to— _oh!_

Suzaku sighed pleasantly beneath him and retracted his tongue, turning his head to the side to gently break their contact. His green eyes were bright and glassy as they stared up at Lelouch. "Better?" he asked softly, his voice warm and heady.

Numbly, Lelouch nodded. "It felt…nice," he said, a little shyly and inelegantly. The entire process had lasted less than ten seconds.

Blinking, Suzaku tilted his head on the couch cushion. His eyes narrowed playfully as he promised, "I'll do better than 'nice' next time."

"Now?" the Britannian asked hopefully, then blushed at his eagerness. He didn't want Suzaku to think him uncool or impatient. It felt odd, caring about another person's opinion of him so deeply. He calmed as he reminded himself that this was _Suzaku_ , and his normal rules didn't apply.

But Suzaku just laughed lightly, completely open-minded. "If you want," he replied, just as quickly, just as keenly. Hungry excitement washed over his expression.

Lelouch nodded jerkily, feeling his stomach clench with nerves and anticipation. Taking the initiative, he rushed to press his lips to Suzaku's. He opened his mouth immediately without being prodded—and froze. _What do I do now?_ he panicked internally. _Do I stick my tongue in his mouth first this time or wait for him to start it again? What does he want me to do? Should I slide my tongue back and forth against his or try that twining trick he used on me? If he did it, does that mean that's what he likes and expects me to do from now on? There are so many more possibilities with open-mouth kissing. I need to be ready_. His breathing accelerated as he stiffened further, clumsily mashing his face against his new boyfriend's. _He's not doing anything. Am I doing something wrong? Maybe he's waiting on me. But how can I plan my moves in advance if I don't know what he's thinking? Surely there's some book or something that can tell me: What should I do?_

After a long moment of waiting, Suzaku slowly pushed him back. "Lelouch," he murmured, voice and eyes both questioning and concerned. "You're so tense all of a sudden. What's wrong?"

Lelouch looked guiltily to the side, feeling his cheeks heat up more. "I just…" _I don't know how to kiss and I don't know how to tell you._ Who knew kissing was so hard? He wished someone had warned him—preferably a long time ago so he'd be more prepared for his current situation. How could he direct a ragtag group of frankly unskilled terrorists to win skirmishes against the mightiest empire in the world but _not_ have mastered open-mouth kissing?

Suzaku watched him patiently.

The prince coughed self-consciously. "That is, I…" _Suzaku_ , _I_ _ **really**_ _want to kiss you. I'll learn and then I'll kiss you forever once I know what to do_.

Suzaku sighed and smoothly guided his boyfriend's face to look at him. "Lelouch," he said fondly, "I think I know what the problem is. You're thinking too much about your next move. This is _kissing_ , not _chess_." With a warm chuckle, he advised, "Listen to your body. Follow your instincts."

"That's easy for you to say," the raven-haired boy snapped defensively. He knew that Suzaku had done nothing but train and listen to his body for years. "You've always had killer instincts."

Suzaku flinched sharply at the words, a hard look entering his eyes.

At once, Lelouch softened. "I didn't mean—I just—"

"I get it," Suzaku said dully.

Lelouch frowned at his tone. _He was so happy and into it a moment ago, and I ruined it. I guess I'm worse at this relationship thing than I thought I'd be._ He was really disappointing himself lately. He hadn't been as tough as he'd wanted about killing Clovis _and_ he kept royally screwing up with Suzaku. Sighing, he leaned down, bypassed his boyfriend's mouth, and pressed his face into the brunet's shoulder.

Suzaku shifted his head but didn't say anything.

Shivering a bit, the Britannian clenched his eyes shut and mumbled, "Sorry." He must be breaking some kind of record with that word today; he'd certainly never needed it before like he seemed to with Suzaku: _I'm sorry you got yourself shot for my sake in Shinjuku. I'm sorry you got arrested and tortured in my place for murdering Clovis. I'm sorry you almost died saving me from the bell tower. I'm sorry for sending you mixed signals about my feelings. I'm sorry for ditching you on the roof last week. I'm sorry for not knowing how to kiss. I'm sorry for always saying the wrong thing. I'm sorry I don't understand what I'm doing when it comes to you._

Suzaku leaned his head against Lelouch's and asked, voice thick, "Why are _you_ sorry?"

Lelouch swallowed, sensing something was a bit off but going with the flow. He sighed, bracing himself to spit out, "I'm really bad at this." It was rare Lelouch ever thought poorly about himself, which made the feeling of inferiority much more acute and powerful. His hand curled tightly around the other boy's shoulder, and he pressed his face harder into the one opposite. If he wasn't so stiff and desperate, he might even find it a comfortable cuddling position. Lowly, his words running together, he offered, "I'd understand if you wanted to break up with me."

" _What_?" Suzaku cried shrilly, embracing the Britannian on top. "No, _no_ , Lelouch! I love you. I've— _we've_ —been waiting too long for this." He pressed a shy but imploring kiss into the prince's hair. "Please don't…"

Starting to relax, Lelouch almost melted into his boyfriend. "I love you, too," he murmured—freely for the first time, no sass attached. He responded with a quick kiss to the brunet's shoulder underneath his cheek. "I don't want to lose you—especially this soon—but…"

"But you're backing out after all," Suzaku picked out, his voice cracking. "I should've known. Even though you _just_ promised not to change your mind again."

Lelouch reared up and stared down at his boyfriend desperately. "I'm not changing my mind!" he said hurriedly. Suzaku's eyes were glistening with unshed tears; Lelouch's heart twisted. "But this isn't working. I can't even kiss you right!"

Suzaku's head snapped up, his face a mixture of incredulity and relief. "Wait, _that's_ why you want to break up?"

"I said I don't _want_ to!" Lelouch reiterated heatedly. "I'm just giving you an escape route if you need one. I still love you!"

"Prove it," Suzaku hissed in challenge, grabbing Lelouch's ears and yanking his head down for a frantic kiss.

Blood racing, Lelouch felt his brain shut down as he let himself get swept into Suzaku's touch. He didn't think as he opened his mouth and slipped his tongue into Suzaku's cavern. He mindlessly tilted his head in response to the brunet's own head movements, pressing closer. His tongue brushed Suzaku's, hesitantly at first but growing more confident as he deliberately rubbed it back and forth against the other boy's. Burying his fingers in the Japanese boy's hair, he roughly dragged him up just enough to change the angle between them and kiss him deeper. His tongue explored everywhere, trying to map Suzaku's mouth—his teeth, his gums, the roof of his mouth; Lelouch was frustrated that he couldn't literally shove his tongue down Suzaku's throat because it wouldn't stretch that far. He still tried his hardest. His kisses were raw and uncalculated and bordering on animalistic as he started thrusting his tongue in and out of the brunet's mouth, catching the other boy's wet muscle and drawing it into his own mouth. Brazenly, he started suckling tight on Suzaku's tongue. _I love you. I wasn't thinking. I'm not letting you go._ For once it wasn't so much comprehensible thought as it was pure desperation and feeling that motivated his actions.

Breath hitching, Suzaku moaned into his mouth.

Lelouch opened his eyes slightly—when had they closed?—and stared straight into foggy forest green, half-mast and disorienting in their closeness. At the same time, it wasn't enough; it felt like nothing could _ever_ be enough as he sucked like mad on Suzaku's tongue. His whole body was heating up. His heart was pounding and he sucked on his boyfriend in time to its rhythm. He couldn't remember ever feeling so energized. Keeping eye contact, he slowed down and finally let Suzaku's tongue slide wetly from between his lips.

" _Wow_ , Lelouch," Suzaku gasped, fiercely trying to control his breathing. He looked completely disheveled under the prince.

"I didn't lie about my feelings," Lelouch said simply. "Was…was all _that_ okay?" There was an uncommonly heard hesitancy lacing his tone, proving how out-of-depth he still felt concerning their evolving relationship. Would it ever get less awkward to discuss these physical intimacy topics with his (new, first, and only) boyfriend?

Suzaku nodded, cheeks rosy and eyes still glazed with pleasure. "I really liked it," he said, his voice breathy as he clutched the prince by the shoulders and shivered. "More," he demanded.

Smugly smirking, Lelouch dropped his head to press slightly creased lips to Suzaku's again. His next kisses were almost ticklish following his hot and heavy aggressive force from before as he lightly pressed and sucked on the brunet's lips. His fingers fervidly massaged the other boy's scalp. Sighing, he nudged his boyfriend's lips open under his, just enough to dip his tongue inside and tease Suzaku's before pulling back. He playfully clamped his own lips shut as Suzaku tried to follow, denying him access so he could press hard, puckered kisses to the brunet's mouth instead. The pleasant, tingling warmth spreading through his body made him feel lazy and relaxed. Angling his head the other direction, he licked his way back into Suzaku's mouth and slid his tongue slowly and sensually against his partner's in an erotic kiss. He smiled around their tongues as Suzaku caught on and responded in kind. Letting the deep kiss linger, he kept his touch steamy and suggestive without falling prey to the lewd carnal desire that had eneveloped him before.

Suzaku made soft, encouraging noises throughout the prince's ministrations, and he started to amorously rub the tips of Lelouch's ears between his fingers as he held the older boy's head in place. He shifted underneath the Britannian prince and followed Lelouch's lead, responding to every one of his boyfriend's wordless signals. He sighed in disappointment as Lelouch eventually pulled back, and his eyes were starry as they pierced his counterpart's. "I don't know what you're talking about," the brunet said breathlessly. "You know how to kiss me perfectly."

Lelouch blushed at the blunt praise and stammered, "W-well, I hadn't planned…"

Lips curling up, Suzaku applauded, "See what happens when you stop thinking, live in the moment, and do what feels right?"

Blushing a little harder, Lelouch nodded _. I wanted him so badly and_ _my body took over. I kissed him senseless. I must be a natural after all_. "Point proven."

"So was yours," Suzaku said. He sighed again. "Lelouch, since you really love me, are you still gonna…"

The prince shook his head, catching on easily. "No, Suzaku," he answered. "If you still want to be with me—"

" _Yes_!"

"—then I guess you're stuck with me." With a self-satisfied smile, Lelouch leaned down—and promptly bumped noses with Suzaku, who'd apparently had the same idea and was leaning up for a kiss. They pulled back, caught each other's eyes, and laughed at their blunder. "Let's try that again," the black-haired Britannian suggested, violet eyes twinkling, and slowed his approach to avoid another nasal collision. They laughed again when they both automatically tilted their heads in the same direction. "Okay, Suzaku, you go this way and I'll just—yes, like that." They'd learn to read each other better with practice.

Suzaku's eyes slipped shut as soon as they made contact. He returned the prince's eager kisses, pressing his lips against the older boy's with matching bruising force. He roughly drew the Britannian's bottom lip between his and sucked for a couple seconds before pulling away completely for air. During their oxygen-refueling break, green eyes burning into his boyfriend's, the soldier asserted raggedly, "I _really_ liked it when you sucked on my tongue, Lelouch. I want to do it to you. If that's something you're okay with?"

Lelouch lurched involuntarily, feeling a stab of want deep in his belly. Suzaku's words and tone made his pulse race and his blood flow south. Violet eyes darkening, he gave his boyfriend one swift nod before pressing close again. He thought he knew what to expect, but the sensation of Suzaku suckling on his tongue was unlike anything he'd anticipated; the tight heat in his stomach twisted stronger. His brain liquefied and melted out his ears. All mental activity ceased as he let out a muffled moan, long and low and deep, drowning out the slide of a door and the whir of a wheelchair.

"Brother?"

Lelouch abruptly tore himself from Suzaku and flailed, landing on the floor. "Nunnally!" he gasped, covering his wet and swollen lips with a shaking hand.

Nunnally rolled forward. "Are you hurt? I heard you—"

"No!" Lelouch answered in a near-shout, scrambling to his feet. With a deep breath, he regained some of his composure. "No, I'm quite all right." He glanced over to see Suzaku, still dazed on the couch, and the pleasant heat coiled tighter in his stomach at the sight of his boyfriend flushed, silently panting, and sexily mussed.

Nunnally's hands fluttered lightly on the armrests of her wheelchair. "Then why were you—?"

Lelouch looked to the side again, watching amusedly as the situation clicked in Suzaku's mind. Understanding was chased by embarrassment across tan Japanese features, and the younger teen croaked, "Hi, Nunnally."

"Oh, Suzaku's here, too?" the handicapped princess asked, slight surprise in her voice.

Lelouch moved forward to grasp his sister's hand. "Yes. I invited him for dinner." Never mind that it was the middle of the afternoon and they were all obviously skipping class; Lelouch specialized in half-truths.

Clearly used to her brother's ways, the disabled princess didn't question the unexpected company as she prepared for a routine hospital visit and waited for Sayoko to come back from shopping. She breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, good. I've been worried about the two of you."

Suzaku jumped to his feet, his hands hurriedly smoothing out the wrinkles of his uniform. Nunnally might not be able to see how rumpled he and Lelouch looked, but where Nunnally was, Sayoko was sure to follow. "How come?" he asked, and the prince was impressed at how quickly he'd assumed control of his voice.

"You two have seemed so distant this past week," Nunnally replied. "It's unusual. I'm not the only one to notice, either." Before they could ask, she explained, "Milly and the others have been concerned, too. That's why Milly devised a plan to get you two speaking again." She giggled. "I'm glad it worked. Whatever was the matter, anyway?"

Lelouch's brain whirled to a stop. "Milly pulled one of her stunts to get us to make ou—up?" he repeated, catching his slip before his sister could process it.

"Yes!" Nunnally said happily. Without waiting for that idea to settle, she plunged forward. "Now, Brother, Suzaku, what in the world could have kept _you_ two apart for so long? It's not like you at all."

Their eyes met in consideration, coming to a mutual decision sans words. Lelouch shivered. _At least Suzaku understands. I won't lie to Nunnally—not about_ _ **this**_ _. I won't be ashamed._

Suzaku coughed awkwardly into a fist and took the lead. "I was scared," he confessed. Nunnally opened her mouth to question that, but the soldier surged on with, "I didn't think Lelouch loved me." The princess's jaw was still open, and it dropped a little lower as Suzaku added in the gentlest and most heartfelt voice he could muster, "At least not like I loved him." He sent a meaningful look in the black-haired prince's direction, and the warm glow in his eyes seemed to reel Lelouch closer until they were caught in each other's embrace.

"I don't—you mean—you two are," Nunnally spluttered, and then she composed herself. Her voice was still breathy, but she managed to ask, "Suzaku, you're in love with my brother?"

The brunet beamed, and his tone was genuinely sincere as he answered, "With all my heart."

Nunnally's fingers twitched again. "And Lelouch," she prompted, "do you return Suzaku's feelings?"

Lelouch chuckled, a bit nervously. "I do," he answered simply.

"Then I give you my blessing," Nunnally said. "Congratulations! You two have always been so close," she repeated, "that somehow this doesn't surprise me."

Her brother took a tentative step towards her again, breaking loose of Suzaku's loving hold. "Are you _really_ okay with this?" He wanted her to be sure. "If it makes you uncomfortable," he added, looking to his boyfriend with an apologetic expression, "then I won't pursue this. It's better if it ends before it begins." His hands clenched into fists as he amended to himself, _But really I'd date him anyway, no matter how you felt. It would just turn into one more secret I'd keep from you for your own well-being_. He swallowed heavily, still wanting his beloved sister's approval despite his back-up plan. No matter that she didn't know about it, the prince silently bargained, _I'm making you a peaceful world, Nunnally. You can let me have Suzaku._

Speaking of said boyfriend, Suzaku appeared sucker-punched at the declaration for a moment, but he finally nodded in resignation. For Nunnally.

"Of course I'm okay with it!" Nunnally assured firmly. "Lelouch, I know how happy you two make each other. And I've always thought of Suzaku as another brother anyway." She smiled kindly. "You two _together_ feels right."

"Like moving into checkmate," Lelouch agreed quietly. He shook his head at Suzaku's amused glance.

Suzaku raised his eyebrow at the prince's chess obsession, but he only said to Nunnally, "Thank you. I promise to uphold your trust. I'll never hurt Lelouch or let anything happen to him, and I'll take care of him al—" He was swiftly interrupted by his boyfriend's lips in a bruising kiss.

"I don't _need_ anyone to take care of me," Lelouch reprimanded. "But if you're offering yourself, no strings attached, then I'll take that instead."

Their moment was broken into by more of Nunnally's giggles. "You two are adorable," she chattered. "Suzaku, I wouldn't be comfortable placing my brother in any hands but yours." A mischievous look rolled across her face and she teased, "Just don't be _too_ rough with him. We both know Lelouch can't handle—"

"Hey!" the prince protested good-naturedly. Shaking the self-righteous annoyance off, he strode the rest of the way to his mirthful little sister. He bent and wrapped her in a tight hug, shifting only when Suzaku put his arms around the both of them. That Nunnally would not hate him or condemn him for this, that she was accepting and supportive of his fledgling relationship with Suzaku… "Thank you, little sister," he mumbled into her ear, and he would always deny the wetness in his eyes.


	6. Setting Boundaries

**An unrated version of this story is on my AO3 account (NeoDiji) and linked on my Tumblr (NeoDiji).**

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D

Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. Go read her Undertale comic, _Refuse_. :D

*/*

 _Something Worth Blackmailing_

Alternatively: _Two Boys and Their Love_

*/*

Chapter Six: Setting Boundaries

*/*

"Are you happy?" Lelouch asked, sweetly brushing Suzaku's bangs back. It was after dinner, and they'd migrated to the privacy of the prince's bedroom. Sayoko was putting Nunnally to bed down the hall.

Green eyes shone with emotion. "Of course," Suzaku said, a hint of huskiness underlying his tone. He pulled Lelouch closer and kissed him square on the mouth, letting himself sink into the older boy's embrace after too many hours spent keeping physical distance. Nunnally and Sayoko hadn't meant to interrupt before, but they'd done a fine job of it anyway. It didn't matter, though. Suzaku had Lelouch _now_.

Simpering into the kiss, Lelouch held the soldier close. He trailed his hands down Suzaku's back and sides, his movements growing more daring at the brunet's resulting shivers and choked off moans. He pulled back after a moment to catch his breath, a rosy tinge on his cheeks and a proud gleam in purple eyes.

Suzaku smiled at the sight and flicked his gaze questioningly to the bed. Were they going to stay pressed against the door all night? But it wasn't Suzaku's place to expressly invite himself to climb between Lelouch's sheets, and to be honest, he wasn't sure he wanted…

Following his eyes, Lelouch stiffened for a second before purposefully grabbing Suzaku's hand and leading him to sit on top of the bedspread; he angled his body so their knees would knock together. The smile he directed towards the Japanese boy grew more relaxed as the seconds ticked by.

Lelouch's composed attitude actually made Suzaku more anxious instead of having a contagious calming effect. Was the Britannian faking it or was he truly that comfortable welcoming his new boyfriend to his bed on the first night of their relationship? He'd had a mini-freakout about not knowing how to _kiss_ , let alone… Suzaku felt dizzy as his mind raced with expectations. Everything seemed to be moving so fast now that it was finally happening; it felt especially rushed after being stuck at standstill for a week of uncertainty. The room felt hot, and the younger boy's neck started to sweat as he sank onto the bed, looking anywhere but at the prince's face.

"Suzaku." Lelouch's voice sounded amused.

The pilot's attention snapped to his boyfriend. He licked his lips nervously, tasting Lelouch on them. "Y-yes?"

Purple eyes darkened at the appearance of the brunet's tongue, but Lelouch visibly restrained himself from getting reacquainted with it. Instead, he stared Suzaku straight in the eye and pressed, "What's wrong?"

Tilting his head, Suzaku took a moment to think through what he wanted to say. It took longer than he'd like to sort out his tangled thoughts, running together as they were. Was it really only this morning when he'd last been afraid that he'd lost Lelouch forever? Finally, he said, "I am really happy to be with you, Lelouch. I've been wanting this for a long time." He took both of the black-haired boy's hands and squeezed them, awed at the physical proof of Lelouch's presence after everything and desperate not to let him slip through his fingers this time. Then he took another deep breath and admitted, "I'm just scared that something is going to ruin it all. I don't want to go too fast and lose you."

"You won't lose me," Lelouch reassured him, his pale face set with determination. "I've already made my decision. I chose you." He followed up his words with a quick kiss.

Suzaku kissed back reflexively, amazed at how the initial awkwardness and doubts were already fading into comfortable familiarity (though apparently only to make room for new ones). "Still," he said when he pulled back, "we should probably talk about what we want out of this." He leaned in and hugged the older boy, mumbling into his neck, "I just don't want any more miscommunications like what happened before."

"I don't either," Lelouch agreed. "As for what I want? Well, Suzaku, I want more than just kisses with you."

Suzaku sucked in a deep breath and his blush rushed back full-force. "Le-Lelouch!" he croaked, eyes wide as he pulled back and stared at the older boy. He hadn't thought the virginal prince had it in him. Then again, hadn't Lelouch mentioned sex in a roundabout way on the couch earlier? Suzaku's blood heated at the memory, even as his stomach churned. Suzaku knew his crush had starred in numerous of his wet dreams, but in reality he didn't want to jump headfirst into sex. Despite the prince's words and their afternoon together, Suzaku still felt a twinge of fear that it was all a hoax. Twice since getting together a few hours ago, Lelouch had mentioned breaking up—once over kissing, and once over Nunnally. Any moment now, the other shoe would truly drop, and Suzaku didn't want awkward mistake sex straining their friendship. How should he tell his boyfriend that he wasn't ready to go all the way? The Japanese teen frowned and took another breath, face scrunching as he wondered how to word his intentions.

"What?" Lelouch cocked his head, eyes searching Suzaku's. "What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy to know that it's not all physical for me."

A tiny lightbulb started to glow in the pilot's brain. "Not all physical…?" he echoed.

Lelouch nodded decisively. "Right. Even though I enjoy kissing you, you're still my best friend. Little things like you being here for dinner? Those are still important to me." He shifted nearer to the other, an intense look on his face as he summed up, "I just need _you_ in my life, Suzaku. I don't want our relationship to devolve into kissing and nothing else. I need your friendship and closeness behind anything we do together."

Suzaku's lips twitched at the other's awkward and surprisingly sentimental directness, and he couldn't help but laugh out his worries. Forestalling any hurt protests, he leaned in and kissed his boyfriend quiet. "I want that, too," he murmured quickly as he pulled back, squeezing Lelouch's hands in his again. "I just thought, at first, that you were saying you wanted to…uh, well, sleep with me. You know, when you said you wanted 'more than kisses,' I thought you meant…" He felt a wave of embarrassment mixed with relief wash over him as he fumbled with his words.

It was Lelouch's turn to blush bright red, and he had to close his eyes as he got himself under control. "That's…another prime example of miscommunication," he observed. He opened his eyes. "At least we clarified that one before it turned into another mess."

"That could've been bad," Suzaku agreed.

"All things considered, though," Lelouch went on, swallowing thickly. "Since we're on the topic…I'm not saying I'm ready now, but when the time comes, I know being with _you_ will make it special." His blush darkened despite his obvious efforts, but he kept his gaze steady on Suzaku's.

Dazed, Suzaku felt his heart flip in his chest. "That's…yeah," he managed, eyes bright at the confession. It felt easier to breathe. Lelouch didn't want to rush their relationship after all, so he wasn't letting the prince down. Aiming to even the playing field, he laid out, "I'm not ready yet either, but even if I am ready first, I'll never push you."

Lelouch smiled softly. "I know. I trust you."

Suzaku felt light-headed at the admission. Trust was such a huge, huge deal for the Britannian boy, after all. With another sigh, he leaned in and kissed Lelouch again. They alternated between massaging their lips and tangling their tongues, and it was always a blast of excitement for Suzaku to discover what move Lelouch would pull next as he passionately took over the direction of their kisses. Suzaku would never get tired of this. He pulled back slightly, face shining, and sighed, "I love you."

Lelouch's expression showed he was just as enthralled with Suzaku. "I love you, too," he murmured deeply. "And since we're hashing things out, I need you to know: I want us to be committed to each other. No one else." He tenderly cupped Suzaku's cheek. "I know it seems obvious, but it's not always. I just…"

The brunet leaned in and cut him off with another kiss, his tongue lightly flicking the other's. "Sh, I know," he purred when he pulled back. "It's okay. That's why we're having this talk—to set boundaries and make promises so we know what to expect from this relationship. Like I said, I don't want to lose you. I don't want to overstep."

"As if you could," Lelouch said fondly, ghosting his fingers over the brunet's jawline.

Suzaku bristled. "I might accidentally if you don't tell me what you want."

"You'll hear about it if I don't like something," the prince promised. "As long as you see to my main needs, we can figure out anything else as it comes up." Before Suzaku could ask, he spelled out, "I want a monogamous relationship, I want your friendship behind what we do, and I want your signed resignation from the military."

Suzaku snorted, starting to feel more at ease. "I can give you two out of three."

Lelouch sighed melodramatically, rolling his eyes. "I suppose if I _have_ to share you…"

Swallowing down laughter at the deliberate misinterpretation, the soldier warned, " _Lelouch_."

"It was worth a shot," the Britannian grumbled.

Suzaku raised an eyebrow. "It was," he agreed pleasantly. "Too bad for you."

"You're not being a very nice boyfriend right now," Lelouch scoffed. "You should be nice to me. I'm your boyfriend."

The repetitive words made the soldier's skin heat as he basked in the new label of their relationship. Normally, he didn't like labels. 'Lelouch's boyfriend,' he could get behind. He knew _his boyfriend_ was goading him, but he couldn't bring himself to care. "You bring up a good point. I'll be nicer," he teased back, letting the laughter bubble up.

Lelouch smiled, making Suzaku's heart thump faster still. "And you?" the older boy pressed. "What else do _you_ want so _I_ don't overstep?"

"I want what you want," Suzaku breathed earnestly.

Lelouch's smile widened before morphing into a devilish smirk. "Why, Suzaku," he said 'innocently,' "if you want to quit the military that badly—"

Suzaku rolled his eyes. "Lelouch, give it a rest. You've used up your limit for tonight."

The prince cocked his head curiously and asked, "So I can try again tomorrow?"

Sighing, the soldier shut him up with a kiss. He was growing more comfortable initiating things—he still felt excited that _Lelouch wanted him to!_ —though he admitted to himself that it caused a special sort of thrill when the prince instigated intimacy. _And_ when he took control.

Lelouch started to fall sideways, gently guiding Suzaku to lie with him on the bed, still without breaking their kiss. Their hands wandered within unspokenly safe limits—in hair, on faces, on backs and shoulders and arms—making them mussy and disarrayed. Their heads moved continuously, drawing back and pressing forward, tilting for new angles and positions, sliding and bumping against each other as they practiced responding to each other's body signals. Their eyes were heated and hazy as they caught each other's gaze between lip locks, making the experience more intimate and sensual. The bed was heaven-soft beneath them.

"Since we're talking about boundaries, I'm fine with kissing," the prince mentioned after a particularly arousing spell of caresses. Despite his initial wariness towards Frenching, he sought it out now like he was starving for it.

Suzaku chuckled knowingly. "I can tell." He swept his fingers down the curve of Lelouch's jawline, delighting in the prince's full-body shudder and smoky expression. "I love kissing you, too."

Lelouch pressed forward again, swallowing Suzaku's moans before trailing feather-light kisses across Suzaku's cheek, behind his ear, down his neck…at least as far as he could go before the high uniform collar blocked his path. After a moment of indecision, he started kissing back up the way he came, pausing by Suzaku's ear to whisper, "Are you okay with this?"

Suzaku jerked his head in a slight nod and pressed the other boy's mouth to his neck again. "Uh huh," he groaned. "Feels good. More."

With a light laugh, Lelouch pulled back and jested, "Have I reduced you to this state already?"

Suzaku blinked at him, green eyes glazed and lined with temptation. "Why are you surprised?" he asked. "Lelouch, you're a dream come true."

Of course the soldier had tricked the prince into intensely kissing him as a means to block any more embarrassing proclamations. After all, Suzaku figured there really was no other way for Lelouch to respond; the strategist always went for the most effective method.

*/*

Lelouch woke up at dawn with an armful of Suzaku. He grinned, watching the younger boy sleep. Even in the dim light, Suzaku looked so at peace. With a deep breath, the prince untangled his legs from his boyfriend's and dropped a light kiss on the soldier's forehead, causing a smile to flutter across Suzaku's face along with a sigh of Lelouch's name in his sleep. Taking another moment to simply watch him, the Britannian teen finally made himself scoot off the bed and collect a fresh uniform from his closet. He moved lightly so as to not wake the other boy, often pausing in his routine to glance over and make sure that Suzaku was still there and still comfortable.

With Suzaku deep in dreamland, Lelouch left to take a shower. It felt wonderful to peel off his wrinkled, slept-in clothes, but he wouldn't trade last night with Suzaku for anything. They'd stayed up late reconnecting, talking and kissing and laughing, and neither had suggested that Suzaku should probably return to his military-issued dorm. Instead, they'd simply fallen asleep together, still dressed in their school uniforms as they lay wrapped around each other. It hadn't been too uncomfortable, all things considered. In fact, on the contrary, being tangled with Suzaku was…

 _I got a wonderful night's sleep with Suzaku in my bed,_ noted Lelouch as he scrubbed shampoo in his hair. _Thank god C.C. left after all or I'd have never gotten the chance to hold him._

Like a splash of cold water, Lelouch remembered the Black Knights. He still had duties to them, and he couldn't afford to let Suzaku distract him so thoroughly. He needed to decide which corrupt official to take out next in keeping with his publicly proclaimed goal of challenging oppressors. His mind was still on his rebellion when he walked back to his room, newly cleaned and dressed, and as such it came as an initial shock when he saw the lights on, courtesy of Suzaku sitting in his bed and looking blearily around.

"Good morning," Lelouch greeted warmly, forgetting all about the Black Knights despite his best intentions. _Seeing Suzaku is such a pleasant surprise_.

Suzaku blinked and wiped a spot of drool from the corner of his mouth. He looked down, embarrassed. "G'morning," he mumbled.

Rolling his eyes, Lelouch strode forward and sat on the bed. He leaned in to give Suzaku a peck on the lips.

Immediately, Suzaku reeled back, suddenly wide awake. "Ew, Lelouch!" he complained. "Morning breath!"

"…I just brushed my teeth."

"I meant me," Suzaku explained sheepishly.

"I still love you, Suzaku," Lelouch intoned fondly.

Suzaku's breath hitched at the early morning confession. He ducked his head, trying to hide a blush. His eyes flicked up to Lelouch's after a few seconds. "I love you, too, Lelouch."

The prince's smile broadened at the declaration. _This is the way to start a day_ , he decided. For all the problems they'd had getting to this point, now he could relish the experience. Grasping Suzaku's hand, he offered, "I can get you some towels if you want. While you shower, I can make breakfast." As much as he'd have liked to hide away with his new boyfriend, life went on and it was best that they return to reality together. He paused to think things over. "I don't have any spare uniforms in your size, though…"

It took a few moments for the information to settle in the brunet's brain. When it did, he sat ramrod straight, green eyes wide and frenzied. "Lelouch!" he groaned. "School! We skipped all our afternoon classes yesterday!"

"I didn't hear you complaining once I got you on the couch," Lelouch remembered dryly.

Suzaku blushed again and playfully hit his boyfriend's shoulder; Lelouch pretended to be hurt, but the smile in his eyes gave him away. "I'm serious, though!" Suzaku insisted. "We cut class. We're going to be in so much trouble."

Lelouch smoothed a hand over Suzaku's hair, trying to comfort him. "Relax, Suzaku. You worry too much. We both miss class all the time. It's not suspicious _._ " _Besides, this isn't the first time I got you to skip class._ "You didn't get in trouble last time, remember?" His blood heated as he remembered that perverted nobleman trying to solicit _his_ Suzaku—not that the Japanese had been his _officially_ at the time, but Suzaku had been destined for him all along—and Lelouch licked his lips as he remembered how beautiful Suzaku's skin had proven to be last night.

The Honorary Britannian soldier groaned, "Yeah, but if the military discovers that…"

"They'll kick you out?" the exiled prince asked hopefully.

"Lelouch!"

"What?" the anti-Britannian Britannian teen asked with an indignant sniff. "Is it so wrong of me to want my beloved boyfriend safe?"

That gave Suzaku pause. He looked deep into violet eyes, but apparently found only concern. "I know you don't understand," the soldier said, running his hand down Lelouch's arm. He shifted a bit on the sheets. "Actually, I should probably go home and get ready for school." He glanced at the early morning light creeping through the window, assessing the time. "If I leave now, I should be able to just make it." He started to roll out of bed, then went still at Lelouch's frown. "Is something wrong?"

Lelouch shook his head, damp black hair swaying. "Not…really," he answered, looking back and forth between Suzaku and the door. His gaze caught on Suzaku's anxious one before he deflated. "It's just," he finally said, "I'm a bit bothered that you call the military 'home.'" Long, pale fingers started plucking at the bedspread. "Your home is where you belong: here."

Eyes softening, Suzaku reached over and hugged the other boy close. "You're right," he murmured in the prince's ear, swaying as he breathed in the fresh clean scent permeating from the other boy. "My _real_ home is with you."

Lelouch automatically returned the hug. "Then don't leave," he ordered petulantly. "You could stay here…with me."

The soldier just tightened his hold and laughed, sounding a bit breathless. "My military dorm is literally in the university right across the street from Ashford. It's…convenient." He nuzzled the other boy's neck, breathing in his scent deeply. "I have to go get ready, but I'll be back with you before you know it," he assured the undercover royal. "You'll see more than enough of me, I promise."

Surprised at the Japanese boy's living details, Lelouch only responded with a simple, "Good." _He's been so close, and I just never realized._ He nodded and reluctantly let go. "Will you have lunch with me on the roof?" he asked, wanting to make sure that they had something lined up. "Alone," he clarified needlessly. The roof was _their_ place.

Following suit, Suzaku nodded with a happy gleam in his eye. "Of course, Lelouch. I'll be all yours then."

Lelouch busied himself with ironing his wrinkled uniform as a distraction from Suzaku's unsolicited departure. He would hold his boyfriend to his promise.

*/*

"It took me awhile to ditch Rivalz," Suzaku apologized by way of explanation as he approached his newfound boyfriend. The sunshine was warm and inviting and, with Lelouch waiting for him wearing such an alluring smile, it was hard to remember why he'd had such mixed feelings about the roof lately. It started to come back to him when he looked closer and noticed the older boy hurriedly putting away his phone—but at least this time he was stowing it in his backpack instead of in his front pocket.

Lelouch only donned a smirk and swept the other boy into a demanding kiss, wasting no time in running his tongue along his boyfriend's lips. He really seemed addicted. Suzaku immediately opened his mouth with a groan, forgetting all about Lelouch's cell, and worked to keep up with the prince's zealous enthusiasm. After a few good minutes of tongue-twisting, Lelouch separated from him and sat down, leaning against the roof wall and calmly offering Suzaku a container of homemade rice—as if he hadn't just kissed the living daylights out of the other boy.

Breathing heavily—more from heightened emotion than exertion— the brunet slid down the wall next to him and accepted the food. "Whoa," he gasped. "Miss me much?"

Lelouch hummed. "You have no idea."

Suzaku only tilted his head. "I think I do." _I've only been waiting for you forever_.

Lelouch laughed, rich and deep. "Well, then, I retract my words." He moved closer and offered the Japanese boy a spoonful of rice, glaring at the Britannian utensil—probably for _being_ a Britannian utensil instead of Japanese chopsticks. "I thought it was torture to see you across the room and not be able to touch you," he confessed.

"It was almost impossible for me, too," Suzaku shared. "I didn't want to make a scene by kissing you in front of everyone, though, so I controlled myself." He raised an eyebrow, still trying to control his breathing. He was growing more used to Lelouch's rather mushy behavior towards him now that they were boyfriends, remembering the prince's admission from yesterday that he wanted to try being a bit more emotional and demonstrative in his affections. Suzaku was a safety net he could practice such foreign interactions with, and the brunet was delighted at every implication of that. However, he had to ask, "Are you seriously trying to feed me?"

Nodding, the Britannian prince pushed closer. Overbearing nurturing behavior had become one of his prime methods of demonstrating affection due to all his years taking care of Nunnally; Suzaku understood. Noticing the Japanese freeze up, the Britannian paused and asked, "You don't like it?"

Suzaku thought about it a moment. "It's a little romantic," he conceded, "but I like being independent." He searched the other boy's face. "You, of all people, should get that."

Again, Lelouch nodded. He put the spoon down and handed everything over to Suzaku. "I do," he said simply. He reached for his own lunch.

"Wait," Suzaku panicked. "Are you upset?"

"Of course not," Lelouch assured him with a smile. "It's important that we can tell each other when we're uncomfortable with things."

Suzaku heaved a sigh of relief. "You're right," he agreed. "I just don't want to disappoint you."

Lelouch took a bite of food and stared contemplatively at his boyfriend as he chewed and swallowed. "Suzaku," he asserted, "the only way you'd disappoint me is if you went along with something you didn't like just to avoid potentially hurting my feelings."

"Oh," Suzaku said in a small voice, sensing how close he'd come to doing just that. It was habit, after all.

The dark-haired prince squeezed his shoulder in comfort. "It's okay," he said. "We're both still learning what it's like to be together, and to be honest…" He shifted closer. "To be honest, I think we're doing a great job now that we're back on track."

Suzaku blinked and smiled. It was true. Now that they'd crossed that humongous setback, they'd taken leaps and bounds with their relationship. Their strong, lasting friendship really was providing a firm foundation for their future. They were already comfortable with each other, and their communication was improving now that they'd learned it was a problem. Of course there was still a long way to go, but they were handling themselves pretty decently—especially considering that they'd been officially dating for less than twenty-four hours.

"Suzaku," Lelouch said, pulling the brunet soldier from his thoughts. With green eyes fixed on his, the Britannian boy wondered, "So far we've lucked out, but what were you thinking about telling the others?"

Wolfing down his rice, Suzaku shifted a bit. "I hadn't—really—thought about the others," he confessed. "So far, the only one on my mind has been _you_." He shot an easy smile at his boyfriend. _I really have obsessed over you lately_.

Light pink crept over Lelouch's cheeks, but he coughed self-consciously and mumbled, "Cute, Suzaku." He grasped the soldier's hands and prompted, "We need to decide where to go from here. I haven't told anyone about us other than Nunnally."

"Me neither," Suzaku was quick to put in.

"Mhm," Lelouch acknowledged. "I think I'd like to keep it that way, at least for now."

Suzaku nodded. "If you think it's best, I'm fine with that. I know you're an extremely private person, Lelouch, and I respect—"

"Right, but what about what _you_ want?" Lelouch interrupted, tightening his hold. "This relationship goes both ways, Suzaku."

Suzaku felt a rush of warmth and dizziness. _Lelouch really is the perfect boyfriend_. Leaning his head back against the wall, the soldier took some time to think. "I love you," he reiterated, squeezing the other's hands in turn. "I want everyone to know, but I'm happy just being with you. And, like I told you last night, I've been waiting for you for a long time." Eyelids dropped to half-mast as he relaxed beside the prince. "At the moment, I can just savor this privately."

Purple eyes softened. "Yeah. Thanks, Suzaku." The Britannian boy suddenly snickered. "Hey, could you imagine the chaos if Milly and the others got word of this and stuck their noses in our relationship?" He shook his head exaggeratedly from side to side, confessing, "I don't want to deal with that, especially not this soon."

Suzaku scoffed lightly, "Oh, come on. Madame President isn't _that_ bad. What's the worst that could happen?"

Lelouch's face pinched. "Abject. Humiliation," he predicted, stone-serious.

Suzaku laughed harder, but more so at the other boy's dramatics. "You know her best," he finally managed with a shrug, still chortling a bit. His giggles died down as a wave of guilt crested over him. "In any case," he said, throat tightening, "I _would_ feel really bad if Shirley found out about us."

Cocking his head in confusion, Lelouch prompted, "Because of her crush?"

"She's in love with you!" Suzaku corrected. He withdrew his hands from Lelouch's and started mindlessly playing with the remains of his food.

Sighing, the black-haired boy gently took the rice away, making the soldier look at him without distraction. "She's not in love with me," Lelouch said simply. "She doesn't know me." He stared hard at Suzaku. "The real me," he amended.

Suzaku rolled his shoulders. "That's not her fault," he pointed out. "I bet she'd love the real you, too."

"Okay, even so," Lelouch replied, a note of frustration in his tone, " _I'm_ in love with _you_." He shook his head. "Even if you never came along, my feelings for her still wouldn't be the same as hers for me. Besides, Shirley is a nice girl. She might be hurt at first, but she'll be happy for us." He recaptured Suzaku's hands. "Look, I don't want to tell anyone anyway, but what I _really_ don't want is for you to agree to this out of misplaced guilt. Suzaku, it's not like you're stealing me from her."

Suzaku swallowed heavily. "It feels like I am," he pointed out glumly. His thumbs started tracing circles on the backs of the other boy's hands. "Apparently, I'm selfish enough to start something with you anyway."

Lelouch shook his head. "It's not selfish," he refuted. "I want you, and you want me. No one else matters." He hesitated for a moment before clarifying, "Even Nunnally. Despite what I said yesterday, I don't think I could give you up—even for her." Purple eyes tightened with determination. It felt like there was something more to his words as he said, "I just need you to see that _no one_ else can ever come between us."

"Yeah," Suzaku agreed softly, awestruck by the confession. _He'd choose me over Nunnally in this case?_ He mulled over the older boy's stance. On that topic, the brunet soldier was also relieved that Nunnally had accepted them after all, and that their relationship hadn't caused any drastic family problems. Her positive reaction had negated his underlying fears about her disapproval, welling up in his nightmare with the angry paper cranes. With a warm smile at his boyfriend, the Japanese admitted sheepishly, "I know you're right. It's just…hard." _I don't deserve you. You're too good for me._

Lelouch kissed him.

Suzaku sighed, all thoughts of Shirley, Nunnally, and self-doubt suddenly forgotten. He could _definitely_ get used to this.

The prince had a gentle look on his face after they'd disentangled themselves (again) and managed to focus on eating their lunch instead of eating each other. "I suppose going public would make people look closer at us," he said eventually, bringing up another point. "I don't want them digging too deep and discovering that I'm a lost prince of Britannia."

"We have to guard your secret," Suzaku said resolutely. It was why he hadn't wanted to be friends openly in the first place.

"Dating is kind of a bigger deal than just friendship, and our past is a big part of our relationship," Lelouch went on. "You know people would look into it." He shivered. "Still," he mused after a few moments spent in companionable silence, "I like the thought of this thing between us becoming _our_ new secret."

Suzaku felt a thrill race down his spine.

"Besides, it's safer this way," Lelouch went on matter-of-factly, finishing up his lunch. "Most people just wouldn't understand what we feel for each other. I don't really care about what other people might think of us, but even so…" He hesitated, shooting a worried look at his Japanese boyfriend. "I don't want to attract trouble. You have a hard enough time here as it is."

Again, Suzaku's heart beat faster. _He's always looking out for me. Oh, Lelouch._ "I—I'll be fine," he managed around the sudden lump in his throat.

"Still, I don't want to take chances at the moment," Lelouch said firmly. "Just in case something goes wrong. I don't want you getting hurt." He put away his lunch materials, leaving the roof spotless. "You know how people get about things like this. I'm just trying to be practical."

Suzaku nodded. "Yeah. I see that." He suddenly sniggered again. "Hey, can you imagine what Synclair Worth would have to say about us?"

Lelouch rolled his eyes in exasperation. "That simple-minded bigot? I try not to concern myself with him and his friends as much as possible." He waved a hand flippantly, as if dismissing the bullies' opinions altogether. "Synclair Worth, Anthony Bristol, and Cameron Remington are the scum of society."

Suzaku laughed harder, trying to picture his tormentors' faces. "They'd be so disgusted."

"Who gives a shit?" Lelouch bit out with a toss of his head. Blinking at Suzaku's gaping expression, the Britannian pressed, "What? You've heard me curse before."

( _I'm an Honorary Britannian, an_ _ **Eleven.**_

 _Do you really think so little of me—you think I give a_ _ **shit**_ _about that?)_

"Nothing," Suzaku hurried to say. "It's just that you're normally so…proper."

Lelouch's eyes darkened. "I'll show you 'proper.'"

Suzaku snorted and mimicked, "Cute, Lelouch." Happiness bubbled in his chest as Lelouch burrowed into his arms, pressed tighter than ever against him, and melted his brain as he demonstrated 'propriety' with a newly-skilled tongue. Suzaku moaned louder as he registered Lelouch's leg shoot out and kick his backpack, complete with phone, a little ways away. Maybe he was reading too much into it, but Suzaku felt a rush of victory nonetheless.

"Someday," Lelouch said in a low tone after pulling back and maintaining steady eye contact, "someday, I want everyone to know you're mine." He lightly tapped the brunet's lips. "And that I'm yours." He removed his finger and leaned forward then, barely pressing their mouths together as he finished, "Someday we can be together openly. In a safer world." He kissed Suzaku hard and pulled back. His purple eyes held a harsh, dogged glint in them that Suzaku could relate to but didn't fully understand.

Instead, the Japanese boy only nodded in yearning. "I can't wait for that day," he said softly. "I don't like lying, but it won't be forever. At least we'll be together in the meantime."

A kind of hunger lit the prince's face. "We'll make the most of it," he asserted. He reached to tug open the other boy's jacket, stopping to wordlessly check with his boyfriend about whether this was acceptable. Suzaku froze initially, but nodded his permission within seconds. Lelouch's breathing increased as he carefully popped open the first couple buttons of Suzaku's white under-layer shirt, giving him the flexibility to move that damnable collar out of his way.

Suzaku gasped and clutched at his prince, moaning once Lelouch latched on to his now-bared neck, kissing and sucking with fervor. His body trembled in the older boy's hold, and his focus wavered as he lost himself in the sensations. "Ngh, Lelouch!" His moans tapered off into the empty air, getting lost in the sky.

"Suzaku," Lelouch grunted into his neck, hands grasping at brown hair like a lifeline. With a final lick, he surged up to claim his boyfriend's mouth in another messy kiss.

They were just really getting into it (again) when the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. With a groan of disappointment, Suzaku gently pushed Lelouch off. The prince protested against class—"I want you and only you and nothing else"—before catching sight of his handiwork, a pleased smirk stealing across his face.

"Wha—what is it?" the soldier asked breathlessly, hurriedly refastening his clothes.

"Nothing," Lelouch responded innocently. He moved to help his boyfriend smooth out the wrinkles, his movements infused with superiority.

Suzaku just indulgently shook his head, pressing his fingers to the spot where Lelouch's mouth had been so busy. _Are we moving too fast?_ he wondered with a slight chill of fear. _But I'm his and I want it this way. We're both happy with this. That's enough._

He stood and offered a hand to his boyfriend. "Shall we, then, Lelouch?"

*/*

They exchanged secret smiles when Milly chewed them both out for missing the Council meeting that lunch period.

*/*

Not even Synclair Worth, Anthony Bristol, and Cameron Remington could push Suzaku off cloud nine.

*/*

The first post-it note was a pleasant little surprise. Lelouch trudged into his room after a long day, mentally complaining to himself about how Suzaku had been called away by the military during afternoon classes. The brunet had shot him an apologetic look on his way out the door, and Lelouch had slumped in his seat; he was already crabby from lack of sleep, and now there would be no boyfriend kisses until Suzaku returned. Lelouch found it a bit odd and even disconcerting how quickly he'd become addicted to Suzaku's lips. He was halfway lost in a recent memory of them when he spied the post-it note innocently standing out on his pillow. Raising his eyebrow, the cautious prince took a step closer and read the note: _I love you. I'm sorry you're having a bad day._

There was no signature, but Lelouch would know that scrawled handwriting anywhere. His face softened at the sentiment. Suzaku must have dropped by before heading off to base in order to leave this note to brighten his day. His boyfriend really was a thoughtful romantic, and Lelouch found his heart warmed by the small gesture of affection.

With a fond shake of his head, Lelouch turned and noticed another post-it on his desk. Starting to smile, he walked over and read: _I'll make you happy as soon as possible_. His smile widened and he spotted yet another post-it on his chessboard. That one read: _I'm going to daydream of your lips every second I'm gone._ Feeling his cheeks heat at that one, the student-prince saw one more post-it note on his bedroom couch that read: _You're amazing in every way, Lelouch. I miss_ _you_ _already._

"You're going a little overboard, Suzaku," Lelouch grumbled, though a portion of pleasure sliced through the annoyance. It was nice that his boyfriend paid such close attention to him and went out of his way to make him happy. His bad day was already better thanks to Suzaku's little notes, though he still desperately missed the man behind the words. He sighed with longing and gathered all the notes together for safekeeping. "I miss _you_ , Suzaku," he admitted to the empty room.

Lelouch couldn't wait to show his appreciation with more boyfriend kisses.

*/*

"You know, Lelouch, I love it when you kiss me all wet and wild, but it kinda kills the mood if I start choking on your saliva," Suzaku pointed out in a playful tone. He shifted on the couch, causing the older boy's body on top of his to move, too.

The prince pulled back and blushed, self-consciously wiping his dripping mouth with his sleeve. "I was thinking that, too," he admitted. He sat up fully, straddling the brunet's stomach, his knees digging into the couch cushions on either side of the soldier's prone body. "It's a little disgusting when it runs _everywhere_."

Suzaku nodded, adding, "I don't need a river of spit sliding down my throat." His expression was open and spirited, green eyes glinting with friskiness.

" _Okay_ , Suzaku, you made your point. I'll kiss better," the older boy promised, a little grumpily. He crossed his arms over his chest and licked his lips. "The things I put up with from you…"

Suzaku smirked up at his boyfriend. "Do you drool over every cute Japanese boy you see, Lelouch?"

Purple eyes blinked rapidly, and the Britannian lifted his nose in the air with a sniff. "Apparently only the stupidly annoying ones," Lelouch retorted flatly.

"Oh, then there must be only a small _pool_ of people who fit your _tastes_ ," the brunet figured mischievously, ignoring the slight.

The intelligent, black-haired boy raised an eyebrow and implored evenly, "Suzaku, please leave the wit to me."

Jutting his chin out, the Japanese boy pushed on for all it was worth: "I didn't know Britannian princes _slobbered_ all over their significant others. Did they teach you that _drivel_ in royal etiquette class?"

"My god, Suzaku!"

*/*

"Whatever _you_ want to do, Lelouch," Suzaku answered in response to the darker-haired boy's question about what to get up to that night.

It was the one answer Lelouch didn't want to hear. "In this relationship, I consider us equals," the prince said, leveling his palms on the same plane of air. All thoughts of kisses, cuddles, movies, dinner, and chess games faded from his mind as he sought to drive home this important point of balance between them. "It's not a dynamic of kings and pawns."

"Lelouch, seriously, drop the chess metaphors," Suzaku suggested around a strained little laugh, looking uncomfortable. "Trust me, even you can't make them as cool as you think."

Lelouch raised a challenging eyebrow, thinking about how "coolness" was overrated and beneath him anyway, what with all the other more important matters going on. Like defeating Britannia or caring for Nunnally or loving Suzaku. What slipped out of his mouth was: "I'm plenty cool without the chess metaphors, thank you very much." His legions of Ashford fangirls proved that, and secretly, there was nothing more badass than a rebel. Particularly one who outsmarted the largest empire in the world. While he couldn't exactly broadcast his masked identity, he still knew inside that being Zero added to his sharp grand image.

Suzaku chuckled his agreement, a soft light shining in green eyes. "That's true," he said. "So you can stop bringing them up. We don't need to constantly describe our romance in terms of chess, you know."

"It's just how my mind works," the strategist prince defended himself.

"I know," Suzaku said, rushing to reassure him. "It's not that I don't respect your favorite hobby, but enough is enough. Besides, you _did_ tell me to speak up when I didn't like something between us."

Stung, the Britannian asked, "And what exactly makes you uncomfortable about chess?" It felt like a personal blow, like Suzaku was rejecting _him_.

The brunet hurriedly shook his head and clarified, "Not chess itself, Lelouch." Raking his fingers nervously through his curls, he looked at the ground and said, "I mean, chess as an ordinary game is one thing, but constantly likening our new relationship to chess moves makes me feel that the whole thing is a bit staged and calculated…" Struggling to get control of his voice, he went on, "Or maybe, our feelings really are a game to you, and you're just pulling my puppet strings like you play your chess opponents."

Looking horrified because this fear of his intentions displayed a lack of stable belief in _them_ , Lelough quickly shook his head and thought back. Suzaku had said something similar on the day they'd gotten together (" _I'm not your chess piece, Lelouch_ ") but he'd also then given permission for chess metaphors in heated moments, claiming that it was "sweet" of Lelouch to romance him in his element… But seemingly, the soldier was still bothered. The prince had to fix this.

Suzaku had a wary expression on his face.

"Nothing about us is contrived," Lelouch protested, squashing the instinctive guilt about hiding Zero and trying to persuade his boyfriend's usual optimism. "We have something real and special between us," he added, thinking of the genuine mesh of messy emotions that grounded him but still made him feel like he was flying. He'd never felt so out of his depth as when he took those romantic baby steps with the other boy, so he'd tried to make sense of their blooming relationship in the most comfortable way he knew how. He'd never set out to hurt Suzaku or make himself out to be a dictator of their relationship (his supreme authority urge was satisfied by the Black Knights, never Suzaku); that was exactly what he'd been trying to convey with his latest chess metaphor, which apparently was perpetuating the problem.

With a weak smile, Suzaku said, "Yeah. The sentiment behind this chess metaphor was still sweet, though. I think of us as equals, too."

 _No, you don't_ , Lelouch wanted to argue. _You clearly consider me higher, worth more, and that's not right_. Tampering down his annoyance, the strategist sighed and offered, "No more chess metaphors, then, Suzaku. I'll show you that our feelings aren't some game to me. However I can."

*/*

By day ten of their blooming relationship, Suzaku started to relax and believe that Lelouch meant to stay.

*/*

"Honestly, this is just for us," Lelouch said with a small smile. He twirled the camera expertly in his hands, checking his wallpaper for use as a decent backdrop. "I just want to document our relationship. Someday, we won't have to be secret. In the meantime, we're going to want to look back." It was high time they captured snippets of their everlasting romance.

Suzaku stepped forward with a lowgrade smirk. "And you know once they find out that Milly and the others will want to see proof of our early days."

Lelouch shuddered and insisted warily, "…As I said, this is just for us." Beckoning his boyfriend all the way to his side, he leaned into Suzaku, stretched out his arm, and snapped a picture. Eyeing the outcome, he criticized, "No, no. We need to do more outrageous poses."

Raising an eyebrow, the brunet suggested, "Or we could just be natural."

"We could," Lelouch agreed lightly, "but where's the pizzazz? I want to capture our fireworks."

Suzaku relaxed his mildly protesting stance, his eyes softening with fervent affection. "Lelouch," he murmured, "we make fireworks together no matter what. They'll come across." He wrapped his arms snugly around the prince's middle, embracing him close.

Slipping one arm up around his boyfriend's neck, Lelouch pressed his temple against Suzaku's and looked slightly towards the camera lens.

They ended up taking several photographs, both crazy poses and ordinary caught-in-the-moments. Lelouch's favorite was, hands-down, that second snapshot where they were hugging tight, foreheads pressed intimately together…and the depth of love in Suzaku's green eyes shining clear for the camera to capture.

*/*

Suzaku insisted on playing twelve games of chess with Lelouch the following evening. Each match was over embarrassingly fast, but the point wasn't to win. It was to prove where chess had its place in their relationship—as a pastime that made Lelouch happy, and by extension, Suzaku.

*/*

The Japanese transfer student felt like he would drop dead as he finally escaped from the classroom prison. It was exhausting trying to keep up with both school and the military, even with his friends' help. After missing a couple days, he'd gotten the make-up work and, because of his absences, spent most of his current math lesson completely lost because he was missing some crucial middle steps taught while he was gone. He had little, if anything, to build on. The thought of trying to wade through messy numbers and formulas for homework made him want to literally crawl underground—like when he was a child escaping to his secret base on the Kururugi Shrine.

Collapsing into his seat at the Student Council table, he blinked wearily when a familiar pale hand slid some finished math homework pages in front of him. "What?" he managed tiredly, sliding down in his chair. Things just weren't clicking.

Lelouch chuckled. "I made an extra set of completed homework so you could copy the answers," he explained proudly. "I turned in one page to the teacher for credit, but I saved this for you." As Suzaku raised his heavy head with astonishment, the intelligent and crafty teen forestalled any arguing with, "I know how drained you are, Suzaku. You need this. I also know you're morally obligated to refuse, but hear me out." He held up his palm, violet eyes crinkling, and promised, "I will legitimately teach you how to do this yourself later, when you're up to it. For now, take the answers so you can turn them in and stop worrying about them."

Conscience eased, Suzaku nodded his acceptance, relief flowing through his body. Nobody else could ever have convinced him to cheat. "Thank you, Lelouch," he mumbled, wanting to express his appreciation with a kiss, a cheek cup, an arm caress, anything—but Rivalz and Nina were settling in at the other end of the room and he had to stay his hand. He would make it up to the prince later.

For now, he would duplicate some math answers provided by someone irreplaceable.

*/*

"Dammit, Suzaku, cut it out!" Lelouch screeched, wriggling in his bonds.

A roguish light gleamed in green eyes. "Sorry, Lelouch, but it's the president's orders."

"Yeah, like you're not enjoying this at all?!"

Suzaku hummed noncommittally, sending a playful wink in his secret boyfriend's direction as Kallen walked in and stole the spotlight.

 _Idiot_ , Lelouch bemoaned inwardly, trying to fight the heat in his cheeks. His embarrassment was already at sky-high levels due to being forcibly tied to a chair and partially undressed in preparation for a cat cosplay event, of all things. Milly had shoved a pair of fake cat ears on his head as Rivalz held his head still, and Shirley was attempting to give him purple whiskers with inane amounts of make-up. Suzaku, though, _Suzaku_ was the one who'd hogtied him down and ripped open his clothes—leaving him vulnerable to the others' brands of torture.

At least all the others on the Student Council were more focused on Arthur's belated welcoming party (the guest of honor was licking his privates as he gave himself a thorough bath on the cat tree) as well as on the Black Knights' recent debut to pay attention to how enthusiastic Suzaku had been in his role.

Lelouch breathed a silent sigh of relief for small blessings.

His attention piqued when Suzaku grew overwhelmed and touched to the point of tears that everyone on the Council was alive and well from the hotel jacking, even though this reaction was a little late in coming. Rivalz stepped up to be a good friend, and Lelouch felt his heart melt just a tad from the sight. Hadn't it only been a few weeks ago that Suzaku had refused to go to the movies with the Council members because he hadn't felt comfortable enough with them?

Violet eyes softened at the scene. How could he stay mad at Suzaku after this?

Lelouch smiled warmly, raking his eyes down his boyfriend's blue cat costume. _He looks ridiculous_. He rolled his eyes. _Simply ridiculous_. He strained to see past the fuzzy fabric, trying to glimpse one of the hickeys he'd left on that tanned neck. He shuddered in remembrance, feeling something tighten deep in his belly. A part of him wanted Suzaku to just climb into his lap as he was tied down and—

"It's not that bad," Milly cut in and reminded him, apparently mistaking the reason for his increased trembling. "Just be grateful I'm only putting you in a cat costume instead of a French maid's outfit!"

Suzaku's eyes flashed with interest from across the room, and Lelouch fought down a blush and hurriedly looked away.

He _really_ wanted to peel that absurd costume off his boyfriend.

*/*

"Before you ask, it's okay," Suzaku offered, reaching for Lelouch.

The prince took the opportunity to pounce, tugging at the blue cat ears. "I can take it off?" he asked breathlessly. At Suzaku's nod, the Britannian boy ventured, "…I can take it _all_ off?" He ran a hand through newly-freed brown curls, justifying his request with, "It's a one-piece."

Laughing, the Japanese only said, "I told you that you could."

Lelouch's hands shook slightly as he dragged the costume down the Japanese teen's body, trying to ignore how Suzaku's breath hitched whenever his knuckles brushed directly against skin. He forced himself to breathe when the younger boy stepped out of the fursuit pooled on the floor, clad only in blue boxers. Suzaku shot him a tentative smile, and with a start of surprise, Lelouch realized that the younger boy was insecure.

"You have absolutely nothing to be worried about," the prince crooned, running his gaze deliberately slowly from the soldier's feet up to his eyes. All that military training definitely had a positive impact on Suzaku's physique, and Lelouch almost drooled at the excess of firm, toned skin at his disposal. It was their first time as boyfriends that they'd allowed themselves to bare any skin below the neck.

Of course, this wasn't the first time overall that Lelouch had seen or even touched the younger teen's body. He remembered tending to Suzaku's wound after the Lake Kawaguchi hotel jacking, but that had been an entirely different situation. Still reflecting on the memory, the organized prince stooped to collect the discarded costume and put it on a coat hanger, knowing he must be confusing his boyfriend with the interruption but unable to help himself. He took his time hanging it up and smoothing out the wrinkles, struggling to get his hormones under control in the meantime. Finished with his laundry task, the black-haired boy stepped closer to the worried brunet and cupped his face. "You're perfect."

After the slight disruption, Suzaku visibly relaxed and held the prince's hand in place against his cheek. "I love you," he murmured, green eyes sparkling with affection.

"Love you, too," Lelouch answered automatically, but no less wholeheartedly. He followed up his declaration with a deep kiss, losing himself in the other boy's touch. They'd gotten better at Frenching without too much spit, and all the practice had been fun. Building a romantic relationship was a lot harder and more uncomfortable than the movies made it seem, but Lelouch couldn't think of anyone he'd rather brave these new waters with than Suzaku.

He barely noticed his boyfriend's hands tugging at his clothes until Suzaku drew back with a gasp and asked, "And, can I…?" Eager hands pulled at the prince's black cat costume again, making his meaning clear.

At first, Lelouch stiffened. He felt comfortable with _Suzaku's_ body; he didn't necessarily want to get undressed himself. There was just something so open about removing clothes, and Lelouch didn't do 'open.'

"I won't push you," Suzaku said hastily, reading the prince with the ease of practice. "If you aren't ready, then just say so."

Hesitating, Lelouch brushed his fingers down the brunet's arm as he thought over his options. "I want…" he started, then thought better of it. He tried again. "I'm not ready for s— _sex_ ," he blurted, his face heating up. Normally calm and articulate, he felt himself slipping with Suzaku in the newness of their relationship. He looked anywhere but at green eyes. Speaking of hard and uncomfortable…

The Japanese soldier chuckled. "Neither am I," he said.

Lelouch relaxed, finally daring to meet his boyfriend's gaze.

"You can stay in your costume," Suzaku said gently. "It's whatever you want."

Lelouch melted a little more. _Suzaku really is the perfect boyfriend_. "I want us to be fair and balanced," he finally answered. "But I don't want to take my clothes off with you yet." He hid his face in Suzaku's naked shoulder, feeling acute embarrassment at the admission. He had to be straight with his boyfriend, though, at least about this. He just wasn't ready to have all his layers stripped away, physically or metaphorically.

"Then do you want me to put some more clothes on?" the tan, nearly-nude boy suggested, hugging the older teen in reassurance.

"…No," Lelouch finally said, touched that his boyfriend was listening so intently and trying to make it work. They really had come a long way with their communication. Wrapping his arms around the other boy, he groaned at the feeling of all that soft, smooth skin. It truly had been too long since he'd been able to touch it.

Suzaku laughed again, stroking Lelouch's hair. "Okay," he said easily. "Then what do you want to do?"

The prince squirmed a little in the soldier's hold, feeling the heated flush spread even farther. Suzaku was giving up control, leaving the decision in Lelouch's hands. The smarter teen recognized the offering for what it was, his heart constricting with feeling.

"You can tell me anything," Suzaku reminded him. "And for the record, I'm fine with continuing like this. I don't mind being in my underwear, even if you have on ten layers, Lelouch."

Pulling back, Lelouch tilted his head, one corner of his lip turning up in a sardonic smile. "Ten layers would be insufferably hot," he said dryly.

"You're insufferably hot no matter what," Suzaku joked back, earning himself a light slap upside the head.

With a put-upon sigh, Lelouch backed his boyfriend up and pushed him unceremoniously onto his bed. "I just want to keep going like this," he finally decided, causing the brunet to nod. Lelouch followed after, crawling atop his mostly naked boyfriend and feeling a thrill of excitement. Lowering himself, he caught Suzaku's lips in a heated kiss, glad for the familiar position. They'd been getting used to each other with Lelouch on top, leading their kisses, ever since that first day horizontal on the couch.

It made for a somewhat easy transition into new territory. He _knew_ how to do _this_.

He also knew how to kiss his way down his soldier's neck, as he'd left quite a few marks there in the past couple weeks or so. To date, Lelouch hadn't felt comfortable letting Suzaku return the favor, but seeing his boyfriend gasp and squirm in delight under his ministrations was making him curious. He thought about letting Suzaku mark him as he gave into temptation and rubbed his palms flatly down the Japanese boy's chest, drawing out a low moan. Transfixed, he repeated the motion, noticing how Suzaku twitched when his thumb accidentally brushed a nipple.

"Le-Lelouch!" the Japanese boy gasped, his hands instinctively coming around the prince's back.

Raising an eyebrow, Lelouch probed, "Yes? Good?"

"Oh, _yes_! That was incredible. Lelouch, keep going. You can…you can touch me anywhere…" Suzaku babbled, guiding the prince's fingers deliberately to his hardening nipple.

Purple eyes narrowing with resolve at his boyfriend's enthusiasm and permission, Lelouch tilted his head and ventured slowly out of his comfort zone. He pressed hot, wet kisses along Suzaku's shoulders and upper chest, every so often latching on to suck based on his boyfriend's low moans of encouragement. _He's sensitive…here_ , he discovered with another thrill, nuzzling an erogenous patch of skin below the shoulder. He mindlessly rolled the brunet's nipple between his fingers, putting more of his focused concentration on mapping his boyfriend's skin with his lips. Pausing in his work, he looked up towards Suzaku's face. The brunet was panting for air, but his head was tilted down and his green eyes—darker than Lelouch had seen them yet, pupils blown—were pinned right on his own.

"Kami-sama, Lelouch," Suzaku groaned, and Lelouch felt a zinging jolt at the Japanese spilling from his boyfriend's lips.

Keeping his eyes trained on Suzaku's, the prince lowered his mouth again—and licked a long stripe up the hard planes of his soldier's chest. The younger boy keened, throwing back his head. Pleased with himself, Lelouch did it again, this time catching a nipple with his tongue. Suzaku's whole body jerked.

 _We're getting somewhere_ , Lelouch realized. His heart beat fast in his chest, matched by Suzaku's thrumming under his fingertips. _I'm doing this with him_. Satisfaction swept over him in a wave. _I'm pleasing Suzaku._

As a slow and thorough study, Lelouch kept licking, sucking, and kissing his way up and down Suzaku's chest. _Ah, he's so delicious_. He paused as his lips encountered some thick, raised skin close to the brunet's pectorals, and he pulled back. Narrowing his eyes, he lightly ran his finger over the small line of blemished skin. "A scar?" he asked, flicking his eyes to Suzaku's. "How did this happen?" He pressed his finger harder against the mark, knowing every scar had a story.

Suzaku chewed his lip as he thought back. "That one is from my second week in training," he said at last, a little hesitantly. "I might've fallen and rolled into some barbed wire."

Lelouch's eyes widened in shock and anger. "At the Honorary Britannian camp?" he pressed. _Another wound that awful Britannian military has inflicted on my Suzaku._

The soldier nodded. "It was my own fault," he said quickly. "No one pushed me or anything. I was just too careless, but at least I learned to watch my surroundings better."

The prince raised an eyebrow but bent to deliberately kiss the scar; the Japanese boy shivered at the touch. Pulling back again, the Britannian boy searched for more scars. Now that he was really looking for them, he noticed them scattered haphazardly around his boyfriend's torso. How had he not zeroed in on them before? Suzaku obviously had a habit of being too reckless, letting himself be abused, or both. With a sigh, Lelouch traced his fingers across tan skin to a scar on the soldier's side. "What about this one?" he asked.

Suzaku laughed. "That one's from a training session with Tohdoh-sensei; it was my first time using a Kendo sword and I guess I really _wasn't_ ready."

Lelouch cracked a smile before kissing that scar, too, and trailing his lips to the next one. "And this?"

The brunet blinked. "I _think_ that one is from the interrogation about Prince Clovis's murder. It's all really fuzzy."

Blood suddenly boiling, Lelouch pressed his lips even harder to that particular mark. _They've hurt him so much. I will make them pay._ "You're so brave," he whispered into his abused boyfriend's scar tissue, pressing closer for comfort.

"I'm really not," Suzaku mumbled back, goosebumps rising on his flesh as Lelouch continued to map his body and demand backstories. There were a couple more scars from training fights, one from when he fell in the river as a boy and sliced his skin on some sharp rocks, and a few more leftover 'gifts' from the Purebloods during the numerous violent interrogations following Prince Clovis's assassination. Lelouch already knew about the wound from the Lake Kawaguchi scandal. With another sigh, the Britannian finished exploring the Japanese boy's front and prodded him to roll over.

"I remember this one," Lelouch said reverently, giving in to the urge to nuzzle and kiss the area of scar tissue strewn around Suzaku's lower right back; there were lots of little brown dots, small pockets of raised skin, and even some indented skin from all the shrapnel dug out of the wound. Lelouch raked his eyes over the entire array of injuries and breathed, "This is where you were shot. To save me." Closing his eyes, he pressed his face against the spot and breathed deeply.

Suzaku sighed and relaxed into the mattress. "It would have been much worse if my father's pocket watch hadn't deflected the bullet. The little scars scattered around are actually from the broken glass of the watch face cutting me, not the bullet itself. I mean, the shrapnel did leave some marks, but overall…" Fidgeting, he struggled with his words and finally reiterated, "It could have been worse."

"Worse as in…?"

The brunet squirmed. "As in, I'd be dead?"

Lelouch inhaled sharply and pressed another kiss to the little scars. " _Suzaku_."

"It's okay," the soldier soothed. "I'm alive. I was lucky."

The Britannian shook his head and pushed the younger boy to roll over again onto his back. He gazed passionately down at his boyfriend. "It was too close. You almost died."

Suzaku stared back at him, green eyes wide and solemn. "I'd give my life for you in a heartbeat, Lelouch."

"Idiot!" the black-haired boy hissed. "You shouldn't—anyway, you already proved that in Shinjuku. Don't you _ever_ make me fear for your life again!" It took all the controlling royal's willpower not to enforce the order with Geass; he'd resolved never to use the power on his boyfriend. Suzaku's free will mattered too much.

Nodding hurriedly, Suzaku agreed and craned his neck up for a kiss. "I'll try my best."

"You need to do more than 'try,'" Lelouch retorted before leaning down to accommodate the other boy with a peck. " _I_ need to know you're alive and safe."

"Yes, Your Highness," the Japanese boy said warmly. His eyes glinted as he tangled his hands in black hair and guided the prince back down for another, more involved kiss—one with lots of teeth, tongue, and saliva. Groaning into the older boy's mouth, he said, " _I_ need you to get back to what you started, Lelouch."

With an exaggerated eyeroll, Lelouch returned to his original task of exploring his boyfriend's body with his hands and mouth. Suzaku's request showed that he was uncomfortable talking about his past wounds, particularly from Shinjuku, and the Britannian boy had to respect that and steer them back to more pleasurable pastimes. Lelouch moaned as he got into it again and kissed and sucked his way across the younger's heaving chest, leaving marks of his own to tell a different story.

All of Suzaku's groans and gasps fleshed out their tale with sensory detail.

It felt slightly odd to be engaging in such unfamiliar physical acts, but more than anything, Lelouch felt high on power. One hand reached out to hold his boyfriend's, keeping them both anchored, and Suzaku's fingers curled between his on instinct. Heat rose in his body, and his cat costume started to feel a little too stifling. They were both getting sweaty, but for once the finicky prince didn't mind; Suzaku was just too addicting. With that in mind, his lips closed purposefully around his boyfriend's left nipple and he pressed the flat of his tongue experimentally against it.

" _Lelouch!_ "

As he worshipped his boyfriend's body, the prince thought back to the Student Council party. Suzaku had been extremely sweet, getting so emotional about their friends. _I just want to take care of him and make him happy. My Suzaku._ A rush of misplaced jealousy rose in him as he remembered Rivalz pull Suzaku to the floor in an attempt to get him to unwind, and Lelouch angled his head and sucked harder. His free hand slid across the other's slick chest to grasp the neglected nipple there, and he pinched it tightly. Suzaku let out a strangled cry, and Lelouch hummed. _That's right, Suzaku,_ he communicated with every flick of his tongue and fingers, _you're mine._ _ **I'll**_ _make you unwind._

The heat was getting unbearable, and Lelouch finally pulled back with a gasp. His gaze locked with Suzaku's, and he reached to tangle both of their free hands together. "I love you, Suzaku," he said, eyes bright. His heart thumped erratically as he realized again how much Suzaku had just shared of himself; it was inspiring. Lelouch slowly, intentionally brought his boyfriend's hands to his cat costume. "It's okay," he offered with an unwavering smile. "It's okay, I'm ready now."

Suzaku's simple, heartfelt smile somehow trumped all his other reactions.

*/*

If Suzaku had thought his body was on fire before, it was nothing compared to when he pulled Lelouch down flush against him, skin on skin. The Britannian boy choked back a moan as their naked chests pressed together, and it was Suzaku's turn to run his hands up and down the silken-soft skin of the Britannian's back. He felt a rush of dizziness at the sensation, having wanted to touch Lelouch like this ever since that day in the boy's locker room. He'd had to wait unbearably long for this chance, and it had been torturous when Lelouch had paused their heated explorations and insisted on hanging up his own cat costume beside Suzaku's to avoid wrinkles. Lelouch's quirks made this more real, though, and the real thing was _way_ better than he'd imagined.

Lelouch buried his face in Suzaku's neck, and the Japanese boy soothingly traced circles on his shoulder blades. "Shhh," the soldier murmured. "It's okay. You're perfect," he echoed, remembering how his partner's words had put him at ease just a bit earlier. Suzaku wasn't normally self-conscious about his body—he was usually pretty damn proud of it—but Lelouch always had such high expectations that it was easy to feel like he was falling short. Especially when it came to their burgeoning romantic relationship and all the things it entailed.

"It's not that. You just feel so good," Lelouch said breathlessly, pressing a kiss to the brunet's neck.

Suzaku's heart thumped faster. "Yeah, you too." Keeping a firm grasp on the prince, he rolled them over until he was on top. He felt Lelouch stiffen beneath him at the change, so he removed himself and sat up, taking his first chance to just appreciatively _stare_ at his boyfriend's body. Lelouch had always been slender, but it was more noticeable without any clothes to hide his frame. His skin was creamy, so pale compared to Suzaku's own, but it fit the Britannian prince's ethereal image. He wasn't built like Suzaku; he cut gym class all the time and it showed, yet his upper arms were muscular from taking care of Nunnally all these years. His skin was unblemished but the Japanese boy knew his real scars were burning under the surface. Suzaku blushed as his gaze slid over Lelouch's tight black bikini briefs, already stretched over a half-hard erection. It brought Suzaku's attention to his own stirring need. His eyes flicked back to his prince's face, which was steadily reddening the longer Suzaku stared at him.

"…You can tell me I'm perfect now," Lelouch prompted, his fingers twitching uneasily.

Suzaku laughed, feeling the tension dissipate a little. He could always count on Lelouch to be Lelouch. "You _are_ perfect," he reassured. He reached down to slide his fingers through the Britannian boy's again.

Something in the prince seemed to relax at that, and he squeezed wordless gratitude through their fingers. His eyes traced the Japanese boy's body above him in turn, and he inhaled harshly once he noticed the tent in Suzaku's boxers. He immediately closed his eyes, pressed his own legs together, and rolled over until he was lying face down on the bed. Burying his face in his pillow, he took a few deep breaths before peeking over his shoulder at his patient boyfriend.

Suzaku just tilted his head and readjusted their hands, making sure to keep a tight grip despite Lelouch's new position. "Does it make you uncomfortable?" he asked quietly, shifting a bit on the bed.

"…A little," admitted the prince. "I know it's basic biology, but experiencing it with you is different than reading about it in a textbook."

Nodding, Suzaku used his free hand to tenderly brush some of Lelouch's hair off his sweaty forehead. _He's letting his weaknesses show. He_ _ **never**_ _does that! God, I love him_. "I get it," he said. "It's okay to be embarrassed. It's new and big—"

Lelouch snorted.

"I meant it's a big deal!" Suzaku said in a rush, feeling his own cheeks grow even hotter.

"I know what you meant," Lelouch assured him, sneaking another quick peak at Suzaku's clothed erection. "It's just weird, being with you like this and my body does _that_. You have so much power over me, Suzaku, but since it's you, it's okay." The cynical teen didn't sound entirely convinced, but his tone was still more certain than Suzaku would have expected of him. Considering it was Lelouch. Heaving a sigh, he concluded, "I'll get used to it."

Suzaku's heartbeat quickened at the confession—especially because he knew his boyfriend was such a control freak—and he grinned, remembering how fast Lelouch had taken to French kissing despite his initial apprehension. "Yeah, you will. We both will." He ran his hand up and down Lelouch's back in a reassuring caress, stilling his movements when the black-haired boy suddenly tugged his hand free and determinedly rolled over again, leaving Suzaku's palm resting on his chest instead. Without a word, pale fingers grasped a tan wrist and urged Suzaku to keep stroking. The Japanese boy's breathing grew shallow as he ran his hand all over the Britannian boy's torso. He felt Lelouch's stomach quiver as his touch dipped down that far, and the prince's underwear grew a little tighter. A thought struck Suzaku, but he swallowed it down and simply stared at the prince, narrowing his eyes in a puzzled expression.

"What are you wondering about now?" Lelouch mused, always noticing Suzaku's needs. He wriggled under the other boy's ongoing caresses.

The brunet soldier shook his head. "No, it's too personal."

" _Suzaku_ ," Lelouch stressed with an eye-roll. "We're boyfriends now. We've been doing a lot of _personal_ things together. Just ask." He reached out and slid his own hand up the soldier's chest, letting it rest over the other boy's rapidly beating heart.

Fidgeting a bit uncomfortably, Suzaku finally got out, "Did I ever…make you hard?" He let his hand drift to stop over the pale boy's breast, subconsciously mirroring his boyfriend's position.

Lelouch flushed but slowly nodded, pressing his face into the other boy's boxer-clad thigh. "Yes," he answered, voice muffled. "Mostly because of _those_ dreams." At the mere memory of them, the prince's length stiffened into full hardness.

"Me too," Suzaku put in, his own need sky-rocketing from the other boy's reaction. "But if we're being honest, you made me hard when you changed into your gym uniform on my second day at Ashford."

The prince lifted his head in surprise, purple eyes widening. "Really?" he asked, clearly intrigued. "You've been wanting me since that far back?" He squirmed, plainly embarrassed and trying to ignore his body's reaction.

Suzaku nodded sheepishly. "Yeah. That's why I, um, had to 'use the restroom' and why I didn't want you to wait for me." His hand fluttered on the other's prone body.

Lelouch smirked, preening a bit. "You've been jerking off to me since the beginning," he said smugly. He started to relax on the sheets, visibly growing more comfortable despite both their bodies' escalating responses.

Sputtering, Suzaku shook his head and—wait, did his refined, silver-tongued prince actually utter the vulgar phrase, 'jerking off'? Which brought him to his defense. "No!" he insisted. "I never…touched myself. I felt ashamed, and I didn't want to ruin our friendship." He snatched his hand away from the other's body.

"How would I have ever found out?" Lelouch asked, raising an eyebrow and catching Suzaku's hand back.

The brunet shrugged one shoulder carelessly. "I don't know," he admitted. "It just felt wrong to actually _do_ something about it." He took a shuddering breath. "You know, without your permission." His hand trembled in the other boy's hold.

Lelouch's eyes gentled. "You have my permission from now on."

"Really? You don't mind?"

"Suzaku, it's kind of hot."

Green eyes popped open wide. "Lelouch!"

The prince chuckled deeply. "What? I thought we were supposed to be honest with each other, especially about these kinds of things." His fingers trailed down Suzaku's chest and stomach, stopping to rub right at the line where underwear met skin. His eyes narrowed a bit before he tacked on, "I'm…okay with you touching yourself when you think about me, but I'm not ready to touch or be touched. _Down there_."

Suzaku grinned shakily, willing his erection to stop twitching from his boyfriend's closeness and cuteness. "That's fine with me. And, uh, it goes both ways. Have you ever…?"

Lelouch shook his head, eyeing the bulge in the soldier's boxers, and confessed, "I normally wake up to wet bedsheets." He licked his lips, looking up Suzaku's mostly-exposed body with a heated gaze. His cock jumped, and he hurriedly crossed one leg over another, gasping at the sensation. He closed his eyes and shook his head, breathing hard. "Anyway, I'm, uh, glad you're not making fun of me about all this."

Suzaku just shook his head. "Why would I make fun of you?" he asked fondly. He leaned forward to drop a quick kiss on his prince's bare chest, right where his hand had rested earlier. "I know you. I know you like to ease into things until you know you can control everything." He hesitated then, rolling his shoulders. "I also know you like to be on top. Sorry for rolling us without asking." _I always mess up. Lelouch really deserves better._ He glanced down at the bed, letting his bangs cover his eyes.

After a few moments, Lelouch sat and tilted the Japanese boy's face up to meet his eyes. "It's fine," he said in a low voice. He took a deep breath, obviously searching for the right words. "I like lying on top because I feel a bit safer—"

"You have more control," Suzaku cut in with a serious expression.

Lelouch nodded. "Yeah. But…" He traced Suzaku's body with his eyes again, and then moved to press his left hand against the Japanese boy's lower back, right on the scarred-over Shinjuku wounds. Suzaku inhaled and recalled their grand reunion again; by the look on his face, Lelouch was remembering, too. "This is where you were shot," Lelouch repeated rapturously. "To save me." He leaned in for a quick kiss before adding, "I trust you. I feel safe with you."

Suzaku's head swam at that display, not for the first time. _Lelouch doesn't normally trust people. This is huge._

"I'll need to get used to it," Lelouch said with a hesitant smile, "but I think I'd like to try that again. You on top, I mean."

Suzaku shook his head. "You don't need to force yourself for my sake—"

"It wouldn't be forced," Lelouch interrupted. "I froze up because I wasn't expecting it, but…when I remembered it was _you_ …" He swept his fingers lovingly back and forth across Suzaku's wounds. "I mean, you've already almost died for my sake. I know you won't hurt me." He leaned in for a longer kiss. "Come on, Suzaku."

Giving in, the Japanese boy initiated another kiss. He slowly lay Lelouch back down, following after him until they were pressed chest-to-chest again. He carefully angled his hips away from the Britannian's, remembering the other's boundaries; he couldn't keep himself from thrusting a couple times against the bed, though, making Lelouch smile a bit knowingly around their tongues. Wriggling into a more comfortable position, the brunet broke the kiss and asked, "Okay?"

Violet eyes narrowed in consideration. "Yeah," the prince answered after a few seconds. He reached around again to press the palm of his hand over the other's glass-and-shrapnel wounds, as if reminding himself of his resolve. "You feel…warm. Your weight is kind of comforting, actually. Like you're guarding me. Keeping me grounded."

Suzaku let his head drop, and he nuzzled into the prince's neck. Their heartbeats raced against each other's skin. "I love you," he whispered. _I'll always protect you, Lelouch._

"I love you, too," Lelouch whispered back. He tilted his head back on the pillow, allowing his boyfriend more access to his neck, and ordered, "Now kiss me." He pushed a bit on the back of the brunet's head, guiding him to where he wanted the attention. "You…don't have to hold back." His pulse jumped beneath the soldier's lips.

Suzaku's arousal spiked, and for the first time, he latched his lips onto that pale column of skin and _sucked_.


End file.
